November of 2024, I turned that big number we all think is unattainable, or far too ancient, when we are wee little ones. But alas, the Big 5-0 has found me. I made it I guess one could say. Turning 50 had me reflecting on my life up until now, though now that I am in front of a computer, the words I once had in my head have since faded; trying to retrieve them is proving quite difficult. Possibly a symptom of that age.
So what did turning a half century look like for me? It's different for everyone of course. For me, 50 came in quietly yet profoundly. For starters, I worked on my actual Birthday. Work that day just happened to be a day that I co-facilitate a grief support group. One of the ladies in group caught wind of my milestone Birthday and made it special by bringing in some brownies complete with candles and whipped cream.
On the home front, my lovely lady ensured that I felt loved and special. She encouraged a Birthday Bash, but that just isn't my cup of tea, so we celebrated more quietly.
This photo shows sticky notes that have 50 accomplishments I have achieved written on them. Amy hid all 50 of these throughout the house for me to find as I go about my day-to-day business at home. Three are have yet to be found still two months later.
Then, because we both like to stay home, we did a YouTube painting experience.
Mine is on the right, hers is on the left. Bob Ross makes it looks to easy, but working with acrylic paints is not such an easy task. This was more about the process and the experience of creating rather than the finished result. A beautiful reminder for year 50 and beyond. It's all about the journey, not necessarily the destination. And my partner on this journey with me is the best one a human could find.
Also on my half a century milestone, I bought myself a brand-new car! Never have I ever been able to do that before and my 50th year was as good a time as any. My car is still being built and I should have it in about a month or so, but this stock picture is what my car should look like. I splurged and got a lot of bells and whistles like a heated steering wheel and heated seats simply because I could. You could say that my dad actually bought this car for me since I am using his money posthumously for this purpose.
Fifty also got me out on ice skates.
I do have osteoporosis so doing things that could easily lead to fractures are a little unnerving. Luckily I had the assist of a folding chair to help keep my balance while I skated around, though I did take one unassisted lap around our frozen lake. I've been on skates before, but not for many many many years, and possibly not for many many more years. My itch has been scratched.
Fifty also ushered in a new era for me which is the era of being an orphan. My dad died just two months prior to my Birthday, and of course my mom has been gone for just over 11 years now. Being an orphan is a mixed bag of emotions. On one hand, its really freeing not to have to worry about my aging parents for I know how that story ends. It has ended. On the other hand, it is a bit lonely not having my two pillars of strength to lean on when I may need it. Even in my dad's weakened state, he provided me a lot of strength during some of my toughest moments. There is no love like the love of parents which is truly unconditional and ever present.
Working in hospice, and watching my family drop off one by one sure has me thinking about my own life history, my future, and my end of life. As my lady, Amy, reminded me with those sticky notes, I have accomplished a lot in my lifetime: things like being a good human, being respectful to my fellow man, striving to be the best daughter, sister, niece, aunt, fur mom, friend, and partner that I can possibly be, among so much more. None of that is perfect nor will it ever be.
Entering the next 50 years of my life, I want to continue caring for myself in ways that fill up my spirit so that I can continue to care for those around me, for that is what truly gives me purpose. Even at 50, I still have teenage-like mental health breakdowns that cause me, and those around me, great discomfort. This is unnecessary. The intensity can be remedied by basic self care on a consistent basis, and it is up to only me to ensure the quality of my next 50(?) years is what I want it to be.
Hard time are unavoidable and naturally a part of living. But overall, up to this point, my life has been beautiful, comfortable, and filled with so many simple moments of joy. I have always lived a simple life, and a simple life I hope to always live.
Cheers to the next 50 years!
