Oh, its been quite the while since I last blogged; and wow, things have changed so much! For someone whose life has been stagnant, predictable, maybe even boring, I am amazed at the direction my life has taken. Its taken a direction I NEVER thought it would go. And with that cliff hanger, I am not going to address all those changes with this post.
Instead I am going to introduce you to Brutus.
Brutus is a very large, looming, black cloud of anxiety that surrounds me. Brutus has always been a presence in my life, but he has made himself so much more present particularly after my mom died. April of 2014, Brutus almost won. Panic attacks, insomnia, constant fear, shakiness, and tears. Oh the tears. It was a scary time that prompted me to go to the doctor and give consideration to.....dun dun dun....medication. Something that I so did not want to do.
Even though I work in Mental Health, have seen the benefits of anti anxiety and anti depressant medications (as well as the harm), it is not something I wanted for me. But I got the medicine filled and sat it in my cupboard as a way to de-sensitize myself to maybe taking them one day. I never did.
Instead, I began to practice mindfulness. That coupled with some great "friend-therapy" sessions and support, helped ease my anxiety somewhat. It eased it enough to begin to function again. Tears lessened. Impending doom lessened. But Brutus still remained.
And he remains still. Some days, Brutus is so over powering that he hijacks my thoughts. Though I KNOW the thoughts are so irrational, the thoughts still come. Mindfulness tells you to recognize those thoughts, and then let them go. Brutus holds on with a death grip. He doesn't just hold on to one negative thought, he holds on to several. All negative, most are fear based, and many are self loathing. Some days Brutus is able to convince me that I am worthless, that I can't do my job well, that I am a burden to those who know me. He tells me that there is nothing but negativity ahead in my life. All the "what ifs" come to play with the outcome never pleasing.
When Brutus takes full control, I get "stuck" so much so that I can't even talk about why I am anxious. Brutus tells me "It doesn't matter why you feel like this because you don't matter". Brutus tells me that I am "stupid" and "crazy" for feeling this way. And I really hate feeling that way and begin to think that maybe Brutus is right. When Brutus is here, it is exhausting to say the least. Its tiring to constantly battle Brutus; a CONSTANT rational vs irrational internal fight that can be triggered by one word in one sentence that Brutus holds onto.
Brutus has made himself a little more scarce these past few days, and it is so nice without him! My mind is more at peace. Freer. Brutus continues to whisper negative thoughts, but they are more manageable and less tiresome. I'm not entirely sure what happened, and maybe I am just in a better head space that is not allowing Brutus to be overpowering, but I will take it.
Right now, I am able to push Brutus down when he tries to creep up. The "What-ifs" are met with "What will be, will be" or "we will deal with that when/if it happens". And I remember to TRUST. Trust that where I am is where I am supposed to be. Remember my blessings (and they are so plentiful). Remember to choose love over fear (something I struggle oh so hard to do).
So for now, I will continue breathing and continue trusting.
Showing posts with label Out of Control. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Out of Control. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
Saturday, September 17, 2011
My Little Secret
I now know why Superman wears his underwear on the outside of his clothing:
He swaggers down the street with a calm confidence. He is definitely "all that and a bag of chips". His shit certainly does not stink. And nobody is gonna mess with a dude like that.
I get it now. I really get it.
One of the best things I did on my vacation was to purchase new underwear. I cannot stop talking about my undies. I'm telling coworkers, men and women alike, all about how I have robots on my butt. They are so fun and, like I do with most new things, I have now become obsessed with my panties.
I get out of bed in the morning with a bit of excitement for picking out a new pair of underwear to put on for the day. As I slide them on, I peek in the mirror, say "oh yeah", and give my booty a love tap! Oh, my God, I cannot believe I am blogging about my underwear.........times are slow for blogging topics I guess.
Still, my undies are on my mind all day long. I choose my panty of choice based on my activity of the day. For example, my favorite pair of underwear are grey with pink robots all over them. I mindfully chose not to wear them to work one day in case I had to work on another floor. I did not want to "waste" them on people I don't care about. So I saved them for a day I was certain I would be working with my usual coworkers. Does this sound a bit messed up to you?
Nobody sees them. Or at least, they are not supposed to see them. But that day I forced at least two coworkers to take a peek at my robot undies. And last night at a bonfire, I showed the whole crowd (only they weren't the robot ones this time). I was sober mind you.
Yes, this may seem all a little too obsessive and extreme, but wearing my novelty panties makes me feel happy. I, too, walk with a little more confidence (I admit my shit does indeed stink, and I don't believe I come with a bag of chips....) all because of the simple pleasure of my little secret under my pants.
OK, that sounded dirty.... ;)
I get it now. I really get it.
One of the best things I did on my vacation was to purchase new underwear. I cannot stop talking about my undies. I'm telling coworkers, men and women alike, all about how I have robots on my butt. They are so fun and, like I do with most new things, I have now become obsessed with my panties.
I get out of bed in the morning with a bit of excitement for picking out a new pair of underwear to put on for the day. As I slide them on, I peek in the mirror, say "oh yeah", and give my booty a love tap! Oh, my God, I cannot believe I am blogging about my underwear.........times are slow for blogging topics I guess.
Still, my undies are on my mind all day long. I choose my panty of choice based on my activity of the day. For example, my favorite pair of underwear are grey with pink robots all over them. I mindfully chose not to wear them to work one day in case I had to work on another floor. I did not want to "waste" them on people I don't care about. So I saved them for a day I was certain I would be working with my usual coworkers. Does this sound a bit messed up to you?
Nobody sees them. Or at least, they are not supposed to see them. But that day I forced at least two coworkers to take a peek at my robot undies. And last night at a bonfire, I showed the whole crowd (only they weren't the robot ones this time). I was sober mind you.
Yes, this may seem all a little too obsessive and extreme, but wearing my novelty panties makes me feel happy. I, too, walk with a little more confidence (I admit my shit does indeed stink, and I don't believe I come with a bag of chips....) all because of the simple pleasure of my little secret under my pants.
OK, that sounded dirty.... ;)
Friday, February 25, 2011
Just Because Its There
There are many different food items that I have banned myself from having in my house. Those are the food items I will eat and eat and eat until they are gone. Two days ago, I found a new self banned food. Fruit snacks. The generic Wal-Mart brand Smiles fruit snacks that is really just a ball of high fructose corn syrup. They come in a box of 24 count. This morning, after just consuming 4 of them for breakfast, I now have 3 left. I'm no mathematician, but I believe that means I ate 21, yes 21, snack size bags of smileys in about 24 hours. Hence, they are now banned. I have no control over them.
In addition to those fruit snacks, I have decided to put together a list of my self banned food items for that very reason. Not in any particular order:
1. Aforementioned Fruit snacks.
2. Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal (that doesn't stand a chance).
3. Lucky Charms (OK, most sugary cereals are banned, but these two are tops).
4. Chocolate of any kind (only an unopened bag of chocolate chips is safe, and at that, its barely hanging on).
5. Any kind of Halloween Candy except those orange and black peanut butter kiss things. Those things are just gross and is the only candy that could survive longer than a year with me.
6. Little Debbie Snacks
7. Girl Scout Cookies (mostly Samoas)
8. Cadbury Creme Eggs
9. Cadbury Eggs (not the creme kind, but the delicious chocolate kind).
10. Mini Robin's Eggs (ya know, the malted milk ball kind...YUM!).
11. Cherry licorice Nibs.
12. Peanut M & M's
13. Oreos
14. Carmel Corn
15. And the biggest Banned Food Item........Dun Dun Dun......Ice Cream (though I have learned how to have it in the freezer for longer than a day. Give it a week tops).
Now I am sure that list could go on and on and on, but I think you get the idea. I'm also certain there are big ones I neglected to put on the list. Grapes could have made that list because I eat them uncontrollably too, but since they are fruit, and kind of healthy, they are not banned.
Tums could have made the list as well. Not because I need to eat them for indigestion (though you would think I would need them), but because I once ate them uncontrollably while at work. Someone had a bottle of Tums, and I would eat one or two whenever I walked by the bottle. I think I ate probably 12 Tums in one night. No lie. Just because they were there.
In addition to those fruit snacks, I have decided to put together a list of my self banned food items for that very reason. Not in any particular order:
1. Aforementioned Fruit snacks.
2. Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal (that doesn't stand a chance).
3. Lucky Charms (OK, most sugary cereals are banned, but these two are tops).
4. Chocolate of any kind (only an unopened bag of chocolate chips is safe, and at that, its barely hanging on).
5. Any kind of Halloween Candy except those orange and black peanut butter kiss things. Those things are just gross and is the only candy that could survive longer than a year with me.
6. Little Debbie Snacks
7. Girl Scout Cookies (mostly Samoas)
8. Cadbury Creme Eggs
9. Cadbury Eggs (not the creme kind, but the delicious chocolate kind).
10. Mini Robin's Eggs (ya know, the malted milk ball kind...YUM!).
11. Cherry licorice Nibs.
12. Peanut M & M's
13. Oreos
14. Carmel Corn
15. And the biggest Banned Food Item........Dun Dun Dun......Ice Cream (though I have learned how to have it in the freezer for longer than a day. Give it a week tops).
Now I am sure that list could go on and on and on, but I think you get the idea. I'm also certain there are big ones I neglected to put on the list. Grapes could have made that list because I eat them uncontrollably too, but since they are fruit, and kind of healthy, they are not banned.
Tums could have made the list as well. Not because I need to eat them for indigestion (though you would think I would need them), but because I once ate them uncontrollably while at work. Someone had a bottle of Tums, and I would eat one or two whenever I walked by the bottle. I think I ate probably 12 Tums in one night. No lie. Just because they were there.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Hide-n-Seek
Halloween is one of my very favorite times of year. Fond memories of sorting out my trick or treat candy into organized piles return to me each October 31st. I counted each stack of Peanut Butter Cups, Milky Ways, and Snickers with the latter two always vying for first place for having the most quantity. After sorting, counting, and eating the treats, I would have to find a seemingly safe hiding place so my brother's didn't get their dirty hands on my hard earned candy.
These days, I now have to find a seemingly safe hiding place so I don't get my dirty hands on my not so hard earned candy.
As a person who is always prepared way too far in advance, I like to have my Halloween candy purchased long before the Big Day. My problem is that all of the candy is often eaten before it even has a chance to be tossed into Elmo's pumpkin bucket.
One year I resorted to keeping the candy in the trunk of my car in hopes that "out of sight, out of mind" might take effect. That works with some things, but not with chocolate. I took many a trip out to my vehicle to retrieve the devious candy calling my name from the darkness of my trunk.
Another tactic was to buy candy I don't much care to eat. The problem I encountered with that trick was that "desperate times call for desperate measures" took effect. If there is a candy craving, I will eat whatever I can get my teeth into. Even if I don't love it. Who am I kidding, though? I like All candy.
I guess I just have to wait until closer to Halloween before buying any candy even though it is causing me a bit of anxiety not to be prepared. It just doesn't work so well when the seeker of the candy is also the hider of the candy. Especially when the seeker is ravenously addicted to chocolate.
These days, I now have to find a seemingly safe hiding place so I don't get my dirty hands on my not so hard earned candy.
As a person who is always prepared way too far in advance, I like to have my Halloween candy purchased long before the Big Day. My problem is that all of the candy is often eaten before it even has a chance to be tossed into Elmo's pumpkin bucket.
One year I resorted to keeping the candy in the trunk of my car in hopes that "out of sight, out of mind" might take effect. That works with some things, but not with chocolate. I took many a trip out to my vehicle to retrieve the devious candy calling my name from the darkness of my trunk.
Another tactic was to buy candy I don't much care to eat. The problem I encountered with that trick was that "desperate times call for desperate measures" took effect. If there is a candy craving, I will eat whatever I can get my teeth into. Even if I don't love it. Who am I kidding, though? I like All candy.
I guess I just have to wait until closer to Halloween before buying any candy even though it is causing me a bit of anxiety not to be prepared. It just doesn't work so well when the seeker of the candy is also the hider of the candy. Especially when the seeker is ravenously addicted to chocolate.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Mouth Orgasm
Today I called in sick to work. Not because I'm sick; Just because I'm sick of work. Its a beautiful day outside and I thought I'd make some effort to do something productive today that I wouldn't do otherwise. So I went grocery shopping. . .(and apparentely blogging) for the essentials. You know, cereal, milk and fruit. Lots of fruit. Cereal and fruit are my two main food staples.
While walking down the cereal aisle, I noticed really good prices on my two favorite, though banned, cereals. They are banned because, if allowed in my home, their entire contents would be devoured in one very short day. Since I eat a lot of cereal, I try to make those healthier alternatives and attempt to get some nutrition out of my bowl of deliciousness. Very seldom do I get the sugary, "kid" cereals.
As I stared at the $1.99 Lucky Charms and the $2.88 Cinnamon Toast Crunch staring back at me, I crumbled. Weakness overcame my body. My hand reached for that box of Lucky Charms only to be interrupted by my brain resulting in immediate recoil. My eyes darted from Lucky Charms to Cinnamon Toast Crunch and back to Lucky Charms again. My heart was palpitating and I felt like Meryl Streep in Sophie's Choice because I refused to purchase BOTH boxes of cereal. I have never seen Sophie's Choice, but from what I have heard, that is how I felt. Only ONE box of cereal would be allowed.
Since I can sample (uh, steal) Lucky Charms at work from time to time and since there was a red blinking thing-a-ma-bob in store coupon on Cinnamon Toast Crunch, my hand went for the swirly box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. It helped that the provided coupon stated it was for .75 off (hey, there is no "cents" key on the keyboard! WTF!) on the purchase of Cinnamon Toast Crunch AND a Fiber One cereal. That way, buying the Fiber One Cereal totally offset the Cinnamon Toast Crunch. A healthy cereal for a sugary one. Perfect.
Now that I am home, I must set some ground rules for having a banned cereal reside in my cupboard. I cannot eat it for breakfast, but rather only for an evening snack. Same as having a cookie. I cannot eat more than one bowl at a time....or in a day. Sadly that rule is already broken and the box has not even been in my house for more than an hour. Its a sad state of affairs.
Eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch results in one serious mouth orgasm. How can a person resist that?
While walking down the cereal aisle, I noticed really good prices on my two favorite, though banned, cereals. They are banned because, if allowed in my home, their entire contents would be devoured in one very short day. Since I eat a lot of cereal, I try to make those healthier alternatives and attempt to get some nutrition out of my bowl of deliciousness. Very seldom do I get the sugary, "kid" cereals.
As I stared at the $1.99 Lucky Charms and the $2.88 Cinnamon Toast Crunch staring back at me, I crumbled. Weakness overcame my body. My hand reached for that box of Lucky Charms only to be interrupted by my brain resulting in immediate recoil. My eyes darted from Lucky Charms to Cinnamon Toast Crunch and back to Lucky Charms again. My heart was palpitating and I felt like Meryl Streep in Sophie's Choice because I refused to purchase BOTH boxes of cereal. I have never seen Sophie's Choice, but from what I have heard, that is how I felt. Only ONE box of cereal would be allowed.
Since I can sample (uh, steal) Lucky Charms at work from time to time and since there was a red blinking thing-a-ma-bob in store coupon on Cinnamon Toast Crunch, my hand went for the swirly box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. It helped that the provided coupon stated it was for .75 off (hey, there is no "cents" key on the keyboard! WTF!) on the purchase of Cinnamon Toast Crunch AND a Fiber One cereal. That way, buying the Fiber One Cereal totally offset the Cinnamon Toast Crunch. A healthy cereal for a sugary one. Perfect.
Now that I am home, I must set some ground rules for having a banned cereal reside in my cupboard. I cannot eat it for breakfast, but rather only for an evening snack. Same as having a cookie. I cannot eat more than one bowl at a time....or in a day. Sadly that rule is already broken and the box has not even been in my house for more than an hour. Its a sad state of affairs.
Eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch results in one serious mouth orgasm. How can a person resist that?
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Matters of the Morning
Normally, I am an early riser in the mornings. A morning person through and through. When the birds start singing at 4:00 AM, I smile. Sure, I go back to sleep, but I do smile. Then I usually wake up around 7ish to start the day at full throttle. It is not uncommon for me to have laundry done, bathroom cleaned and dishes washed all before 8:00 AM. Sometimes I even manage to get in a hike or a roller blade fairly early as well. All of this accomplished sans coffee by the way.
Lately, though, getting out of bed has been a challenge. The past few days, I have stayed in bed until 8:30 or longer, and one day I was awakened by the phone at 9:20! I hate those days and feel like I have wasted a good portion of the day before it has even begun. Its been so hard to roll myself out of my comfy bed and I don't know how in the world I am going to drag my fat butt out of bed tomorrow at 5:42 for work. It will be a challenge. Going to bed early does not seem to help matters of the morning. At least now I have some milk in the house, which means I get to eat cereal tomorrow morning, which means that will be my motivation to slowly rise from my slumber.
Once I am out of my bed, its easy. The thought of emerging from the depths of my cat covered blankies is painful and energy sucking. But where there is cereal, I can, and will, prevail. Tomorrow morning, here I come!
Lately, though, getting out of bed has been a challenge. The past few days, I have stayed in bed until 8:30 or longer, and one day I was awakened by the phone at 9:20! I hate those days and feel like I have wasted a good portion of the day before it has even begun. Its been so hard to roll myself out of my comfy bed and I don't know how in the world I am going to drag my fat butt out of bed tomorrow at 5:42 for work. It will be a challenge. Going to bed early does not seem to help matters of the morning. At least now I have some milk in the house, which means I get to eat cereal tomorrow morning, which means that will be my motivation to slowly rise from my slumber.
Once I am out of my bed, its easy. The thought of emerging from the depths of my cat covered blankies is painful and energy sucking. But where there is cereal, I can, and will, prevail. Tomorrow morning, here I come!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Happy Taste Buds
Since Summer is upon us early here in the "Northland", I thought I'd take a brief moment and give pause to one of my favorite things. Ice Cream. It is also mentioned in the title of my blog so it is about time I pay homage to my title. I have already paid homage to the cats of my world, but now its time to shine some light on the greatest of God's creations (cue the Godly Aaaahhhhhhh).
It is such a chore to even know where to begin so I'll just dig right in much as I would dig in if I had a gallon of ice cream in my freezer. Ice cream is not allowed at my house because it wouldn't last but a day at most so all the commercial ice creams are exempt from this blog entry, though they very well could make an appearance at a later date.
I am not one to stray from my favorites. I stick to the tried and true. If I went out to eat at any given restaurant, I pretty much know what I am going to order before I even enter the door. So the following are my favorite "tried and true" local ice cream treats.
Folks in these here parts generally rave about a local ice cream shoppe called Portland Malt Shoppe. Though, I have sampled their ice cream, they are not my preferred place to go get an ice cream fix. What makes it very convenient is that you can go for a walk on the Lakewalk and reward yourself with an ice cream cone for the walk back.
When in need of a quick ice cream fix, I of course head to the DQ. Not by coincidence, I happen to live only a few blocks to the nearest Dairy Queen. The one by my house is kind of chintzy on their serving portions, though, and if I need to feel like I got my money's worth, I will drive a bit further. Plus my DQ is only open for the summer season. In other words, its not a "Cool Treats/Hot Eats" DQ; just simply a "Cool Treats" DQ.
At the DQ, I do venture out of my comfort zone from time to time and will order a variety of treats. One can never go wrong with a Cherry Dip Cone, but when Ice Cream is involved, I needs me some chocolate too. The Mudslide and Peanut Buster Parfait are classics, but my old standby is the Chocolate Covered Cherry Blizzard! YUMMY! Oh, and have you ever had any DQ treats with cocoa fudge? What a sensation.
One can hardly go wrong ordering at the Cold Stone Creamery. We have been lucky to get not only one, but two Cold Stones in our city. Cold Stone isn't my very favorite ice cream in the world, but it does have its place. The ice cream is very creamy, ooey, gooey, and RICH. A little bit goes a long way. I have tried almost every single creation made by Cold Stone with the exception of the coffee flavored treats. My favorite is my own creation whereby I take the Founder's Favorite creation, take out the caramel, and add in raspberries. Nothing is more decadent. Plus its fun having the option of having a waffle bowl or cone!
But when I want my entire Ice Cream hunger satisfied, I head to good ol' Bridgemans. In staying loyal to my yummy raspberry/chocolate pattern, I ALWAYS get the Hot Fudge Raspberry Torte ice cream sundae! That is to die for. Ice Cream lover's size is only $1.00 more and all the calories are completely worth it.
It would be sacrilegious to blog about all this ice cream and not go out for a sample of at least one of these sinful creations. Looking forward to having happy taste buds later on today!
It is such a chore to even know where to begin so I'll just dig right in much as I would dig in if I had a gallon of ice cream in my freezer. Ice cream is not allowed at my house because it wouldn't last but a day at most so all the commercial ice creams are exempt from this blog entry, though they very well could make an appearance at a later date.
I am not one to stray from my favorites. I stick to the tried and true. If I went out to eat at any given restaurant, I pretty much know what I am going to order before I even enter the door. So the following are my favorite "tried and true" local ice cream treats.
Folks in these here parts generally rave about a local ice cream shoppe called Portland Malt Shoppe. Though, I have sampled their ice cream, they are not my preferred place to go get an ice cream fix. What makes it very convenient is that you can go for a walk on the Lakewalk and reward yourself with an ice cream cone for the walk back.
When in need of a quick ice cream fix, I of course head to the DQ. Not by coincidence, I happen to live only a few blocks to the nearest Dairy Queen. The one by my house is kind of chintzy on their serving portions, though, and if I need to feel like I got my money's worth, I will drive a bit further. Plus my DQ is only open for the summer season. In other words, its not a "Cool Treats/Hot Eats" DQ; just simply a "Cool Treats" DQ.
At the DQ, I do venture out of my comfort zone from time to time and will order a variety of treats. One can never go wrong with a Cherry Dip Cone, but when Ice Cream is involved, I needs me some chocolate too. The Mudslide and Peanut Buster Parfait are classics, but my old standby is the Chocolate Covered Cherry Blizzard! YUMMY! Oh, and have you ever had any DQ treats with cocoa fudge? What a sensation.
One can hardly go wrong ordering at the Cold Stone Creamery. We have been lucky to get not only one, but two Cold Stones in our city. Cold Stone isn't my very favorite ice cream in the world, but it does have its place. The ice cream is very creamy, ooey, gooey, and RICH. A little bit goes a long way. I have tried almost every single creation made by Cold Stone with the exception of the coffee flavored treats. My favorite is my own creation whereby I take the Founder's Favorite creation, take out the caramel, and add in raspberries. Nothing is more decadent. Plus its fun having the option of having a waffle bowl or cone!
But when I want my entire Ice Cream hunger satisfied, I head to good ol' Bridgemans. In staying loyal to my yummy raspberry/chocolate pattern, I ALWAYS get the Hot Fudge Raspberry Torte ice cream sundae! That is to die for. Ice Cream lover's size is only $1.00 more and all the calories are completely worth it.
It would be sacrilegious to blog about all this ice cream and not go out for a sample of at least one of these sinful creations. Looking forward to having happy taste buds later on today!
Monday, April 19, 2010
Failed Tomorrows
Every single day for me is yet another failed tomorrow. Each night when I go to bed, I tell myself my goal for the next day. It all started with that eye opening photograph of myself. After I saw those pictures, I was amazed that I didn't even look like myself. My face was filled out. My hips and tummy were wide. My butt gigantic. Sounds self defeating, but it was very weird to see those pictures and not even recognize the image I saw in the photo. I needed to do something and I would start.....tomorrow. "Tomorrow I will eat better. Tomorrow I will start to exercise more. Tomorrow....." For me, tomorrow never comes. Last night I had a grand plan. One I won't go into boring details here, but it was going to work alright. This time, this plan would be fool proof. But I have proved to be the fool once again.
I actually did very good until about 1:00 this afternoon. My self control was first tested when a coworker brought cookies to work. Oh, I did have one, but only one. I consciously decided I didn't like it very much and had no desire for a second, third or fourth. It was tested a second time when another coworker brought a box of chocolates to work. My goal was to not eat one. They sat staring at me, calling my name. I resisted and then proceeded to pat myself on the back.
Then I caved when a coworker offered me a scone at the end of a very hectic, unenjoyable day. The little thought went through my head, "don't do it.....don't do it..." But I did. I don't even like scones!! It was a HUGE scone at that. . . and I ate the whole thing. Its not all bad, though, because I did show SOME restraint in choosing the raspberry scone over the chocolate chip scone.
People talk about "mindful eating"; I even sat in on an hour long class on mindful eating once a month for several months. It is something I actually practice; though you wouldn't know it. For Example when that scone was offered to me, I mindfully said, "no, you don't even like scones. You don't need the scone. You just finished lunch and you're not even hungry". I took the scone anyway. Not only did I take it, but I ravenously ate the whole damn thing. With each bite, I mindfully told myself "This is not that tasty. Its a challenge to eat because you are so full. Don't eat anymore". Yet I continued to mindfully eat the rest of that scone. Ugh.
Tomorrow I'd like to try again. One of these days my tomorrow may actually happen.
I did accomplish one goal today, though, I never did eat a piece of that chocolate.
I actually did very good until about 1:00 this afternoon. My self control was first tested when a coworker brought cookies to work. Oh, I did have one, but only one. I consciously decided I didn't like it very much and had no desire for a second, third or fourth. It was tested a second time when another coworker brought a box of chocolates to work. My goal was to not eat one. They sat staring at me, calling my name. I resisted and then proceeded to pat myself on the back.
Then I caved when a coworker offered me a scone at the end of a very hectic, unenjoyable day. The little thought went through my head, "don't do it.....don't do it..." But I did. I don't even like scones!! It was a HUGE scone at that. . . and I ate the whole thing. Its not all bad, though, because I did show SOME restraint in choosing the raspberry scone over the chocolate chip scone.
People talk about "mindful eating"; I even sat in on an hour long class on mindful eating once a month for several months. It is something I actually practice; though you wouldn't know it. For Example when that scone was offered to me, I mindfully said, "no, you don't even like scones. You don't need the scone. You just finished lunch and you're not even hungry". I took the scone anyway. Not only did I take it, but I ravenously ate the whole damn thing. With each bite, I mindfully told myself "This is not that tasty. Its a challenge to eat because you are so full. Don't eat anymore". Yet I continued to mindfully eat the rest of that scone. Ugh.
Tomorrow I'd like to try again. One of these days my tomorrow may actually happen.
I did accomplish one goal today, though, I never did eat a piece of that chocolate.
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