My Parents are Homeless

Tomorrow I become a homeowner. Again. Exactly 5 years ago this month, I bought my first little house. And little it is. I love it. Its perfect for me and my cats, and small enough to heat and pay mortgage. Tomorrow, I will own a second house.

My home actually.

My parents are putting their house, my childhood home, in my name as preparation for the end of their lives. My Dad is in his 70's and my mom is getting close to the big 7-0 herself. They figure that it is better that I have ownership of their house in case something should happen or they end up in a nursing home. Its hard to think about so I simply won't. However, that is not going to stop me from having some fun being their landlord so to speak.

Already I have told them they are not allowed to smoke in "my house".....they just laugh and reinforce to me that I am not allowed to make new rules or kick them out.

Getting ownership of my childhood home will, obviously, be bittersweet. I am so thrilled to know that this home will forever be a part of our family, unless I decide to sell it of course. It gives me piece of mind to know that some strangers will not take up residence in the very home that holds so many memories and laughs.

Still, its a reminder of the inevitable. And in reminding me of that, it is also a reminder to appreciate each day I am fortunate enough to still spend with them.

Crushed Dreams and Independence

Not to be a Debbie Downer here, but I just need to blog about my emptiness just for a moment. Its a rare vacancy these days because I have come to embrace my Childless/Single Woman Status. Most days I stand tall and proud and brag about how great I have it. However, lately I have had just a few fleeting pangs of "I want that".

For starters, I got a phone call from my good friend who just gave birth to baby number 5! Yes, five. And that is not all; her oldest child is 5. That is 5 single births in 5 years. No thank you. But to be able to hold one little bundle in my arms, and to be able to call him/her my own would be magical.

Looking at pictures or hearing about my friends who are having play dates reminds me of what I am missing out. I am often absent from this scene as I don't quite fit in anymore. We have less in common now. They talk about their kids and families. I talk about my cats and my job.

Then, the worst possible thing happens. I become the babysitter. Just another reminder that I don't quite fit in. I get to watch their kids while they go have fun with their friends. Never did I imagine I would be a 30-something babysitter.

Which is exactly what I am doing right now.

Babysitting often awakens one of two emotions in me: 1). I am so glad I can never have kids/I would never be able to do it OR 2). I am so sad I can never have kids/I want it more than anything. Tonight these little cherubs were happy, affectionate, and wonderful so the latter emotion is evoked tonight. I look around at the house filled with toys and life, and realize that my house will forever be filled with just cat hair.

But when I am able to get my uninterrupted sleep tonight, wake up and do whatever the hell I want tomorrow, and not have to answer to anyone or anything, those feelings will quickly subside. My yearnings to have children are less and less with each passing year, but once in a great while they sneak up on me and remind me of something I will never have.

Special Invitation for Sassy

This is for you, Sassy! I'm hoping you stop by my blog and take a peek. Read some of "My Favorites".....my last few posts are not that great, and none are nearly as good as yours, but I'm trying.

Utopia

In my world there exists no massive oil leak in the ocean causing devastation to the creatures that rely on the ocean for their existence. In my world, there is no water or air pollution. No hurricanes, tornadoes or tsunamis that displace thousands of unsuspecting people. There exists no war where thousands of soldiers have lost their lives and innocent civilians have perished. And the Twin Towers still stand tall and mighty. In my world there exists no child abuse or domestic abuse or animal cruelty. Only loving families who strive for only the very best. In my world, there exists no cancer or disease or death. In my world, lost children are reunited with their intact families (because divorce also does not exist). In my world, depression, autism and mental illness do not paralyze the inhabitants. Homelessness and poverty are not present. There is not even a name for rape, torture or homicide. People are happy. There is peace and beauty and harmony. Forests and lakes are vast and pure.

This is my own private Paradise that is necessary for me to create from time to time, otherwise I go crazy thinking of reality. Its a tough world in which we live, and its easy to concentrate on all the devastation. Its so important to keep a personal Utopia to retreat to once in a while. For tonight, that is where I am.

Matters of the Morning

Normally, I am an early riser in the mornings. A morning person through and through. When the birds start singing at 4:00 AM, I smile. Sure, I go back to sleep, but I do smile. Then I usually wake up around 7ish to start the day at full throttle. It is not uncommon for me to have laundry done, bathroom cleaned and dishes washed all before 8:00 AM. Sometimes I even manage to get in a hike or a roller blade fairly early as well. All of this accomplished sans coffee by the way.

Lately, though, getting out of bed has been a challenge. The past few days, I have stayed in bed until 8:30 or longer, and one day I was awakened by the phone at 9:20! I hate those days and feel like I have wasted a good portion of the day before it has even begun. Its been so hard to roll myself out of my comfy bed and I don't know how in the world I am going to drag my fat butt out of bed tomorrow at 5:42 for work. It will be a challenge. Going to bed early does not seem to help matters of the morning. At least now I have some milk in the house, which means I get to eat cereal tomorrow morning, which means that will be my motivation to slowly rise from my slumber.

Once I am out of my bed, its easy. The thought of emerging from the depths of my cat covered blankies is painful and energy sucking. But where there is cereal, I can, and will, prevail. Tomorrow morning, here I come!

Sad State of Food

This is my fridge after working several double shifts in a row:



The truth of the matter is that my fridge looked like the even before working all those doubles. Actually, the milk is newly purchased so that wasn't even in there until I finally had a day off to run to the corner store to pick it up.

The beer and the Sierra Mist are not even mine. They belong to 2 different friends who thought I might be thirsty. Since I drink neither beer nor soda, there they sit. I figure I better have something in the fridge to keep cool or it may think it doesn't have to work anymore and conk out on me.

My goal is to get to the grocery store before returning to work at the end of the week. I hear cherries have made their entrance into our grocery stores so that may just motivate me. I hate grocery shopping more than anything else in the world.

My Three Selves

I heard a quote the other day that went something like this:
"We are all 3 people. The person You think I am. The person I think I am. And the person I really am. The closer those three people are to one another, the more successful and happy you will be."

I really liked that quote, but am a little bit embarrassed to admit that I heard it on Oprah the other day. Even more embarrassing is that Kenny Rogers said it while referring to Dolly Parton (saying her three people were very close together). So I don't often admit to the origin of that quote, but found it pretty profound.

My goal is to try to merge my three selves so they are close to one another. Honestly, I don't think my three selves are that far from one another, but know they could be more tightly knit.

I'm not quite ready to blog about the differences in my three selves, but within me, I know where the controversy exists. Who would have ever thunk that Kenny Rogers would have me reflecting on ways to improve my own happiness?