tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17208379848619373742024-03-17T22:01:13.243-05:00Ice Cream and ValentinoTid Bits and Tales about Trivial Thoughts, Thanks, and Tails.Asirekhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17491987532647770526noreply@blogger.comBlogger217125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720837984861937374.post-76405635922856775202024-03-09T12:59:00.001-06:002024-03-09T13:00:11.625-06:00Bookend Year<p> Year 2023 was, what I am calling, a "bookend year". In January of 2023, I got myself a new job. It was a huge leap for me, and a leap I wasn't sure I wanted to take. Now having been in my job for a little over a year, I can surely state that I have no regrets in leaving my old job. My new job, working in hospice, has been wonderful. Sure, I still get anxious. Sure, I sometimes feel as though I am inadequate on what I do (after all I am still learning the job). And, sure, sometimes I hate having to go to work. However, my new job allows me to work at home most days, and the people I am providing support for seem to really appreciate even a 5 minute check in. Learning something new and challenging myself outside of my comfort zone is proving to build parts of my self esteem that had been lost...or maybe forgotten. My work environment is filled with positvity, love, and genuine concerns for the well-being of our clients as well as for each other. My old job had that, too, but in hospice it feels a little less toxic, and a lot more patient centered. The folks who work there seem to operate on a spiritual level that is above my own, which helps to elevate me as well. Some days I feel that more than others. </p><p>Then, in December of 2023, we got ourselves a PUPPY! </p><p style="text-align: center;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhtZAWf07ijXJJd1v7XWXllpUuNUExJO1QRiS5yqPc6Bi04jQL0gCmYzeud7-dNSoIJAsR0lurcv2fivB2ndlMI_tlqLlOPxyG2LHC85DtNCwMJ5RcSEsgD_g51YnLwusnWpc3NCnmVKPjuO4JSSDCHBu6ZwAr_zUzrgSvlFmoeVQHLH1lq4F_clvVA8aY" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="206" data-original-width="206" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhtZAWf07ijXJJd1v7XWXllpUuNUExJO1QRiS5yqPc6Bi04jQL0gCmYzeud7-dNSoIJAsR0lurcv2fivB2ndlMI_tlqLlOPxyG2LHC85DtNCwMJ5RcSEsgD_g51YnLwusnWpc3NCnmVKPjuO4JSSDCHBu6ZwAr_zUzrgSvlFmoeVQHLH1lq4F_clvVA8aY" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhLGg_L2aVnyLORMNO75VPYxb_wX9MW9dGTkMGcmdhHP3vJV6prKKZdhvbW5Pc2O5G8N9pquvCJFIcki-9Ct7UgL5IM9Nrgx2_3A_nf_-3r3p5zw__VobMIX58X5jHnpDVdKCX5p5FFxr3SV930nM3uOUuVVnGZ2dxwwQH_jq4zIAnZdLnKz3oAxXD_uXs" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="206" data-original-width="206" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhLGg_L2aVnyLORMNO75VPYxb_wX9MW9dGTkMGcmdhHP3vJV6prKKZdhvbW5Pc2O5G8N9pquvCJFIcki-9Ct7UgL5IM9Nrgx2_3A_nf_-3r3p5zw__VobMIX58X5jHnpDVdKCX5p5FFxr3SV930nM3uOUuVVnGZ2dxwwQH_jq4zIAnZdLnKz3oAxXD_uXs" width="240" /></a></div><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;">Something that also brought with it some trepidation: We've done this before and had a horrible experience from start to finish, Will the puppy bond with me? Can I even take care of a helpless creature when I struggle to properly care for myself all the time? A puppy is a lot of responsibility that affects spontaneity and freedom. The dirt! The smell! The potty training! All that and so much more.</span></p><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">However, getting Meeka happens to be just about the best thing that has happened to me since falling in love with my best friend 10 years ago. She brings joy to me on a daily basis, is my co worker on days I work from home, my motivation to get out for walks, and a tremendous emotional support. She keeps me out of the world of my head and into the world of the living. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />Though I have had to make a few personal adjustments. For example, she won't let me wear headbands or hair ties as she removes them from my head just about as fast as I put them on. She has left me about an inch of a king sized bed to sleep on, and I am forced to share just about all of my food that I eat. Oh, and the cat box has to be kept extra extra clean because she reaaaalllllly likes cat turds. But somehow, even her naughty behavior is cute and charming (except the cat turd thing....that is just awful). </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">So, yeah, the year 2023 started out with a positive change and ended with a positive change. And as I am sitting here writing this blog during my work day, with my dog sleeping in a sun spot, and my lady love downstairs, my heart is filled with gratitude. </div><br /><p></p>Asirekhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17491987532647770526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720837984861937374.post-4791837060835954792023-11-20T13:19:00.001-06:002023-11-20T13:19:34.055-06:00Healing Through Love<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjRx2dysE1RRkvrY-rP7-IFXfSeOZLbXflJj4ZgO3OACwdFz5ziJCf00FuUNwUpqw0lAlmsnBm5ztlv3GGY-9GgpofgHRbMdtvEImWenT31IjyoLaDmx1l72EoITLhDHvU8Rv6atxzQNGpfX9fI7BdQzrfEMrT2j1pAXxy_CvJqgEOoHG2qq2pUThPvScg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="225" height="346" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjRx2dysE1RRkvrY-rP7-IFXfSeOZLbXflJj4ZgO3OACwdFz5ziJCf00FuUNwUpqw0lAlmsnBm5ztlv3GGY-9GgpofgHRbMdtvEImWenT31IjyoLaDmx1l72EoITLhDHvU8Rv6atxzQNGpfX9fI7BdQzrfEMrT2j1pAXxy_CvJqgEOoHG2qq2pUThPvScg=w346-h346" width="346" /></a></div><br />This quote spoke to me on a level that gave me reason to pause, and in a way that provoked some motivation to do better. It dawned on me. I have a living, breathing entity inside of me that deserves to be taken care of. Much the same way I take care of my beloved cats. Much the same way I take care of a baby or child. Much the same way I take care of drowning worms after a rainfall. Not to say I haven't killed my fair share of insects and other such critters, but even then, I try my best to free the spider in the house rather than smush it dead. So if worms and spiders are worthy of such care, how come the entity in my body is not? Whatever this soul is, it chose to reside in this body. I will admit that I haven't always been welcoming to it, but have, hopefully, come to realize it needs a welcoming and nurturing environment that only I can provide it. <p></p><p>Not sure why this quote got me thinking, but once I realized I had a living, breathing being inside this shell, I figured I had better take care of it. Not sure why I haven't thought of it like this in the past. Its almost a no-brainer, really. I've devised self care plans for myself in the past, and have been able to stick to them for a short amount of time. But they say, if at first you can't succeed, try try again. So here I am trying again. I have a plan in place to take care of whatever is taking up residence inside my skin and bones. It chose "me", and it deserves better than I have been providing. Basic self care needs of water, exercise and connection to the world in which I am existing is all it is, but it isn't always easy to achieve. Life gets muddled and focus falls on things beyond my control. My only real job in this life is to love this entity. Once I start nourishing this soul, I can provide better for the other souls who are floating around beside this one, something I have not been very good at lately. </p><p>The other day I opened up a Bible to a random page and read it. It was all about coming to know God through Jesus. I'm not religious; I don't know much about God or Jesus really. I can't tell you the chapter or book of which I read. But I do know that it was a message from beyond myself, and I also know that Jesus is love. So by loving myself, I can come to know God on a deeper level. </p><p>It is through love that heals. </p>Asirekhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17491987532647770526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720837984861937374.post-90735219058386058072023-11-09T12:47:00.004-06:002023-11-09T12:47:39.782-06:00Facing Fears for Birthdays<p> This year for our Birthdays, we opted for having an experience rather than giving gifts. Inadvertently we ended up choosing activities that challenged us to face a fear of ours. OK, so maybe not those life altering fears that get songs and movies, but fears nonetheless. </p><p>Amy wanted a quiet, low key experience for her big 4-0 and she opted for a petting zoo! So fun! </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgct-jpa5h6qXgwb7IBktKWGsKatPdNl8JJVqPSrY4d-QxLqtzjI_3VF2zGtjAwgFubjJP2bGXJ-LWPpLunzzCYY6e0GJjCdlkANQwNI5ANQqoKkB-WJyfy1XDFcmvBo9hCYHiJzsq3XG-6qCuWlLt_H3jAOWkSuCvjJ5-GEng0OK3fPZFRU_GxChjggZI" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1056" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgct-jpa5h6qXgwb7IBktKWGsKatPdNl8JJVqPSrY4d-QxLqtzjI_3VF2zGtjAwgFubjJP2bGXJ-LWPpLunzzCYY6e0GJjCdlkANQwNI5ANQqoKkB-WJyfy1XDFcmvBo9hCYHiJzsq3XG-6qCuWlLt_H3jAOWkSuCvjJ5-GEng0OK3fPZFRU_GxChjggZI" width="124" /></a></div><br />How is this facing fears you might ask? Well, see that llama there (or maybe that's an alpaca.... I don't really know the difference between the two)? Llamas are notorious for spitting on people, and that is just not something either one of us want to encounter. We have both been too afraid to approach llamas at zoos until this day. The lady at the petting zoo ensured us that her llamas did not spit. True to her word, we remained dry and got to pet and feed this furry little guy. <p></p><p>When it was time for me to pick my Birthday experience, I opted to do an instructional art activity. I have always had this belief that I am not creative nor can I do art. These instructional art classes are kind of trendy right now, and I have been curious by people's finished projects they have posted on social media. Certainly, I could not make a beautiful picture like they did...or could I? </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj1dAGTasmr9LxMjtdNtd06d12PzxdghcFugyrrbLx9GYt_jlBoTqTnRQGSYzfPlhB9GDJ62LY3sBHVKllpzQbwT3abl9WCj_XV8wjeFiyWXMbDhO9yopfNMg8KkaZYsYUqHyIUrjg9vM8oXQtK6egbmY5Ld67jXM1VZPyJiBoUKtoCqDbP8LKOXQeY6os" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj1dAGTasmr9LxMjtdNtd06d12PzxdghcFugyrrbLx9GYt_jlBoTqTnRQGSYzfPlhB9GDJ62LY3sBHVKllpzQbwT3abl9WCj_XV8wjeFiyWXMbDhO9yopfNMg8KkaZYsYUqHyIUrjg9vM8oXQtK6egbmY5Ld67jXM1VZPyJiBoUKtoCqDbP8LKOXQeY6os" width="180" /></a></div><br /><p>By Golly, I can!! This is my painting. It was a class of about 20 people all making this same picture so it was easy to look at the progress of neighboring painters, which is dangerous for me since I have a tendency to compare and criticize my own work. Alas, I suspended my own self judgement and just let my own picture develop from my own brain and hands (and the guidance of our instructor). </p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjdmdVRFfPMLqAVf5r9IcVZecnQfw_2CXOuJPshEjJ0YR86wk90uFASr_OfZKCoQZT3Bb6I4EkcE6YRz2lyDRFr7NFeLe-fsZAvbavSx0f-EJIVE_HmjibM3ukG2oaCnpfYNXfjEPxfj49qAcFeK4KeNnjov1Ag2bFpaTMzmtI_IUA2Mj9C7vEFuzLVNV4" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjdmdVRFfPMLqAVf5r9IcVZecnQfw_2CXOuJPshEjJ0YR86wk90uFASr_OfZKCoQZT3Bb6I4EkcE6YRz2lyDRFr7NFeLe-fsZAvbavSx0f-EJIVE_HmjibM3ukG2oaCnpfYNXfjEPxfj49qAcFeK4KeNnjov1Ag2bFpaTMzmtI_IUA2Mj9C7vEFuzLVNV4" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p>Side by side of my picture (left) and Amy's picture (right). Of course, there are a few places in my picture that are not perfect or exactly how I imagined it. However, it is a piece I am quite proud of. A symbol to face fears, to allow imperfection, and to focus on what is beautiful rather than what is wrong. This painting has so much beauty AND imperfection. </p><p>And I created it! </p><p><br /></p>Asirekhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17491987532647770526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720837984861937374.post-27144448169293164982023-09-05T12:30:00.002-05:002023-09-05T12:59:05.089-05:00Another Bucket List Check Mark<p> One of my bucket list items has been to be on a game show. About a month ago, I decided to apply to be on Wheel of Fortune! I didn't really think much would come from it. After all, I hear that over 1 million people apply to be on the show. But just a week ago I received confirmation I was selected for round one of auditions! </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgvUsxvvtj_o61G-B5_qViZLY1yzxy9GRULHjeFtdSoFAckh3e7Q1W1k0BifG3e6eJDLBBQeWnAoYy3ckQqzJiXScFbMk7XPER8CxMavlpEgIUuZ_-LQ_0H75MHqY2dzwq63KtE8iNI8j0b76BEkxygZE5CIISACy8H5ZViG5LAB4G94rlnvImr2PSLdHY" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1334" data-original-width="750" height="307" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgvUsxvvtj_o61G-B5_qViZLY1yzxy9GRULHjeFtdSoFAckh3e7Q1W1k0BifG3e6eJDLBBQeWnAoYy3ckQqzJiXScFbMk7XPER8CxMavlpEgIUuZ_-LQ_0H75MHqY2dzwq63KtE8iNI8j0b76BEkxygZE5CIISACy8H5ZViG5LAB4G94rlnvImr2PSLdHY=w213-h307" width="213" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Amy made it home just in time to watch me audition and snapped this picture:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgHlyxs_isJfokDq0iyb0uMMSI48sSKeL0EGWnNDuqCo6GdDU5mE_xF6Rj7_2rsioEjpNc3pi4FG5nAWE_Be8qCKdDSUag92aBM854UeaWZkL2tDhOnU2pjHyPIc4Dr3wQogOg9aIj5zxRJeym87AeXzlxUoYEmqyPw0WrQ4KArWUXYYKNI-RB4NhTLOJI" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgHlyxs_isJfokDq0iyb0uMMSI48sSKeL0EGWnNDuqCo6GdDU5mE_xF6Rj7_2rsioEjpNc3pi4FG5nAWE_Be8qCKdDSUag92aBM854UeaWZkL2tDhOnU2pjHyPIc4Dr3wQogOg9aIj5zxRJeym87AeXzlxUoYEmqyPw0WrQ4KArWUXYYKNI-RB4NhTLOJI" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>It was literally a 5 minute audition with 4 other people. Though brief, the experience was interesting and I am so grateful I got to be a part of it. It was a brief get to know you session, much like how people introduce themselves on the show itself. I mentioned my two jobs (crisis mental health and hospice), My adventures with Amy, and of course I mentioned how I like to take my cats for stroller rides. The interview ended and now I just wait. Wait to hear if I have been selected for Round 2. <p></p><p>Every day I put the energy out in the world to be selected to be a contestant. I want this. Bad! I'm hoping this blog post will help the energy flow into the Universe. This is Pat Sajak's final year as host so I'm extra hoping that I get chosen to be on this season of the show! </p><p>Wheel of Fortune, Here I Come! </p>Asirekhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17491987532647770526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720837984861937374.post-11102999566151256112023-09-05T12:15:00.010-05:002023-09-05T12:58:47.877-05:00Vacation Time! <p> Normally I take an extended vacation each year, and this year was no exception. I was uncertain of my vacation status since I just started a new job at the start of the year, but I was able to squeeze out 16 consecutive days off.</p><p>Day one started with an ice cream date with my lady love at Gordy's in Cloquet. They have some tasty and delicious ice cream. What a perfect way to start out days of rest and relaxation.</p><p>An unexpected event took place when we had a giant tree fall in our yard after a brief, but powerful, storm blew through. Jim volunteered to help us out so we had a day of watching him chainsaw. </p><p>The meat of my vacation was our Anniversary trip to Marquette, MI. Neither of us had ever been and we were excited to see all the sights! It was about 5 hour drive so road trip here we come! Our first sight was the World's Tallest Indian, "Hiawatha", in Ironwood. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhJQ2OYxicJEifUjevbDafFBJDw6q2VyK05GGuGG3hFbcB33sSgW_fqsCtgwgsbHISueYA0A_uWgfO_ZPaGs9mruEBKSITalwUK3_QYhosMX5tnSnl1VngdsJ-NyL8_Nqhaek3vjwtt22uJgvmflh7O_EU8Ksgqu6wxi27XtcNIH0KYXzFWy_EPgGjD7VU" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhJQ2OYxicJEifUjevbDafFBJDw6q2VyK05GGuGG3hFbcB33sSgW_fqsCtgwgsbHISueYA0A_uWgfO_ZPaGs9mruEBKSITalwUK3_QYhosMX5tnSnl1VngdsJ-NyL8_Nqhaek3vjwtt22uJgvmflh7O_EU8Ksgqu6wxi27XtcNIH0KYXzFWy_EPgGjD7VU" width="180" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This was a surprisingly fun stop with a heritage mining park nearby, and some teeter totters! After asking the spirits for a fun and safe trip, we went back on the road where we stopped at every. single. rest stop on the way. It was fun to get out, stretch our legs, grab a bite to eat, and see the beautiful surroundings that exist just beyond the lush trees. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">We arrived in Marquette and decided to explore that area instead of going further East like our original plan. Weather was absolutely perfect for us to adventure on our bikes along the Michigan shore of Lake Superior. The night we arrived, there was a rare Super Moon which also happened to be a Blue Moon! We had the privilege of watching it rise over Lake Superior right from our pool. Another visitor happened to question our interest in the moon rise and asked us if the moon was going to do tricks for us. Yes, yes it does do tricks! I am so fortunate to have a partner who appreciates the simple miracles of moon rises, sunsets, and all kinds of nature. Having a Blue Super Moon on our Anniversary was full circle for us after a full Blood Moon was a major player the night Amy was brave enough to tell me she loved me eight years prior. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiEngmo26PV4DL_yfRVf9-b5IpmiSLt-ICGNziAo5Fdx4_Da5_EICHj3z0ljGKHfAefOom82hPaOogCg7hn3iEz17sbyc2gxEbuhLg9g77sQPrXFQBFh_hwRxM_NTsUNSYyf-3Ivw3A6EVPgP5Fa28VGUJ8RjtlR5tpRnWV_b48NcdeCu46qVH6KNEB3oo" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiEngmo26PV4DL_yfRVf9-b5IpmiSLt-ICGNziAo5Fdx4_Da5_EICHj3z0ljGKHfAefOom82hPaOogCg7hn3iEz17sbyc2gxEbuhLg9g77sQPrXFQBFh_hwRxM_NTsUNSYyf-3Ivw3A6EVPgP5Fa28VGUJ8RjtlR5tpRnWV_b48NcdeCu46qVH6KNEB3oo" width="180" /></a></div><br />Though the outdoor temperature was perfect, it was still a little chilly to actually swim in Lake Superior, but that didn't stop us from taking a quick dip anyway. Our hotel was right on the shore of Lake Superior so knowing we had the security of warming up in our hotel hot tub, we decided to take a dip in the frigid waters. No regrets there! Naturally we played all sorts of water Olympics in our pool before celebrating further in our hotel room. <p></p><p>The next day was a gorgeous hike above the Lake around Presque Isle where the big water was calling our name inviting us to kayak. We were a little nervous since the water was not very calm and our kayaks are not made for big water. However, the rock formations were just so inviting so in we went with a lot of caution. It was brief, beautiful, and very worth it. Crystal clear waters showed off the magnificent boulders below. It was "ocean-esque", with the major difference being the temperature of the water.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEixbbJNSvK6BkUP_RoYeMoUuAjcTwvz1DMgeWAeLmWCRJobpfTqdYaCaMpWwXMTsv7ErdvtFF0_Kf27HU1CRxpOT8Leitl5Ir3b89nWNnVZVnx3_0AUqckdtim3qLq4__X_ZOuPFDPEwXS0q2XNtz4OdJq-xPtYD0cWde9SrqDcEsjxEkeNnOD4DUAZ37c" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEixbbJNSvK6BkUP_RoYeMoUuAjcTwvz1DMgeWAeLmWCRJobpfTqdYaCaMpWwXMTsv7ErdvtFF0_Kf27HU1CRxpOT8Leitl5Ir3b89nWNnVZVnx3_0AUqckdtim3qLq4__X_ZOuPFDPEwXS0q2XNtz4OdJq-xPtYD0cWde9SrqDcEsjxEkeNnOD4DUAZ37c" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhBJYm56gt7mmIevw74QiXgP8yM259meOImUfGM_pidU1p49SvlToEiuAUZiYxxsgWFXwPfHS8gK4qlm5uBB3wsHYLtYT9v6Ai0mKUFhbNNpFBFjdFa1jxpE4qTGQiQJmh15xhrw2NGHRXvGP9J4qt1EJO_Tm44VTo96xhdEmjWOn68dlRJDdAYsEtgTxM" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhBJYm56gt7mmIevw74QiXgP8yM259meOImUfGM_pidU1p49SvlToEiuAUZiYxxsgWFXwPfHS8gK4qlm5uBB3wsHYLtYT9v6Ai0mKUFhbNNpFBFjdFa1jxpE4qTGQiQJmh15xhrw2NGHRXvGP9J4qt1EJO_Tm44VTo96xhdEmjWOn68dlRJDdAYsEtgTxM" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgMkIUha0vUfVsgzElEGz8Lu5UiQoul7b1CM4_51LX0Um4VWau6W8RqCCsIPQWMSnBeyqbfnVcPQj4ngZhswT26Zd-CIEv_E49R5yu-2dpUmxoz1pCvo5nLIGIgO42t21TASGiGhGmn45HZwrqhqJQP6Ls2-C5df6892oK2-wQPC1jTBi9p3jUMaxEXvdE" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgMkIUha0vUfVsgzElEGz8Lu5UiQoul7b1CM4_51LX0Um4VWau6W8RqCCsIPQWMSnBeyqbfnVcPQj4ngZhswT26Zd-CIEv_E49R5yu-2dpUmxoz1pCvo5nLIGIgO42t21TASGiGhGmn45HZwrqhqJQP6Ls2-C5df6892oK2-wQPC1jTBi9p3jUMaxEXvdE" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p>We bid adieu to Marquette to make our way back home. We were eager to return to our cats and the comfort of our own home, but one final stop to ride our bikes around Sunday Lake finished out our trip. Our trip began with Hiawatha and ended with Nee Gaw Nee Gaw Bow. I managed to sprain my knee after jumping down right after this picture was taken. I think he was punishing me because I was disrespectfully picking his nose. I profusely apologized for my faux pas. Mercy was granted, but not after a few days of using some crutches. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg5ufRGJa6vfXV47lFCe6TEKHVE6s9MUx2SL54H2MzTrTh8hUW2ooCpicRZSNQbmoOaRFley4QbicXdCX0A2vWodFsC-JUSt37v6_B9mVWIESHXy7gnO5BRVRujNVUcnws8PyXWC4yLRwUnRsMVIE7uZftE1ybqcihqyfkxwkTjoR0NWmiTFpbWM0zWlXg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg5ufRGJa6vfXV47lFCe6TEKHVE6s9MUx2SL54H2MzTrTh8hUW2ooCpicRZSNQbmoOaRFley4QbicXdCX0A2vWodFsC-JUSt37v6_B9mVWIESHXy7gnO5BRVRujNVUcnws8PyXWC4yLRwUnRsMVIE7uZftE1ybqcihqyfkxwkTjoR0NWmiTFpbWM0zWlXg" width="180" /></a></div><br /><p>Still, this did not mar the beauty of the trip one bit. Marquette left us wanting more so we intend to go back to spend more than just one night with an adventure further East to Munising next time. </p><p>I love Michigan, Lake Superior, hiking, biking, kayaking, and all kinds of full moons. Sharing all of that with the love of my life was really the highlight of this vacation for me. Spending time in her company is my most favorite memory. </p>Asirekhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17491987532647770526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720837984861937374.post-58308778451841230112023-08-15T11:01:00.001-05:002023-08-15T11:01:57.280-05:00Bucket List Check Mark<p> Last week we accomplished something on both of our bucket lists. Something simple. Free. And Fun!</p><p>Concerts at our outdoor venue of Bayfront are always inviting. Since neither one of us enjoy crowds of people, we tend to avoid these kinds of activities. Plus, it gets expensive. Of course, the right act would be worth both the crowd and the money. </p><p>When we heard that Bon Iver was playing at Bayfront, we took this opportunity to satisfy a bucket list item of both of ours: attending a Bayfront concert from the vantage point of being on the water in our kayaks! The weather cooperated beautifully and perfectly so we loaded up our boats and headed for the big water.</p><p>Upon arrival, the water looked choppy and a little intimidating. We were apprehensive until we spoke to another lady who convinced us we could paddle across the bay since she had our same kayak. Though the winds were quiet, the water was wavy. We weren't the only people who had the idea to attend a concert from the water so there were big, fast boats a plenty. This added to our anxiety, which almost prevented us from being brave enough to paddle across the big water. </p><p>However, as we saw caravans of others in kayaks and stand up paddle boarders, our confidence came and we made it across the Bay in anticipation of hearing the concert. It was perfect. We were right there by the Aerial Lift Bridge and the William A. Irvin. Naturally I had to make my way to the Irvin to give it a love tap.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgWHT3tG5lW-lruSXSJv2aMT1uu9zQEFaH3QT8_Ku7xKUIP7KLV9VilxQtBE2yPEEx9j1dgr7MxOiWM-Nox_6wLCE-La0oByYQZEUCjVEc6_1vX72ZW8jWgftHJ3hm8d1kjbqaLdq8XOJEoBMYoTr2zFtRmt3VawucqSl2sfe49w01Wo5js37PUfAq44l0" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgWHT3tG5lW-lruSXSJv2aMT1uu9zQEFaH3QT8_Ku7xKUIP7KLV9VilxQtBE2yPEEx9j1dgr7MxOiWM-Nox_6wLCE-La0oByYQZEUCjVEc6_1vX72ZW8jWgftHJ3hm8d1kjbqaLdq8XOJEoBMYoTr2zFtRmt3VawucqSl2sfe49w01Wo5js37PUfAq44l0" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjfZlZxGb_cXl037aDz5M90bwsF70Qtdl_MFuqfGV8qQlj3PWbMy2FnurIYcRSMCe4on9ihGmPz3nSRRmp1oOPcg-9fYiUFvmZuLQbwCpaXeyju8gPsOCmJL6szTJc9zNYR_tPSXehWR_C3Nx6MSsB-1elsu3_dhzEE1-OmfQfmoU5VECWIEFmDN9CwhGI" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjfZlZxGb_cXl037aDz5M90bwsF70Qtdl_MFuqfGV8qQlj3PWbMy2FnurIYcRSMCe4on9ihGmPz3nSRRmp1oOPcg-9fYiUFvmZuLQbwCpaXeyju8gPsOCmJL6szTJc9zNYR_tPSXehWR_C3Nx6MSsB-1elsu3_dhzEE1-OmfQfmoU5VECWIEFmDN9CwhGI" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p>It was a fun atmosphere to be among the crowds of boats anchored in the Bay for the same reason we were there. Many people were playing in water, which was not numbingly freezing. We paddled between all the boaters while listening to lovely music under a clear, warm sky. No better way to enjoy time with my love! A perfect Duluth day. </p>Asirekhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17491987532647770526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720837984861937374.post-22922075649120937602023-07-21T11:31:00.008-05:002023-07-23T09:11:22.658-05:00Spontaneity at its Finest <p> Yesterday was such a fun, spontaneous day that I wanted to capture it. Capturing these fun days and moments are something I want to focus on. First, to formulate those feel good pathways in my brain, and second, to remember them! </p><p>We woke up yesterday to a cool, foggy, humid July morning. My first day off after a full five days. Nothing was on my agenda but maybe to do some messy yard work. The idea of taking a road trip to Michigan was kind of in the back of both of our heads, but we also kind of postponed it for later in the week so when Amy suggested Michigan, I wasn't mentally prepared. After a few minutes of thinking about it, I thought it sounded like the most perfect way to spend an overcast and cool summer day. </p><p>After packing ourselves some organic ham sandwiches and tossing some water in a cooler, off we went. No plans. No agenda. Just take a road trip and see what we see. These are often our most fun outings usually with fun surprises and few, if any, disappointments. </p><p>Neither one of us was dressed for the coolness of the day (lowest recorded temp from the car thermometer was 57 despite the forecast of a day in the high 70s). We had planned to get out to stretch our legs, take a few hikes, but the weather was not super inviting. We had wanted to sit outside somewhere beautiful to eat our brought-from-home food. Alas, our tummies and our body temperature had us settle for the parking lot of the Ironwood rest stop where we watched old people slowly walk into the building and back out again. </p><p>After that, our next spontaneous stop was non other than WAL-MART! This was actually fun, and we even bought a few things. Me: a new outfit for work. Her: a knee brace for her bum knee. Plus on the drive there, we got to go through a cool, old, downtown looking area of Michigan that was reminiscent of a ghost town. </p><p>One more stop to get what we could obtain legally from Michigan before heading back home. On our way we drove past a sign for Interstate Falls. Should we stop? Should we continue home? Amy had a bum knee, and I didn't have warm clothes to hike in 57 degree, rainy weather. We both figured, "what the heck, why not?", so I turned the car around and headed back to the trail head. This was not a mistake. </p><p>As luck and preparation would have it, I carry some extra clothes in my car that included a rain poncho, long pants, and my work jacket. Amy now had her knee brace which made walking a bit less painful for her. I was warm. She was mobile. The trail was short.</p><p>This foggy dampness only added to the beauty of the woods. Dewey moss, dripping leaves, trees, roots, unseen critters, and of course running water with mini waterfalls kept pulling us to adventure. Waterfalls are my medicine. I love them, find them healing, and am often called to play in them. After arriving at the big waterfall, I wanted to do just that, so play I did! </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEihLHohGEUFhnMVDOtHBsoO3nEeK6i_7PjDahgYP2xmLFT8eXQEvQojZ-UXAT45sbtf3yPISxkXrF2a1K9funJdorAX-h75fAZ-zzjdQwd6rC7Q5-9Xt8i8EihISdRXEqNLOx17wDbPreWuu2ySFOmzVD56u0QdGbug3XXPnR3eVR75eO0x2FVtHOEBg1I" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEihLHohGEUFhnMVDOtHBsoO3nEeK6i_7PjDahgYP2xmLFT8eXQEvQojZ-UXAT45sbtf3yPISxkXrF2a1K9funJdorAX-h75fAZ-zzjdQwd6rC7Q5-9Xt8i8EihISdRXEqNLOx17wDbPreWuu2ySFOmzVD56u0QdGbug3XXPnR3eVR75eO0x2FVtHOEBg1I" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p>Outdoor temperature was chilly. Waterfall water temperature was sure to be cold, but something was calling me to play in the waters. I wanted to swim and play.....until I saw the crayfish. Or I should say "Michigan Lobsters". </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgTe42Quj2jWtC42MMxQ93Xvus_Os3-K-l7iWmBfhIq80eFurBviozD9J2VAe5EMUnVK5gZbe53cimB0TabBCRqGIu2fs1yK2PAhd5HE2yeF93FaqafHt4oX8yXwSqFOBRiqnq61Zi6dmb5E-znEUse-M4lHFgQwpBWu3V0tNyEpPcvQharUNLED0XU254" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgTe42Quj2jWtC42MMxQ93Xvus_Os3-K-l7iWmBfhIq80eFurBviozD9J2VAe5EMUnVK5gZbe53cimB0TabBCRqGIu2fs1yK2PAhd5HE2yeF93FaqafHt4oX8yXwSqFOBRiqnq61Zi6dmb5E-znEUse-M4lHFgQwpBWu3V0tNyEpPcvQharUNLED0XU254" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p>These things were swimming and scattering all over the rocky bottom of where I wanted to play. Big. Creepy. Eerie. And so many! But I didn't let them stop me. After stripping down to my bra and undies, and screeching reluctantly for several minutes, I surveyed the water, reminded myself they likely were not going to hurt me, and took a dive right in. (Seeing strangers approaching from up above also expedited my dip in the frigid water as they were on their way down and I was half naked.)</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgATg852NDCB6S5IVnJS3i8wj5_1sOT7DvMS8nD__Cv8Xb4skuarVgBciLBr2TFQQP5cjtGPF7JEvB2P09unQqpbm6pA1jjYPNTI0l1ndPgQcT5pgI3H-UrFl4-iZyuCppLgeyzkr-b2rHssCrvM5ncLUhFFGfUk2LrxG_AWZYDltvjZn9FIz_NZQKGF70" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="1334" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgATg852NDCB6S5IVnJS3i8wj5_1sOT7DvMS8nD__Cv8Xb4skuarVgBciLBr2TFQQP5cjtGPF7JEvB2P09unQqpbm6pA1jjYPNTI0l1ndPgQcT5pgI3H-UrFl4-iZyuCppLgeyzkr-b2rHssCrvM5ncLUhFFGfUk2LrxG_AWZYDltvjZn9FIz_NZQKGF70" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p>It was a quick dip, but it was a full dip indeed! No crayfish got me and I emerged feeling victorious, proud, and rejuvenated. As a cosmic reward, the sun begin to shine and miraculously the temperature spiked up to 75 keeping me warm on the hike back to the car. One seldom regrets the things they do, but often regret the things they do not do. I left this trail without any regrets. Thanks to my lady for her photography and pep talk. Not sure I would have done it without her undying support and encouragement. </p><p>Our trip didn't stop there. We visited a small, but beautiful cemetery where we wondered about those who passed, and enjoyed the beautiful vegetation and insects along the border. Another stop in Ashland where I wanted to take another dip in Lake Superior, but opted against it while making plans to revisit in the very near future.</p><p>This was a wonderful, beautiful, day filled with spontaneous moments and mood lifting experiences. Waterfalls are healing indeed. </p>Asirekhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17491987532647770526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720837984861937374.post-14759491192467851782023-07-16T12:35:00.002-05:002023-07-16T12:37:05.239-05:00Sunday Reflection premier<p>Getting back into blogging is something that has been in the back of my mind for quite some time, and I even have sporadically blogged from time to time. But I would like to blog even more. Last night, Amy had a brilliant idea that I could blog on my Sundays at work as sort of a Sunday Reflection, which is also a lovely form of self care for me. Once I finished all my office work for the day, I decided to do just that. Over my lunch hour, of course! </p><p>This is the result.</p><p>As many bloggers will tell you, one of the first blogs after not blogging for a while is usually about wanting to blog and not blogging. This one is no exception. I seem to be stuck with what I want to write about, or rather with what will flow out so that is always a good starting topic to help get unstuck.</p><p>Why am I stuck? I don't know. I think its because my own self judgment comes in and I get weirded out about what I am writing, how it will look, and what others will think. Then, I reread some of my old blogs, and feel inspired, and actually get amazed that I was able to produce such posts. How can I possibly keep producing worthwhile posts? These are just rambling thoughts to ramble about to help my very first Biweekly Sunday Reflection. </p><p>I like writing, and have yearnings to be an author. Not really, but kind of. A friend's husband of mine just cranked out a series of books, got them published and now they are selling on Amazon. I think that is so cool! (I would read them, but they are so not my kind of genre....fictional military strategic risk type genre). I don't really want to do that, but feel I am a writer in the depths of my soul. My own judgment says I am not, but I heard a quote the other day that said, "If you write, you're a writer". So write I shall. And a writer I shall be. </p><p>So I am at work. Writing. About nothing. Just letting words flow from my head through my fingers, and I am hoping in time this will feel less clunky with more fluidity. These few words that have been "penned" has taken me over 30 minutes to formulate. </p><p>Sundays in the office are quiet. Literally nobody else here right now. As I sit in an office made for 7 people, I am farting audibly. The other office area has one other person who did come in to share some funny, weird stories from her day. After coming from 24 years in mental health, her funny, crazy stories pale in comparison. Still, moving forward, Sundays will be a great day to dedicate some uninterrupted time to blog. With more practice and opportunity, will come more clarity and ease. </p><p>Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go visit some dying people. </p>Asirekhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17491987532647770526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720837984861937374.post-46013892245908092442023-01-03T09:33:00.002-06:002023-01-03T09:35:11.313-06:00Saying Goodbye<p> My mom used to tell me a story about how she knew I was a sensitive person when I was watching a Tom and Jerry cartoon from a highchair as a baby. I have no recollection of this, but apparently there is an episode where Tom and Jerry have to wave goodbye to a lion friend of theirs who is sailing away on a boat (or something like that). Toddler me was crying/sobbing along with Tom and Jerry while proclaiming "They will never see the lion again". </p><p>I have always hated goodbyes. They make me ugly-cry emotional. The last day of Jr. high school was a hyperventilating sob fest (in my defense this was a time before cell phones and social media which made staying in contact with my friends a little more difficult). Even simple goodbyes like leaving a gathering or work is awkward for me. My brother has earned the nickname "Houdini" because he is known to just disappear from social engagements. Though I am not quite that bad, I, too, have been known to just slip out so that I don't have to bid my farewells. </p><p>So, when I was presented with the idea of having a going away party for work, I immediately turned it down by adamantly saying "no way!" </p><p>Not only am I bad at goodbyes, but I also don't like being the center of attention. My mom had to come fetch me from the comfort of my bedroom during my high school graduation party because I was holed up in there avoiding all the people. </p><p>A going away party for myself is just about the worst possible circumstance I could find myself in. But after giving it some thought, I have decided to have a small, simple goodbye. </p><p>I need it for myself to honor the job...and the people...I have worked with, laughed with, cried with, wrestled with, for 24 years. Its a big deal and one that deserves a proper goodbye. Going to work in hospice, I am going to have to approach these emotionally difficult situations with goodbyes that are far more gut wrenching than leaving a job. So approach I will. </p><p>Watching a Barbara Walters special yesterday, there was a quote that said, "You never die as long as people say your name". This brought about a little fear and sadness within me because people do not ever remember my name. I will never forget my time on 3 MHU, and I am just hoping 3MHU does not forget my time there either. In my personal life, I do not have many in my family who are younger than me to share memories and "keep me alive" once I am gone from this world. My legacy will be in the lives I have touched through my work in mental health and now hospice. All of the staff who I have worked along side for 24 years will have some sort of my influence just as I have theirs. And with that, I know that some of what I brought to that unit will carry on which gives me some peace in knowing. Even if my name is not remembered, my energy remains always. </p><p><br /></p>Asirekhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17491987532647770526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720837984861937374.post-74084834016610059192023-01-02T15:07:00.001-06:002023-01-02T15:11:08.508-06:00Scully Cat<p> This post is about Scully Cat!</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBStv7vrz7pKEOFZIQ-x6If_Gkz1-1hG7rfV_ueLzR3bqv28fo6zQXM280AEi_G_41E47tcpIPSiezzSOGZb5YkpnJLZyUB3VPcZALgEq5dQ02h0eDC1Dc-ZQnODb6nPecLxfP3SRVL0pqcQsVzNWtbhlgCrz97Jx8_N-3tX5TQOjU28FkHPbBAE25/s4032/IMG_0225.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBStv7vrz7pKEOFZIQ-x6If_Gkz1-1hG7rfV_ueLzR3bqv28fo6zQXM280AEi_G_41E47tcpIPSiezzSOGZb5YkpnJLZyUB3VPcZALgEq5dQ02h0eDC1Dc-ZQnODb6nPecLxfP3SRVL0pqcQsVzNWtbhlgCrz97Jx8_N-3tX5TQOjU28FkHPbBAE25/s320/IMG_0225.JPG" width="240" style="max-height: 80%; max-width: 80%; height: auto; width: auto;"></a></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjg8aiTCUPtJo1X6uby_P5dr9KR7fDk0GuOojrxC2wdcI53Q9BRh5heYfbYxFuYpM33WiFtggpUM5hp1n5nXimDUiQ_EIgHHfeQIDTgQYUhs95jXDnCiZmXtoUswzcravC9ZLhde_dEB8il3TDZeVDy2CLguZIjbmbsYoKlAwTRtVLW5Yhbefx6C8yg/s4032/IMG_0208.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjg8aiTCUPtJo1X6uby_P5dr9KR7fDk0GuOojrxC2wdcI53Q9BRh5heYfbYxFuYpM33WiFtggpUM5hp1n5nXimDUiQ_EIgHHfeQIDTgQYUhs95jXDnCiZmXtoUswzcravC9ZLhde_dEB8il3TDZeVDy2CLguZIjbmbsYoKlAwTRtVLW5Yhbefx6C8yg/s320/IMG_0208.JPG" width="240" style="max-height: 80%; max-width: 80%; height: auto; width: auto;"></a></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxZv8qM60oj8kevBkszAF-dG18zk39wTzEERxCySQxyE6AzUmskaeavXI5PTodcFO7g_1K2B7Qld3_tuj8g5zarGa-Fmua473rlQVuYJRQxqOcK-UZp39dVpzUGBNBtiYaRk-FxdUYefRHQwcgVAH_BuU4PJSHSbObbgHIXe9MFiyS7dXvYcLUxohA/s4032/IMG_0155.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxZv8qM60oj8kevBkszAF-dG18zk39wTzEERxCySQxyE6AzUmskaeavXI5PTodcFO7g_1K2B7Qld3_tuj8g5zarGa-Fmua473rlQVuYJRQxqOcK-UZp39dVpzUGBNBtiYaRk-FxdUYefRHQwcgVAH_BuU4PJSHSbObbgHIXe9MFiyS7dXvYcLUxohA/s320/IMG_0155.JPG" width="240" style="max-height: 80%; max-width: 80%; height: auto; width: auto;"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br></div><div style="text-align: left;">Not the best pictures because I am having trouble uploading the ones I want. Also I am mad at her today so she will just have to settle for some sub par photos.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br></div><div style="text-align: left;">As I type this, she is crawling all over my lap, blocking my view from the screen, and laying on my arm to paralyze it from doing anything other than moving my fingers. But those are not the reasons I am upset with her today.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br></div><div style="text-align: left;">See, Scully does not care about anything. She will do as she pleases. So this morning she woke me up by scratching at the bedroom door, which we keep closed to ensure better quality sleep. For if we don't, Scully will walk upon our heads and perch herself on our sleeping bodies as though she owns us. So our door is closed. In front of our door is a protective barrier for the carpet as Scully has tried to claw her way into the bedroom causing quite some damage to the carpet. So, we have a heavy duty welcome mat, underneath an electric shock causing mat, held down by a large boulder. Still, Scully manages to claw through that all to wake me up in the morning. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br></div><div style="text-align: left;">In order to not positively reinforce me getting out of bed to feed her, I instead opened the door and squirted her with a squirt bottle. She got doused today! I kept squirting her and squirting her as she bolted around the living room like a little space invader target. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br></div><div style="text-align: left;">So, yeah, I am a little annoyed with her today. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br></div><div style="text-align: left;">She does not respond to discipline. So we ultimately just give up trying. The only cat who is "allowed" on the table and counter is Scully. We don't so much allow it as surrender to it. Its a lot of effort to discipline for nothing. She is a little naughty and an ultimate brat-cat much like Nermal from Garfield.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br></div><div style="text-align: left;">Poor Scully sometimes gets the nickname of "Garbage" because she is just an ordinary run-of-the-mill kind of cat. Not as unique as our other two. However, she is very endearing, gentle, and sweet. She is the most friendly-to-human cat we have at the moment. She gives good snuggles, on her terms only. If she is snuggling in, and you happen to move....or breathe....wrong, she leaves. She makes a great lap cat if you don't move or make any noises. When she wants affection though, there is not much you can do but to give it to her. She will crawl upon your shoulder, walk in front of your face, dance in circles on your lap until her needs are met. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br></div><div style="text-align: left;">Scully is smart! She learned how to do the high-five paw shake after watching Margie do it JUST ONE TIME! Smart she may be, but she is also a very proud cat. Going for stroller rides and doing dog tricks are beneath her, if you know what I mean. You be an often find Scully sleeping in a freshly laundered basket of clothing or underneath a small table we have named “jail”. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br></div><div style="text-align: left;">My morning anger with her has already subsided as she sat upon my lap purring the whole while I wrote this out. She knows how to manipulate and act all cute to get in good graces. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br></div><div style="text-align: left;">We love our Scully Cat and are very happy she is part of our family! </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><br><br></div><p></p>Asirekhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17491987532647770526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720837984861937374.post-61904796627019498732022-12-20T15:06:00.003-06:002023-07-16T11:57:23.720-05:00Decision Time<p> Well I did it. I took the leap! I officially accepted the position of the bereavement coordinator and will be leaving the job I have loved for 24 years. Well, I probably loved it for about 20 years. The past four years or so, I have tolerated it.</p><p>Seriously though, each day at work has been difficult for me. Claustrophobic, tedious, repetitive, old, boring. Sure it is "easy money" and I still hope I made the right decision as I will be working quite a bit more than I am now. Two more days a pay period more. Even more if you count the days I currently give up to another worker or call in. And lets face it, on those days I do give up, I don't really spend those days in any meaningful way....video games, television, maybe some housework. Always justified because I "need to rest". Perhaps I need to rest because my job sucks the life out of me leaving me nothing worthwhile on my days off. </p><p>When I look into the future with my new position, I see vibrant colors and blooming flowers of all kinds. When I look into the future for my current job, I see a dull flat line. Grey. There is nothing left for me to really learn at my current job, and, in fact, it seems as though my responsibilities are diminishing. Hence my decision. A coworker, upon hearing my news, cautioned me against leaving. Advised me to "Just take it one day at time, go inside yourself, and stay in your own lane". Well, I don't want to take life one day at a time in the way this is meant. Its slowly killing me....killing my spirit and my light. I started counting how many shifts I had left until I could retire at over 3,000 shift. I am down to 2,657 shifts, but that number has drastically decreased now that I officially accepted this new job! </p><p>Instead, I am following something that brings me excitement, curiosity, stimulation. I'll be learning something new, doing something new and hopefully feeling something fulfilling. This will feed my energy leaving me not quite so fatigued so that my days off will be more quality. That's my hope anyway. </p><p>Oh I have concerns a plenty. But overall, it feels right. If I just sit in the feeling of it, it feels good. If I let my thoughts take over, well, I think I am a fool. "I left a perfectly good job", "I could potentially make more money in less days if I stayed", "Its easy", "I could get paid for doing crosswords or watching movies", "I don't have any clothes for this new job (currently wear scrubs to work and pajamas on my days off)", "What if I can't handle all the emotions and sadness", "I won't have as many days off as Amy", "what will I do in the summer when I want to be out playing and am instead stuck working".....and the list goes on. </p><p>However, I feel like this decision is a culmination of everything that has happened over the past few years. This is the moment life was creating. I see God's hands in it. From my illness, to my relationship issues, to my personal issues, grief, and even my therapy. It all combined to create this moment so I feel I have no other choice BUT to accept this job. The ultimate "Choose love over Fear moment"....and I'm choosing love for ME! A decision I am making for ME. One that I think my heart and soul want to make and that will hopefully enrich my life on many different levels. </p><p>And today, my facebook is all about memes that say things like "Last year made you strong, Next year will make you happy", or "The best is yet to come". I really feel like that is true. The past year(s) made me strong so that I could make this decision confidently. And I have heard it said that one does not regret the things that one does, but rather regrets what they don't do. Oh I hope that is accurate! </p><p>Sure there is some grief over leaving the job I have called family for almost a quarter of a century, and I don't think the reality of all of that has even hit me yet. But I think I am ready. I've learned a lot, grown a lot, and have done what I can there. It is time to move on. </p><p>A new couch</p><p>A new fridge (with all new food even)</p><p>A new job</p><p>A new year</p><p>A new Me. <span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span></p><p></p>Asirekhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17491987532647770526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720837984861937374.post-88352406012660815142022-12-17T20:11:00.000-06:002022-12-17T20:11:35.096-06:00ConflictedLife sure has become interesting quickly these past few weeks. First, we both got the flu (or something similar that lasted weeks), then we had the tree guy issue (still not resolved). Just a few days ago, our fridge decided this was a good time to die. A new fridge has been ordered but will not be delivered for another week. Thankfully it is winter so we have been able to use Mother Nature as our refrigerator and freezer. All this just a week before Christmas.<div><br /></div><div>But wait, there's more!</div><div><br /></div><div>Of all things, I am pondering a career change. After nearly 24 years on the unit, another job kind of popped up for me. On a whim, I decided to apply. I updated my resume halfheartedly, submitted it, and got a job interview. I went into the interview blind and didn't really care the results of the interview since I already have a decent job that I usually don't mind. </div><div><br /></div><div>But then, I got offered the job! </div><div><br /></div><div>Now what do I do? I'm trying to just sort out all of the thoughts in my head and thought I would just kind of ramble away here and see where my thoughts take me.</div><div><br /></div><div>My new job would be as a bereavement coordinator through hospice, which is something I have been interested in ever since losing my mom. A few of my friends have reached out to me after the passing of their mom, and I have been able to support them. It brings me fulfillment and I can relate to the deep grief that losing a loved one brings. </div><div><br /></div><div>With this new job, comes working more: both more days and more effort. It also brings more autonomy with some days being able to work at home. Less pay hourly, though over time, it would pay more as my current job is nearly capped out with my wage earnings. I'm not in it for the money though. I am in it to help people through their grief journey. To provide some sort of support and connection during a time that one can feel alone and confused. </div><div><br /></div><div>Not to mention it would be a challenge, mentally stimulating, fresh, new, exciting. Scary. </div><div><br /></div><div>But do I want to leave my current job? A job I know and (used to) love. A job that allows me to not work a lot but has the opportunity to pick up and make a lot of money if needed? A job that is "easy". One where I could do crossword puzzles and get paid a decent wage to do so. But one where I am also kind of bored that feels like groundhog day. </div><div><br /></div><div> One thing I do know, is that I used to work A LOT. After my mom died, I slowed down a bit. I decided that I wanted to enjoy life more. Living life was more important that working so much. And I have done just that for the past 9 years. Living a life of leisure full of adventures: day trips, bike rides, kayaks, hikes, etc (before I got sick with Lyme anyway). Not sure I want to sacrifice my ample opportunity of leisure. </div><div><br /></div><div>Just some random thoughts. No clear answers. One minute I am certain I will take the job, the next I am certain I will not. Either way, it is validating and empowering to know that I CAN do something else if I so choose. They hired me. They wanted me! They even adjusted the work hours in order to hire me. Only I want them to adjust the hours even more. I asked, and was denied. Perhaps I ask again. Perhaps I leave it up to that. Ask again. If they want me bad enough, they will hire me. If not, maybe it just isn't meant to be. I don't know. </div><div><br />Monday I will be talking with Amy about it more seriously and I'm hoping it will bring some clarity for me. I'm just proud I went through the process and even considered getting out of my comfort zone. Whatever is meant to be, will be. </div><div><br /></div><div>Just blessed to be employed and to have options! </div>Asirekhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17491987532647770526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720837984861937374.post-184507082166228672022-12-13T22:23:00.008-06:002022-12-14T15:28:46.503-06:00A Job Not Done: Lessons Learned<p> As a young teenager, I vividly remember preaching to my dad about why he should never pay somebody for a job that was not finished. He did it all the time. And jobs never got finished. Never would I make that same mistake, right? But adulting is hard sometimes, mistakes are made, and lessons are learned.</p><p>A few weeks ago, a tree guy was in the neighborhood taking down some troublesome branches and trees. He was reasonably priced and seemed like a decent dude so I hired him to take down a bunch of overgrown and hazardous trees in my yard. He would chop off the large limbs, stack them up neatly in a pile, out of the way, until he could come back and grab all the lumber. Or so he said. Well, he did come. He did chop down some trees (Even the hammock tree, which he said he would leave...grrrrrr!). The first part of the job was done.....and I went to pay him. Why? I don't know. Because I am trusting and Believe someone will do something they say they will do. I gave him his cash with his word that he would be back to collect the massive mess he left behind. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgHv6NUfwUpeEmGadRlwRkiLmTW7moQzbnRh0LKkV9NtMSyjUVJODAPC1AfcLGhEy8UEyL4WUnMMPwRDEV8gY7KXNtxOYaZYj2WCIlB6roZvk0BKs4uZI4hTmFzKxqVjQMKUhcBCUgRzx6GA5Mo7x5kmBRWrBBSoe4s2jJMe9AGbuXBahKL14pHd5l-" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgHv6NUfwUpeEmGadRlwRkiLmTW7moQzbnRh0LKkV9NtMSyjUVJODAPC1AfcLGhEy8UEyL4WUnMMPwRDEV8gY7KXNtxOYaZYj2WCIlB6roZvk0BKs4uZI4hTmFzKxqVjQMKUhcBCUgRzx6GA5Mo7x5kmBRWrBBSoe4s2jJMe9AGbuXBahKL14pHd5l-" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br />Fast forward two weeks, several texts, several promises to come "tomorrow", one ominous blizzard approaching, and no word from Mr. Tree Guy. Let it be known that in all of my texts, I was careful and cautious of my wording in case we ended up on Judge Judy...I didn't want to say anything that Judge Judy would scold me for. I also made sure I made several references to having paid him so that that could not be disputed. After all, I got no receipt and have no evidence of having even paid him since I had a load of cash at home (Bill paid me back). So I was making my case for Judge Judy in text form (I think I would win!). <p></p><p>Our yard is very soft. Its not meant to have several hundred pounds of wood laying all over so this was very concerning, causing sleepless nights and frantic texts for him to come before the expected 20 inches of snow fell. No word. </p><p>So what does one do? One comes home from work and watches Little House on the Prairie. Well, poor pregnant Laura is tending the the farm during a drought when Manly (Oh how I hate that nickname!) was out of town earning a whopping $150. Laura hauled buckets and buckets of water during a rare Minnesota heatwave in order to save her orchard. </p><p>The wood in our yard was not going to move itself, and the tree guy certainly made it clear he was not going to finish his job. So out I went. Inspired by Laura....and my own anal-ness about having a tidy yard. How in the WORLD am I going to mow in the spring time?! </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgCkOheS2auJ2X9UIBgJTbmyLmmkbB-oxo3Wv_gwM03Ns7Vw1fPhDBm0hdb-y2gZ1HEU8a9YsOCaSpcKN8pjSJkAi0j8txI7PDDZakn4X-Wg50NAm2zLEtF5-rjCBazFsWhrtQ1m9lelGX7bbHmlU_jTb9DXeYr_8XHiy1ZWnHYo0XlM6sr7BxBLauZ" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgCkOheS2auJ2X9UIBgJTbmyLmmkbB-oxo3Wv_gwM03Ns7Vw1fPhDBm0hdb-y2gZ1HEU8a9YsOCaSpcKN8pjSJkAi0j8txI7PDDZakn4X-Wg50NAm2zLEtF5-rjCBazFsWhrtQ1m9lelGX7bbHmlU_jTb9DXeYr_8XHiy1ZWnHYo0XlM6sr7BxBLauZ" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p>I hauled tons of wood! Piled it in inconspicuous areas of the yard that would cause the least amount of damage. Both to the yard and to the eyes. Some of the pieces had to be hundreds of pounds, and those are the ones I rolled away best I could. All the physical labor (two straight hours) helped to expel all the rage I was feeling from this situation. Two neighbor boys did come by (dressed in crocks, shorts, and short sleeve t-shirts in the middle of December with a blizzard approaching) and helped a great deal. They didn't last too long due to their attire and age 10 muscles, but they certainly earned their $20. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgvhBT6h5jfhSybtIu8JgyL-h3c5XuTRUYK4FMNWvePqLzgkuBEvuLf1jxn__iQwWVERDY52oK7teOCZA-las7mTVfAlxLlWm5njVIf5jW8qLSZgD8YjWWberBHXOkTYOOjLqVxB_JUkRSh366_nohy0MuF5f_QDyZ68a1CZiOoDao_OCmXDHZmPxxS" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="450" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgvhBT6h5jfhSybtIu8JgyL-h3c5XuTRUYK4FMNWvePqLzgkuBEvuLf1jxn__iQwWVERDY52oK7teOCZA-las7mTVfAlxLlWm5njVIf5jW8qLSZgD8YjWWberBHXOkTYOOjLqVxB_JUkRSh366_nohy0MuF5f_QDyZ68a1CZiOoDao_OCmXDHZmPxxS" width="180" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjdPM2y-3X3rCDq75ZmhX1kcaBC_2B2Rf_7cbXuw2Xm7B9g1qMoFZEYfHESu7H6tckIAld3Y2Yz6mqgYN_TnBXaL9KlC3uZZjX0ar3Gq8KqO9vWSE271PGEBY5Lx8DnShdf9C0Vzca2mI8VkqcZT307VJZQu4-X8MvHpHfPs_Pk11xgpPMYQ3X79v5Z" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjdPM2y-3X3rCDq75ZmhX1kcaBC_2B2Rf_7cbXuw2Xm7B9g1qMoFZEYfHESu7H6tckIAld3Y2Yz6mqgYN_TnBXaL9KlC3uZZjX0ar3Gq8KqO9vWSE271PGEBY5Lx8DnShdf9C0Vzca2mI8VkqcZT307VJZQu4-X8MvHpHfPs_Pk11xgpPMYQ3X79v5Z" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiHHMejNawjKls8lw83WNxyAXSuQpDMgQhEmSdgUffhvoZHYS2awFzQncxHLyIAlv2aHjqE1Ai0Kh2W7YAsgdcEctb5YMM4WahS7hWnR1UrN3-ABiKV-uzPfzjh4snlCg_b8mxZQw3-XPQdyb0Rs0UUBnT6kNigTyByF--HKBwmjToxM8Z2zMIRMfW8" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiHHMejNawjKls8lw83WNxyAXSuQpDMgQhEmSdgUffhvoZHYS2awFzQncxHLyIAlv2aHjqE1Ai0Kh2W7YAsgdcEctb5YMM4WahS7hWnR1UrN3-ABiKV-uzPfzjh4snlCg_b8mxZQw3-XPQdyb0Rs0UUBnT6kNigTyByF--HKBwmjToxM8Z2zMIRMfW8" width="180" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><p>Stone Soup. In the Little House episode, Ma tells the story to the school children about Stone Soup....how a bunch of people can come together to accomplish something. All the children went to Laura's to help her with her orchard. And that is exactly what I experienced! The neighborhood children came to help me out. Together we got all the wood moved minutes before it started to freezing rain. Something else to be thankful for. </p><p> In the midst of a crummy situation, beauty also exists. A wonderful wife who is so forgiving for my errors in judgment and who supported me during my rageful time, neighbors who came together to help us out, and other neighbors who I know got our back when times are not easy. Its heartwarming to see people pull together to help each other out and to celebrate what is good and true in this world. </p><p>Lets not forget about Lessons Learned here. So many lessons. </p><p>One). Never pay for a job that is not complete. This lesson I have always known, but now I have learned.</p><p>Two). Get a contract. In writing.</p><p>Three). Never pay in cash.</p><p>Four). Get the guy's name. I don't know his name or the name of his company! What a fool!! </p><p>Five). Don't steal. Sometimes I have this habit of stealing things from the store...like cat litter, cat food, cherries....Its always been justified that I am not stealing from a human, but I am. Plus Karma. I do not like this feeling of being taken advantage of. Its gross. Its not something I want to support. Just be honest and real. I bet if I acted more accordingly, Karma would also act accordingly. </p><p><br /></p>Asirekhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17491987532647770526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720837984861937374.post-25771266678890234302022-09-08T16:28:00.005-05:002022-09-08T16:37:30.419-05:00Canadia Land<p>Living just two hours from the Canadian Border my whole life, I have always wanted to venture to Canada. A bucket list item you might say. Actually, my bucket list item was to cross the Canadian Border, not necessarily go to Canada. After Covid prevented this from happening two years ago, this was the year to make it happen. It also happened to be Amy's and my seven year Anniversary so it was extra special. </p><p>We have seen the border before, but never crossed it. It was a little nerve wracking approaching the border patrol agent even though we weren't international smuggles of any kind. Unless you count egg salad sandwiches. We packed our own lunch to have lovely picnic at our first Canadian stop: Kakabeka Falls. When the patrol agent started to question us if we had any poultry items on board including turkey, chicken, or eggs, I began to panic. What do I say? Do I tell the truth and risk them confiscating our organic egg salad sandwich lunch we were eagerly anticipating? No, don't lie. Just tell the truth. So I came clean. Admitted the contraband we had on board. Thankfully he let us enter since the poultry items he was referring to was LIVE poultry and unprocessed egg items. At least we could eat our sandwiches without a guilty conscious thinking the Canadian Mounted Police would come get us.</p><p>Next up: Kakabeka Falls! Also known as the "Niagra of the North" because of its sheer size. Though no comparison to the real Niagara Falls (also on my bucket list), Kakabeka was definitely the biggest waterfall either one of us have ever seen. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg4shCKVVdyHaOyHUTAN3hwOkmySY6klszZIkmN20-Z1KEUMlVruyEupGUwE9lZb1yM-5sAu9IaFr1E3WrVE_HoRunUF6d_jljjrQqTD3RU8XCOVDq36dsakzd4sXYRdHjkiCKVgOJRLPjAcixsHxL0JXtTsHZ00rSbx7VpGIKtvujuTfqoV8wD7ohI" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="189" data-original-width="267" height="227" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg4shCKVVdyHaOyHUTAN3hwOkmySY6klszZIkmN20-Z1KEUMlVruyEupGUwE9lZb1yM-5sAu9IaFr1E3WrVE_HoRunUF6d_jljjrQqTD3RU8XCOVDq36dsakzd4sXYRdHjkiCKVgOJRLPjAcixsHxL0JXtTsHZ00rSbx7VpGIKtvujuTfqoV8wD7ohI" width="320" /></a></div><p>We enjoyed our almost illegal sandwiches and then went on a lovely hike in the Canadian wilderness. It was a perfect hike with just the right amount of hills, climbs, miles, and surprises like this one below. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjLiFwJ8vQdF6dfUsffaUX1cCbGx-UEhZxu8aNFvMBhpJwrnPceTLUJs4sfj3XANVQghwHcTxWShx1XnK__qTaybPo87id4Qyr2fk0zQ1xW2f-XZVBEzIDWmSBv1s8aCYE9ZhAT4N9TpVh_FhAEMZusfgaTSEtx4ULDNoQXkO4p1sxxNCePb4UNoXWN" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjLiFwJ8vQdF6dfUsffaUX1cCbGx-UEhZxu8aNFvMBhpJwrnPceTLUJs4sfj3XANVQghwHcTxWShx1XnK__qTaybPo87id4Qyr2fk0zQ1xW2f-XZVBEzIDWmSBv1s8aCYE9ZhAT4N9TpVh_FhAEMZusfgaTSEtx4ULDNoQXkO4p1sxxNCePb4UNoXWN" width="180" /></a></div><br />Another smaller waterfall put a giant smile on my face and some pep in my step. This hike was one of the longer and effort inducing hikes I have been on since recovering from Lyme, and I am happy to report that I was able to do it without much struggle. <p></p><p>Canada was pretty much like home. Only different. We rode our bikes around our equivalent of Bayfront Park and Canal Park. We found ourselves in the middle of a lovely outdoor festival where we partook in some legalized greenery and some delicious ice cream. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjKYA9gX7naHn57LkoAeIP4RyreY1xz_9UUKoYpxQxs6ttwvtXuEsAl9PCVPHEJnbYCwilbFVx6XXENLfEV9hSoseKOtTU-3NErMuPEP2fsmyjXTxzmW8vVPt4diqyM5b3Siz6PyY8wpUU211Nb5J8djM93Awsr5J2ahlGOIzTaKYS7UZKTxebcCK7Q" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjKYA9gX7naHn57LkoAeIP4RyreY1xz_9UUKoYpxQxs6ttwvtXuEsAl9PCVPHEJnbYCwilbFVx6XXENLfEV9hSoseKOtTU-3NErMuPEP2fsmyjXTxzmW8vVPt4diqyM5b3Siz6PyY8wpUU211Nb5J8djM93Awsr5J2ahlGOIzTaKYS7UZKTxebcCK7Q" width="180" /></a></div><p><br /></p>Our hotel was an interesting experience. Our room number was 217, which is well known to be one of the most haunted rooms in the Stanley Hotel from the Shining. Though cool in and of itself, our room was anything but. Amy got a horrible asthmatic reaction from a horrible odor or from the incredibly moldy air conditioner that blocked what should have been our lake view. Instead, we had a teeny tiny window that we had to stand up to enjoy any view of the lake. <p></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjz7TBU27C1V5n6deaBAgxHOidWxh1zIJ9_l_QzwYMMZf_ZtE6-tqF_MKKfyj0Ei9_pl2ZlSrwd2O6aV_G9ODtl3sorRtJKDKUiNM4sRDXnRlSbiCNTIq9yfc4kwICs_KdeWuSNVWg3xm2ZbOQZtNbXz7_K--PXd7ok3l31LGFBbw27rgp9Q0wfM55D" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjz7TBU27C1V5n6deaBAgxHOidWxh1zIJ9_l_QzwYMMZf_ZtE6-tqF_MKKfyj0Ei9_pl2ZlSrwd2O6aV_G9ODtl3sorRtJKDKUiNM4sRDXnRlSbiCNTIq9yfc4kwICs_KdeWuSNVWg3xm2ZbOQZtNbXz7_K--PXd7ok3l31LGFBbw27rgp9Q0wfM55D" width="320" /></a></div><br />Still, we had a wonderful vacation. Before heading home we hiked another hike at Cascade Falls where there was reported to be a group of "mermaids" hanging about. Though we did not see the mermaids, we saw plenty of trees, mushrooms, squirrels, and babbling rivers of water....just like home. Also we made a must do stop at Walmart to see the different food items they had available. We packed our bags with chips (All dressed chips) and several different chocolate candy bars (afterall, we were still in Canada where weed is legal) and headed back home, across the border once again. Reentering the US was equally intimidating with camera taking pictures of the vehicle and yet another border patrol agent questioning what we were bringing back. Again, I got all nervous and confessed our smuggle. Chips and candy. Though it was "just Canada", it was a little sigh of relief to be back on American soil where the speed limit is posted in Miles and not Kilometers. <div><p></p><p>Though I got a bucket list item knocked off, the best part of the whole trip was just spending time with my lady on our 7th Anniversary. I could not ask for a better travel partner nor a better life partner. I am excited to continue crossing bucket list items off as we continue to venture through this weird and wonderful world together. </p></div>Asirekhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17491987532647770526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720837984861937374.post-22684598151215890032022-05-08T08:35:00.003-05:002022-05-08T08:35:51.437-05:00Mother's Day postpartumToday marks the 9th Mother's Day without my mom. Crazy to think its been that long!<div>My first few Mother's Day after she died were really difficult. I took those days to just be sad. Cry. Remember. Grieve. Then I got to thinking that I did not want to be sad on a day of such remembrance, and instead I wanted to honor my mom. Celebrate her! Of course, both things can exist, and they sure do.</div><div><br /></div><div>One thing that I have adopted as a way to celebrate my mom is to brighten someone else's day with flowers. I used to buy my mom all of her spring flowers for Mother's Day so I am always sure to get myself a hanging basket in her memory as well as gift someone else with flowers. I try to pick someone who might also find this day to be a difficult one. The first year, I gifted flowers to a coworker who has a strained relationship with her son. The year after, another coworker who had recently lost her mom. Followed by another coworker who lost her mom to suicide. Last year, it was a male coworker whose mom died years ago. This year, I am going to bring flowers to my niece who has a strained relationship with her own mom. Its a perfect way to honor my beautiful mother and to keep her memory alive. To think of all the people she continues to touch even years after her death is pretty astounding. <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Mother's Day is my own sacred holiday for just me and my mom. All the other holidays and significant days (like her Birthday or death day) has me checking in with all my family members to acknowledge both my mom's life and also our loss. But Mother's Day, I keep to myself. Quietly celebrating the woman who gave me life and helped me be who I am today. I miss her everyday. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhfpnxosCz4SfL1JY74_7_3wo_cyN6cnzzdyDvTN5tfy23ESkR7VRwD4sU1xOapOWSroYY2BRWohZxmZLMwwRBiYBTEhjzuRaYActSOEF68h0dvbhO6eMIebqJ2Blnulmes6VlaeNqkHjFCoYDlvRQL37GwOaWVAvuL3Q0EPt4j7cAiJMYv4DGCTRsG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="611" data-original-width="813" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhfpnxosCz4SfL1JY74_7_3wo_cyN6cnzzdyDvTN5tfy23ESkR7VRwD4sU1xOapOWSroYY2BRWohZxmZLMwwRBiYBTEhjzuRaYActSOEF68h0dvbhO6eMIebqJ2Blnulmes6VlaeNqkHjFCoYDlvRQL37GwOaWVAvuL3Q0EPt4j7cAiJMYv4DGCTRsG" width="319" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div><div>Happy Mother's Day!</div>Asirekhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17491987532647770526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720837984861937374.post-44896743963494411972022-04-23T19:05:00.003-05:002022-04-23T19:05:58.778-05:00Supporting Actress<p> I just got done reading "Helen Keller" (and watching all three different movie variations). The relationship between Helen Keller and Annie Sullivan really resonated with me, even leading me to sentimental tears on a few occasions. I've watched Helen Keller a few times in the past, and have always been in awe of Helen. This time through, I became in awe of Annie Sullivan. She is, after all, the Miracle Worker. A silent, steadfast teacher who, essentially, gave up her own life so that Helen could have one. Helen gets all the limelight and fanfare, but it is because of Annie that Helen was able to succeed.</p><p>Some other supporting ladies I have related to is Olivia de Havilland's Melanie from Gone With the Wind, and Barbara Hershey's character (Hillary) from Beaches. I greatly admire Scarlet O'hara's guts, sass, tenacity, and remarkable talent. However, I relate more to Melanie: loyal, determined, moral, and full of love. Scarlet is loud, glitzy, the star of the show. Melanie is....forgettable.</p><p>In Beaches, CeCe (played by Bette Midler) is again, the star of the show. Its been a looooong time since I have seen this movie, but the character of Hillary has always stuck with me. It is because of Hillary that CeCe was able to be who she was; a successful entertainer. CeCe is memorable and talented while Hillary is forgettable and supportive. (In fact, I had to look up the name of Barbara Hershey's character's name while I fully remembered CeCe.) </p><p>Annie, Melanie, and Hillary. Three supporting actresses who have made a mark on my heart, and I think I discovered why. I, too, am a supporting lady. Like the above supporting ladies, I am silently supporting those around me in ways that may go unnoticed. From my friends to family members to people at my job. Many of the kids I work with do not remember my name. However, I choose to believe they remember some of the things I have said or done while they have been in my care. Many little seeds of hope and healing have been planted by this supporting actress in the 23 years working with suicidal children.</p><p>I enjoy my supporting role, and in fact, have come to embrace it. Its in my soul. I believe it is a part of my purpose on this Earth. What a beautiful, fulfilling, and honorable role to have. I'm grateful it is mine. </p>Asirekhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17491987532647770526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720837984861937374.post-58947809649540012032022-04-23T18:12:00.001-05:002022-04-23T18:12:17.171-05:00Middle Aged Travelers<p> April 2022 was a nice time to get away to Florida. We left Duluth on a nice spring day, temps in the mid 50's. We were a little sad to be leaving our nice weather, but once we arrived in 90 degree Florida, Duluth had a messy spring storm for nearly the entire time we were basking in the sun. Not gonna lie, we were a bit elated to know folks back home were in a slushy, snowy mess while we swam in the hot sun.</p><p>Our vacation was an intentional one of relaxation so we did not have a big agenda. It was a perfect reset full of fun, laughs, and intimate pool chats.</p><p>Here we are a couple of middle aged women doing pool Olympics complete with handstands, handwalking, judging and critiques. We each took home a gold medal in the handstand competition. We are both professionals after our years of practice and expertise. It is fun to be a kid still! In addition to our handstands, we participated in another juvenile pool activity. Yup, we peed in the pool (Sshh, don't tell). We kept track of how many times we relieved ourselves by holding up our fingers for each time we were too lazy to get out of the pool. We got upwards of over 5 times each by the end of pool time. Gross, I know.</p><p>Ice cream was a perfect way to cool off in the humid, 90 degree heat. But eating it outside was not the perfect way in which to eat the ice cream. We were a sloppy mess covered in rapidly melting ice cream. We had to eat it so fast that I don't think either one of us tasted much of our delicious dessert. We ate it on the dock so the drips could just fall into the water below. And this is where we discovered the relaxi-taxi! The water taxi was a cheap way to get a boat ride in right from our hotel. We wish we would have discovered the water taxi earlier in our trip, but this night we opted for ice cream instead of liquor. Once you get over a certain age, you have to make choices and sacrifices. </p><p>Also, as a middle aged woman, it seems I have classified the Red Hot Chili Peppers as "heavy metal music". For some reason, Amy finds this hilarious. I guess they are not heavy metal after all. </p><p>Right from our hotel room, we have views of dolphins and manatees swimming off in the distance. My middle aged eyes also discovered there were black pelicans on the beach next to our hotel. I was so excited to go visit the pelicans especially once I saw another woman walk near them and they didn't move. They must be friendly pelicans! Imagine our disappointment to find that my eyes deceived us and they weren't pelicans after all, but rather they were tires on the beach. I wanted to go see these mysterious pelicans not only once, but twice! After realizing they were just tires, I was still in denial, and got excited moments later when I again thought I saw pelicans.....Amy had to remind me that my eyes were playing tricks on me!</p><p>On our final day there, we went to a butterfly conservatory which was beautiful and lovely. This solidified my middle aged-ness when I found out that they considered a senior citizen to be aged 50! Just two short years away, and I would have been able to get reduced senior rates!</p><p>When it came time to pack the suitcase to head home, our suitcase gained over 5 pounds, not from all of our travel souvenirs we bought, but because of all the food we stole from the continental breakfast each morning. Oh, those Florida oranges sure were tasty back home in Duluth!</p><p>More highlights of the vacation included a mama manatee with two babies seen while kayaking, dolphins from our hotel, a dead rat at the hotel restaurant, and a mascot parrot named "Blue" (who was kind of scary)!</p><p>Though traveling is always a nice getaway, coming back home is even sweeter. There simply is no place like home!</p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhTXkW6w1Fo5gxxl2UgtjwEUvfS1rLs0JsQGisYJr0ykyujL0yT6RPbtp8lwva7_dc2iDq3NONSGTSMkBAI4MExYhJW3EpDxK-Q6Ow4vn8Ld5gaF07DoqitBQ7-tBrL5GdtVaLoDUYaJ5Eb4JVUyRCHTgblyIh4iwk5TqZeW6_YX6m8R2VyGP1wafUc" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhTXkW6w1Fo5gxxl2UgtjwEUvfS1rLs0JsQGisYJr0ykyujL0yT6RPbtp8lwva7_dc2iDq3NONSGTSMkBAI4MExYhJW3EpDxK-Q6Ow4vn8Ld5gaF07DoqitBQ7-tBrL5GdtVaLoDUYaJ5Eb4JVUyRCHTgblyIh4iwk5TqZeW6_YX6m8R2VyGP1wafUc" width="180" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgspwuLErzmQ-UDMLIvKkFHhXb6sBfPQx9Q6C_4Qsse3Kn00pYKsc8h50IvjlVKUfos092KvLZZT9nq6AOEN_5PfrjnI1VYrKUprxMPuU8__coq4k5OdNQVqEIfC_70A6mRJ9Ad2x5ldMg5e04ZVE3LyOUOqiYIZo2gs1DFrkMN_1lHJqJPPMBL42QQ" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgspwuLErzmQ-UDMLIvKkFHhXb6sBfPQx9Q6C_4Qsse3Kn00pYKsc8h50IvjlVKUfos092KvLZZT9nq6AOEN_5PfrjnI1VYrKUprxMPuU8__coq4k5OdNQVqEIfC_70A6mRJ9Ad2x5ldMg5e04ZVE3LyOUOqiYIZo2gs1DFrkMN_1lHJqJPPMBL42QQ" width="180" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><br /><p></p>Asirekhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17491987532647770526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720837984861937374.post-66671927364570483192022-03-22T20:12:00.004-05:002022-03-22T20:20:27.882-05:00Tonya Harding Day<p> Years ago, my lady and I created our very own holiday. It happened after seeing the movie "I Tonya" and learning about the spirit of Tonya Harding. She is who she is. Feisty. Unapologetic. Unstoppable (albeit a bit questionable). A fighter with a winning spirit. So we took those qualities and made our own holiday that became a day for us to be unapologetic, indulgent, and hilarious. In years past, we picked an "enemy" to pour all of our negative energy into. Last year, that enemy was woodticks (some past honorable mentions belong to a jacket from work, geese, and who knows what else).</p><p>This year, we celebrated a little differently. It has been a difficult year emotionally for both of us. Motivation to celebrate anything has been challenging, and I am not even certain we celebrated Tonya Harding Day last year. The year before we had planned to take the DTA city bus, but covid happened and public outings were banned. </p><p>So this year on Feb 6th, Tonya Harding Day proper, we decided to finally take the bus downtown and just have an adventure. See what we see. Just let the day unfold as it shall and experience the day for what it is.</p><p>We were pleasantly surprised. </p><p>I didn't know what to expect on the bus, but figured that I would see some shady characters on the bus and perhaps feel a little uncomfortable not having been on local public transportation since high school, which is far too many years ago to even count.</p><p>Some differences I noticed was that there was a bin in the front of the bus designated for groceries so that people could place their grocery bags in a secure bin rather than on the dirty floor. Another was the difference in the request for the bus to stop. In years past, it was just an annoying "DING". Now, it was a very quiet ding followed by the robotic voice pronouncing "Stop requested". </p><p>The passengers were surprisingly thankful. Nearly every single person who departed the bus via the back door, thanked the bus driver at the front of the bus for the ride. It brought tears to my eyes to see the humanity, the gratitude, and the kindness. If the passenger did not say thank you, the bus driver saluted "have a nice day" as the passengers departed. Heartwarming! This happened on both the initial trip as well as the return trip which led me to assume this was a common occurrence on the bus. Local culture on public transportation. </p><p>Examples of the generosity of the human spirit were ever present. One guy boarded the bus unable to pay. The bus driver gave him a free ride. A rough looking young couple in the front of the bus gladly moved to the back to free up closer seats when cane using passengers boarded. A little dog toting lady in a wheelchair also boarded. The driver took a few minutes to help secure her safely in her spot only to have to patiently unbuckle her just two blocks later. </p><p>Yes, it was a lovely holiday. The actual bus ride was the highlight, but we also enjoyed a delicious lunch (with a gift card), and a stroll through part of our skyway system. </p><p>It did not escape us that we were using the bus voluntarily as a form of entertainment. Something different. New. Most, if not all, people on the bus were riding it because they had to. Though we had blast, we were very glad to not have to rely on public transportation on a daily basis. It took one hour.....each way....to travel what would take about 20 minutes in our vehicle. It was loud, dirty, cold, long, tiring. But what we will remember is the heartwarming experience.</p><p>Both of us enjoy being at home and venturing with strange people can be anxiety inducing. But once you leave the house, it isn't as scary as the imagination makes it out to be. In fact, people are good and goodness exists all around, especially if your eyes are open to it. Tonya Harding Day 2022 was an eye opening reminder of the goodness of people. This year, a symbol of hope and light and love. </p><p>Thanks, Tonya! </p>Asirekhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17491987532647770526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720837984861937374.post-90949304233603267932022-01-28T16:01:00.005-06:002022-01-28T16:31:03.887-06:00Lyme Time<p> Seems I always feel like I have so much on my mind, but when it comes time to put thoughts into words, I struggle. Then I begin to worry about the judgement of myself and others potentially reading my blogs which increases any blockage that already exists. </p><p>But here goes. </p><p>In a previous post, I wrote a little about how Lyme disease works, the controversy surrounding it, and a snippet of my experience. Two years in, and another current flare up, has given me a lot to process and accept.</p><p>So facebook has been showing me a lot of my "memories" from years past, and after reading them, I sometimes feel sad. My posts are happy, uplifting, real, and full of life! It makes me pine for that time and those feelings. And I realized that I am kind of grieving the me that used to be.</p><p>I went from being called an "energizer bunny" to being a couch potato. I went from having over 700 hours of sick time, to calling in sick for days, weeks, or even months at a time. I went from being a loyal and prompt friend, to one who cancels plans at the last minute. A flake. I went from being the friend who others called for support, to being the one who needed support. I went from the sister/daughter/niece/partner who had it all together to being a wreck sobbing on the other end of the phone. I went from having mild anxiety to having moderate to severe anxiety some days. I went from feeling hopeful, optimistic, and grateful to feeling hopeless, pessimistic, and hateful. I went from being relatively social to isolating myself almost completely (with recent strides to reconnect). I went from being active to not even having the desire to be active. From a morning person to an afternoon person. From feeling full of life to feeling empty inside. From eating whatever I wanted to reading labels, eating organic, and monitoring sugar intake. From having a way with words to staring blankly at the screen before me; each sentence a challenge to expel. </p><p>More than just Lyme disease has contributed to all of the above, but having Lyme enter my body and my life has been life changing. Life. Changing. Lyme stole my soul. </p><p>Yes, stole my soul.</p><p>Its how I can best describe it. To describe this in words is so hard, and I am desperate to be able to accurately explain how this feels. And I am struggling to put this down in words. Struggling.</p><p>Lyme feels like a dark force overtaking my body and mind. The essence of who I am feels trapped way down deep inside while another entity acts on my behalf. My thoughts are not mine. </p><p>I can't continue as I am struggling to convey how this has affected me, but I will try to close with some hope.</p><p>I heard a quote (saw a meme) that said, "Maybe you're not healing because you're trying to be who you were before the trauma. That person doesn't exist anymore--there is a new you trying to be born. <i>Breathe life into that person."</i></p><p>As I move forward on this journey, I am going to nurture myself best I can. Continue to battle the bacteria that are trying to be in control. Find the gratitude that comes with every day and live in the abundance of blessings that surround me. </p><p>Man, this isn't the post I set out to write at all, but it is what it is and so it shall be. </p><p><br /></p>Asirekhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17491987532647770526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720837984861937374.post-30480080893315229392022-01-01T18:23:00.004-06:002022-01-01T18:23:59.878-06:00Connecting Again (Part 2)Christmas of 2021 prompted me to reach out to my niece Shayna, who has been absent from the family for 20 years or more! After Leanne (her mom) and Bill got divorced, Leanne brainwashed Shayna into believing bad things about Bill and our family. Leanne withheld cards and presents and even stooped so low as to falsify an email from Shayna to Bill saying she wanted nothing to do with her dad. Feeble attempts at reaching out has fallen flat. Too much time, too much anxiety, and too much hurt has prevented any real relationship from growing.<div><br /></div><div>Well, I got real brave and decided to apologize for past mistakes and invited Shayna to reconnect by going out to dinner. She was brave herself and agreed!</div><div><br /></div><div>With excitement and apprehension, we set a date and did not cancel. Though we both were secretly hoping the other would do just that. First meeting was awkward. A hug and some nervous laughter preceded our meal, but once we sat down, it was surprisingly easy and natural. She mentioned how she couldn't stop looking at me, seeing herself in my face. I couldn't stop staring at her for the beautiful young woman she had become. Regret was present for both of us as we realized all the wasted years that we can not get back. I missed watching her grow. She missed my guidance and love when her own mother could not provide that for her. </div><div><br /></div><div>But we have now, and we have decided we are going to build a relationship from here. Our talk was crazy relatable. Our lives are eerily similar. And now that we are connecting, perhaps Shayna and her dad can reconnect as well. They need each other, and time is limited. </div><div><br /></div><div>So yeah, reconnecting with my family has been wonderful. Yet Bittersweet. With reconnection come the reminders of the losses. People I've lost. Time that has been lost. The only thing to do is move forward from here, knowing better and doing better. </div><div><br /></div><div>Setting out to 2022 with the intention to be the best version of me I can be. Cheers!</div>Asirekhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17491987532647770526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720837984861937374.post-67319289506877091162022-01-01T17:51:00.004-06:002022-01-01T17:51:44.032-06:00Connecting Again (Part 1)<p> Christmas 2021 was a milestone for me and my family. For the first time since my mom died, eight years ago, we gathered together as a whole family on a holiday. Since my mom has been gone, we have pretty much ignored any holidays, and certainly have not gotten together on any holiday. For the first few years, Christmas did not even exist for us. Never have we acknowledged a Thanksgiving as a family. All doing our separate things. Sure, there might be a stray text or perhaps even a phone call, but to celebrate and enjoy has been foreign to my family for eight years. </p><p>This year, it just kind of came together. I had plans to go to my dad's house certainly. Naturally Bill would be there. Then I invited my aunt Dorie, who is a very youthful 86! Then John came on board on the 23rd, and finally Jim decided to come.</p><p>My energy and motivation is very lacking so I was quite up front and told all that I would not be making or providing food. Just a gathering would be sufficient. Though I felt a little guilty about my lack of bringing more festivity, I was happy to just have the family together on a holiday. And bless Jim's girlfriend Shelly, who brought cheese and crackers. And bless Bill's lady friend Judi who brought over 1/2 ham and some other leftovers. It all came together. Though it wasn't perfect, it was lovely and nice and wonderful. </p><p>Even Amy came, which was her first family function of mine that she has attended. It felt complete to have her there. It could be material for a whole separate blog post, but she was the recipient of John's foot flakes when he took off his sock to show his healing burned up foot. His skin flaked off and flew right at her face! Was a funny memory for sure. What a hazing! </p><p>Though it was only a two hour gathering, it was a very important two hours. We had our first family Christmas in 8 years, and hopefully it won't be our last. We can build from here. </p><p><br /></p>Asirekhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17491987532647770526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720837984861937374.post-58604361297807350612021-11-12T14:03:00.004-06:002021-11-15T18:22:31.464-06:00Meet Franklin<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Gnwk8vLPqH0/YY7AIJXLAEI/AAAAAAAAAuo/mcopn1tNIQA6qxKFoH_HBcp_fztREQbDwCNcBGAsYHQ/image.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="701" data-original-width="526" height="240" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Gnwk8vLPqH0/YY7AIJXLAEI/AAAAAAAAAuo/mcopn1tNIQA6qxKFoH_HBcp_fztREQbDwCNcBGAsYHQ/image.png" width="180" /></a></div><div><br /></div>Meet Franklin! Also known as Mr. Bojangles, Globetrotter, Mr. Long Legs, LL Bean (Long Legged Boyfriend), Frankly.<p></p><p>He is a dream come true. Found on Craig's list, Franklin is the answer to my prayers. For several months, we had been searching for our snowshoe siamese "Tino cat". Franklin is a snowshoe/ragdoll siamese mix and he couldn't be more perfect. He came with his name of Franklin, and it seemed to fit so it stuck. His litter was named after presidents, so he donned the name Franklin...as in Franklin Pierce (I didn't even know we had a president by that name.......).</p><p>Once Amy found him on Craig's list, I knew I had to arrange a way to get him. Immediately I contacted the person and arranged to meet in Minneapolis the following day. Amy had to work, so Dorie went along for the ride and was my cat snuggler on the way home. It was a fun, relaxing, and exciting day. </p><p>Franklin is a very independent and mellow little fellow. He arrived home and owned it. Confident and sure....just like Tino. I must admit, I was not head over heels in love right away, and dare I even admit I had a little bit of disappointment in coming to see that he was indeed NOT Tino. I found myself comparing Franklin to Tino both in physical appearance and in behavior. Internal reminders occurred daily to remind myself that he was his own little guy, that he was Franklin. In addition, I was also hoping that Franklin would fill up my heart that seemed to be void of love...both coming in and going out. And for the first few days/weeks, I came up empty.</p><p>Now that his little personality is developing so is our attachment and my obsession. He still likes to "suckle" and attempts to nurse on our chest, neck and arms even giving a hickey a time or two! He is playful, independent, and determined. A gentle long legged little man! He does not like to snuggle too much and prefers to sleep on his own...much to my dismay. I'm hoping that will change and I encourage him to sleep on my lap any chance I can get. After all, he has only been here a month or so and I can't expect us to have a deep bond in such a short time. </p><p>Franklin has elicited an awakening of my heart. I'm so curious to see who he becomes, who I become, and how our journey unfolds. For me, Tino is the epitome of Love while Franklin represents Hope for all the goodness that is to come! </p><p>Welcome Home, Fwankwin!!</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-bYJj2aW1vZY/YY7IfeudtmI/AAAAAAAAAu0/G8J02MMTFTgU6kRepzggcwVHBHLtvnRZgCNcBGAsYHQ/image.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="750" height="240" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-bYJj2aW1vZY/YY7IfeudtmI/AAAAAAAAAu0/G8J02MMTFTgU6kRepzggcwVHBHLtvnRZgCNcBGAsYHQ/image.png" width="240" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p>Asirekhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17491987532647770526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720837984861937374.post-73367685502060325862021-10-05T20:01:00.026-05:002021-10-06T08:28:37.594-05:00Tiny Monster<p> April of 2020 was a definite start of a very strange and scary adventure of sorts. It started with a weird rash that landed me at the doctor's office with a diagnosis of "chiggers". Chiggers are not known in these parts so it was a bit bizarre to hear. That followed with a very strange list of symptoms.</p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Severe bloat (I looked like I was 7 months pregnant...I'm not even exaggerating)</li><li>Indigestion...belchy</li><li>severe gag reflex, which was sometimes exercise induced, but was triggered by anything being near my mouth, or even the thought of it being near my mouth.</li><li>Anorexia (see above)</li><li>Nausea with sometimes productive vomit</li><li>intense heart palpitations that you could see through my clothing, and that I could feel throughout my entire body. </li><li>Intense anxiety unlike what I have ever experienced before. </li><li>Jittery, shakey, tingles in my hands</li><li>short of breath that led me unable to walk even down to the mailbox. Sometimes I struggled to even walk to the bathroom. </li><li>Hard to stand for long periods of time</li><li>Extreme fatigue that even prevented me from brushing my teeth. I had to lean on the counter to prop my arm up enough to be able to brush my teeth.</li><li>very dizzy</li><li>noise sensitivity</li><li>light headedness</li><li>an extreme headache that later lessened to just a dull headache</li><li>thirst</li><li>extreme coldness that I sought out the bathtub several times a day to remedy</li><li>extreme sweats mostly at night</li><li>a "loud" brain..."brain on fire". Paranoia</li><li>Stomach discomfort, gassy</li><li>exercise intolerance</li><li>all the color in my face drained away and I became grey </li><li>thinning hair</li><li>brain fog</li></ul><p></p></blockquote></blockquote><p> This list is not comprehensive. It is easy to write, but it was very difficult to experience. Despite having all these symptoms, I did not really believe I was sick. Amy kept telling me I was sick, and I just dismissed it all as being anxiety. Finally, after noticing the lack of normal stamina I had at work, I decided I needed to visit the doctor. He was certain I had a tick borne illness, but even then, I tried to convince my doctor that "I was just anxious". He ordered some blood tests (among several other tests: heart echo, CT, MRI, etc), and lo and behold, I had Lyme disease. Tears of happiness and hope fell with the relief to have a diagnosis that was "easily" treatable with antibiotics. </p><p>What I didn't know at the time was that I was about to embark upon a foreign journey of illness for a year and a half. Just now am I starting to feel more like my before Lyme self. Before I venture into my personal experience with Lyme, let me just take a moment to share what I came to learn about the disease itself. </p><p>Lyme disease is spread by a teeny tiny deer tick. The size of the head of a needle. The bacteria from deer tick gets into the bloodstream, but because it is a spirochete, it burrows into the muscles, fibers, and cells of the body. It is a relative of Syphilis, but Lyme is 3 times smarter than Syphilis. Often Lyme is called the "great imitator" because it takes on the symptoms of basically any illness. At one point, I was being checked out for ovarian cancer, and then later for MS. Because Lyme burrows in so deep, it can lay dormant until a moment of stress happens, then BAM! it shows up again. </p><p>The craziest thing I came to learn is that Lyme disease itself is not recognized by main stream medicine. Main Stream believes that Lyme can be treated and cured with a few weeks worth of antibiotics. What main stream does not believe, is that it stays in the system to make reappearances possibly forever. Since the CDC does not recognize it, to be treated for it requires a specialist that is not covered by insurances. I found a specialist who practices about an hour from me so I drove to her to get the help I so desperately needed. Seven months of crazy high doses of antibiotics (3200 mg daily) later, and I am hopeful for health once again. At one point, I was taking over 20 pills a day! Oh, and I was drinking volcanic ash to help detox. </p><p>I am going to try my best to capture my experience with this disease. All of those physical symptoms of this disease is nothing compared to the mental torture I experienced. I had two main bouts of Lyme disease. The first one, I was more physically ill. The headache I had was unlike anything I have experienced before or since. The pain was excruciating requiring me to use two ice packs, one on the back of my head, one of the front. I literally could feel the bacteria climbing the back of my neck into my brain. My first bout last almost two months. Three weeks of antibiotics later, I thought I was done with Lyme. </p><p>But I never felt completely better. My mental health suffered greatly. My relationship was affected immensely. Stress was at at all time high, and like I said, stress brings about a lyme flare up. Just before Christmas I had my second bout of Lyme. This time, it was more mentally debilitating. Best I can describe it is "I have rabies". My brain felt like what I would imagine a rabid dog to experience. Noise was very irritating, uncomfortable, and made me edgy. The disease settled in my nervous system. Infected my entire body, including my brain. My brain! Essentially I had a nervous breakdown. </p><p>Anxiety was ever present and thoughts were uncontrollable. I became paranoid. My thoughts were so uncharacteristic of myself that I questioned if I had to be locked up somewhere. I struggled to know what was real, still not completely accepting I was as sick as I was. It felt as though I had a completely foreign being overtaking my body, and I guess I kind of did! Several times, I felt as though who I was as a person was stuck somewhere deep inside the center of my stomach, and a dark force was acting on my behalf. There were times where I was uncontrollably sobbing on the living room floor. During these times, I felt like my soul was not present. Unreachable. I was trapped inside. </p><p>I sought out the help of the lyme specialist and got on another round of high dose antibiotics. There was an internal war going on in my body. Bacteria vs antibiotics. Both wanting to win desperately. Taking antibiotics for Lyme is like detoxing. One becomes sicker before they get better because the antibiotics are pulling the bacteria out from hiding in order to attack it. Another month and half of physical illness left me disheartened and hopeless for a healthy future. </p><p>Depression set it. Unable to use my main coping skill of exercise, depression and anxiety were overtaking me. Fast. I lost any motivation I had left. Panic attacks were present. I felt disconnected from myself. Disconnected from life. Disconnected from everything. "Lets get a dog!" I thought. And we did. Only that was not the brightest decision. More stress. More heartache when we ultimately decided to remedy that decision by rehoming the pup we fell in love with (see prior post). </p><p>Fast forward to today. One and a half years after my original lyme diagnosis, seven months of antibiotic use later, one trial of an antidepressant later, I am finally coming back from the depths of darkness. Self care, proper nutrition, and stress reduction are key to continue to battle any bacteria that may still be present. I'm hopeful that my lengthy and aggressive antibiotic treatment was enough to eradicate any and all of the illness. Time will tell. </p><p>I struggled to capture just how invasive this disease was for me, but I wanted to write this post so I can throw out my lyme disease folder of notes. Here is to leaving illness behind while moving forward in wellness! </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Asirekhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17491987532647770526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720837984861937374.post-86973716964900801152021-09-27T07:58:00.001-05:002021-10-05T20:02:17.832-05:00Jovie<p> Ever since I saw the movie Elf, I have always said that if I ever had a baby girl, I would name her Jovie after Buddy the Elf's girlfriend. Well, I can't have kids so a puppy was a pretty decent consolation prize. Naturally we named her Jovie. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-FGs0rTEBLAU/YU0EInB3vBI/AAAAAAAAAuE/JzuGyj03zkw74_sFBlgolEmJnl0NGjIBQCNcBGAsYHQ/image.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="701" data-original-width="526" height="240" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-FGs0rTEBLAU/YU0EInB3vBI/AAAAAAAAAuE/JzuGyj03zkw74_sFBlgolEmJnl0NGjIBQCNcBGAsYHQ/image.png" width="180" /></a></div><br />An adorable, cute, precocious, and smart little girl from Texas. The story about how we got her is a little comical now that it is all said and done, but experiencing it was a little anxiety inducing. I was in the midst of a Lyme flare-up and we thought this little Punkin would help me get through some of my toughest days. We got her in the middle of a frigid Northland double-digit below zero cold snap. At midnight. In a dark parking lot on the side of the road. From a transport van. Since we had not seen her in person, we had a lot of trepidation on what would be handed to us, especially since the first dog off the van was a three legged german shepherd. Perhaps that was an omen.<p></p><p>Jovie was handed to me wrapped in a blanket of piss pads since her kennel mate had shit all over the kennel leaving Jovie covered in poop. But she was perfect and I fell in love almost instantly. I had my baby girl named Jovie. </p><p>The first few days were challenging, as it is with any new baby. I loved it. Waking up in the wee hours of the night to bring a tiny puppy outside in the coldest of colds filled my heart. Like no joke. I embraced it, cherished it, and felt like I had a real baby for a while. Though caring for Jovie was filling my heart, it was affecting my health. My sleep was impacted, my mental health was impacted, and Jovie seemed to be growing right before our very eyes. </p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-BE0ap5ib0ns/YU0IjaFfvRI/AAAAAAAAAuM/zW_wEmoZLxwDodG8kY4L5tpKn8zr2sGVACNcBGAsYHQ/image.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="701" data-original-width="526" height="240" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-BE0ap5ib0ns/YU0IjaFfvRI/AAAAAAAAAuM/zW_wEmoZLxwDodG8kY4L5tpKn8zr2sGVACNcBGAsYHQ/image.png" width="180" /></a></div><br />Everyday we would wake up, and Jovie was bigger, taller, smarter. We were very up front and adamant that we were interested in a small to medium size dog....20-30 lbs max. Well, by 2 months old, Jovie was closer to 40 lbs than she was to 30. At 2 months old, we were struggling to take her for walks for her sheer size and power. <p></p><div>In addition to her size, she just really wanted to be with other dogs; she loved other dogs so much! For a brief while, we considered getting a second dog just to make this first one happy, but we really did not want a second dog. In fact, we were having doubts about this one. Jovie's eyes just did not seem happy. I would look into her eyes and see that she wanted more activity and stimulation. Poor Jovie ended up with two old ladies looking for a lap dog, and she was an active spirit. She was super smart and would have made a perfect police dog as she just cherished the times when we would do obedience training with her. </div><div><br /></div><div>Oh, and did I mention she bit me? She was a mouthy, nippy puppy and seemed to have an underlying aggressive streak. We became fearful to discipline her as she would challenge us. Once we got her DNA results of half pit bull followed second by German Shepherd, our fears multiplied. All those Judge Judy court cases about pit bulls did not sit well with either one of us, and we realized that having this dog was a huge liability. Dreams of walking her off leash were crushed. Dreams of having my baby girl were also diminishing as we were questioning if we could safely keep her, control her, and she just didn't seem happy.</div><div><br /></div><div>After much heartache we ultimately decided that Jovie was not the best match for us. Deciding to rehome Jovie was a very difficult and emotional decision, but was ultimately the right one. She is now in the most perfect home for her with a canine sibling, horses, and a very active young couple. </div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-nSRo0plQUIo/YVG75o69q3I/AAAAAAAAAuU/YMjQHwrKryQRZqVEQawKg4WZucJtH8CLgCNcBGAsYHQ/image.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="1795" data-original-width="1440" height="240" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-nSRo0plQUIo/YVG75o69q3I/AAAAAAAAAuU/YMjQHwrKryQRZqVEQawKg4WZucJtH8CLgCNcBGAsYHQ/image.png" width="193" /></a></div>We get updates on her frequently and I even got to meet up with them. Seeing her again after several months put a bit of closure on the whole ordeal for me, and left me with no regrets. She is living her best life, is very loved, and seems happy.</div><div><br /></div><div>So many lessons to be had from this brief encounter with a spunky pup. First, I have always judged people who have rehomed their pets. I thought it was deplorable to do so, but now I see that there are circumstances that make rehoming necessary. Who am I to judge someone else's circumstances? I had to work through a lot of guilt and shame over making the decision to rehome Jovie, but it is a decision I have no doubt in my head was the right one to make. Second, Jovie reminded me that animals, and people, have an innate way of being that is something that cannot be trained out of them. I wear a scar on my chin and a scar on my wrist from Jovie as a daily reminder of this lesson. And Third, in the future if a pup is to come into our home, we will meet her first. Get a feel for the personality. Make the connection with the eyes. Feel the energy. </div><div><br /></div><div> I am very grateful for the time we had with Jovie, though, I am happy to not have the responsibility of having a dog. Still, my need for a baby is still strong so we are in the market for another snowshoe siamese kitten. Perhaps a dog will be in our future yet, but that journey will be handled with a little more wisdom.<br /><br /></div>Asirekhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17491987532647770526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1720837984861937374.post-13447980972221022552021-08-28T20:11:00.006-05:002021-08-28T20:32:49.743-05:00Flowing<p> If you know me, you probably know that I don't always flow too well. Routine, schedules, and accomplishing tasks are my mission. Allowing the day to just happen spontaneously, especially where work is concerned, is a bit of a challenge sometimes. I go into most days with expectations of how I would like to see the day go: with a clear cut plan. It gives me a sense of control and predictability. </p><p>This past week, I have found myself "flowing" more. A planned bike ride date did not go as planned. But the alternative was so much better than the original idea! When the agenda changed, the result was adventuring on never before seen roads followed by a stunning trail ride. Stone bridges, frogs and crawfish, rocks, clear water, and a shaded canopy on a very hot day was our reward. Alongside us the entire time, flowed a beautiful, babbling brook. A perfect reminder to go with the flow. </p><p>Another flowing moment this past week involved a party I was super anxious to attend. One that I had initially declined to attend at all. But the day of the party arrived, and I decided to baby-step it. Step one: "Yes, I will drive you to the party, but I am going to drop you off at the end of the driveway and come back home". Step two: "I am committed to going to the party just to say Happy Birthday, then I am going back home". Step three: "I will stay for 1/2 hour, but probably not any longer than that". Step four: All in! Turned out to be a super fun time including meeting new people, laughing, and dancing around a fire. Breaking out of my comfort zone empowered me by challenging old, avoidant habits. Sounds kind of silly, but I was proud of myself for allowing the day to unfold naturally. All I had to do was show up and it just kind of took care of itself. </p><p>Today at work, I flowed some more. Leading/teaching several groups throughout the day sometimes causes me anxiety. As a way to curb that anxiety, I like to go in to each group session with a clear cut plan. Or two. Its wise to have a Plan A and a Plan B so that if one is not going well, the other can be the savior. Sometimes, I have even rehearsed what I want to say or how I want the group to go. Today, I did none of that. After having been off for a while and not knowing the kids too well, I decided to just see what happens. No plan A, no plan B. In fact, I had no plans at all. And guess what? All was just fine. Fun even. Sometimes the greatest lessons happen during those unplanned moments where conversations and experiences happen naturally. Both for the kids, and for myself. Yes, flowing. </p><p>One more example is this here post. I didn't really want to blog tonight because the topics I have planned out are either not inspiring for me or require a bit too much brain power that I don't have access to at the moment. So, I just started to write and here I am flowing again. I have even had to suspend my own judgement on my writing and on my posts so that I am able to flow once again. Tonight, I am writing, flowing, and seeing what happens. </p><p>Don't get me wrong, there is a time and a place for planning. Though, when I remember to just let life happen, it feels good, and good things seem to happen. It isn't always perfect nor do I expect it to be. Within the imperfect parts of life there exists a beauty that would otherwise go unseen, adventures that would otherwise go un-experienced, and lessons that would otherwise go unlearned. </p><p>For now, I shall relish in the contentment that comes with allowing life to unfold on its own terms. </p><p>Peace. </p><p> </p><p><br /></p>Asirekhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17491987532647770526noreply@blogger.com0