Family Dinner

July 24th would have been my parents' 49th wedding Anniversary.  My dad was having a hard time around this date (even though they never spent their Anniversarys together).  Still, it was another milestone.  Another first.  Another absence noticed.

So, we decided to have a family dinner out at a restaurant with the whole family, including significant others and Dorie.  Even when Mom was alive, we never all got together at a restaurant before.  She would have enjoyed that.  Days prior to the dinner, I was kind of dreading it knowing it would likely be just a drunken dinner filled with anger, sadness, and worry about how the drunks are going to get home safely.  Well, to my surprise, dinner was very pleasant.  Few memories were shared as well as some laughs.  It was nice.  Nicer still that Dad bought all of our meals.

There was one very noticeable empty chair.  Like for real.  There were 7 of us all together (Jim brought his girlfriend), and we were seated at a table for 8.  So there was a very prominent empty chair, and it was right next to me.  Right where Mom would have been sitting.  Or maybe she was sitting there.  Maybe the chair was empty as a reminder that even though she was not there physically with us, she was there in spirit.  At least that is what I would like to believe.

Soundtrack of Life

I was just thinking of some of those songs that hold some meaning in my life.  Those songs that immediately illicit a strong memory or emotion or that just seem to speak to me in some meaningful way.  Below is the list of songs that I would put on my soundtrack to my life.  I'm trying not to judge my soundtrack because most of the songs are just fanciful songs with not a really deep meaning, but just a reminder of a time or place.

The soundtrack of My Life:

Nobody by Sylvia.  Its a country song one hit wonder.  But it is the probably the biggest song that represents my childhood.  It brings me back to my Aunt Bonnie, innocence, and fun.

Islands in the Stream by Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton.  Another Country song that represents more of my childhood, fun sing offs with my Mom.  Fun memories.

Straight Up by Paula Abdul (and the whole Forever Your Girl album).  I'm entering my teenage years now.  Figuring out what I like.  Straying from the country music I was raised on.  Learning my own likes and dislikes.

Centerfold by The J. Geils Band.  Brothers.  This song reminds me of my teenage brothers and carries with it a fun memory when they put the RECORD in my room as a way to tease me because I didn't want it.  I put it back in their room.  The returned it to my room.  With a heavy sigh I threw it back into their room.  It was an endless battle of who would end up in possession of that record.  Not sure whatever the outcome was.

La Isla Bonita by Madonna (and the whole True Blue Album).  This song reminds me of my childhood best friend, Mindy.  Hours of listening to this album and singing this, our favorite song.

Cats in the Cradle by Harry Chapin.  Actually this period in my life could have its whole own soundtrack.  This song is the umbrella over it all.  It represents the time in my life when I witnessed the abuse of my friends and neighbors for years.  All of the songs listed below,  I listened to with the mom, Patty, but Cats in The Cradle brings me back immediately.  It later had significance when my brother lost his girlfriend to drugs and this song was meaningful to him as well.
          *I am a rock by Simon and Garfunkle
          *Minnesota by Northern Light
          *Hooray For Hazel by Tommy Roe
          *Feet Up Pat Him on the Po-Po by Guy Mitchell
          *Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas

I will Wait by Mumford and Sons.  This song was on the radio throughout my mom's illness.  Was the first song I heard in the car on the way to the hospital the day she died, and was the first song on the radio leaving the hospital after she died.  I took it as a message that she will wait for me in heaven.

Sissy's song by Alan Jackson.  The song we played at my Mom's funeral.

Say Something by A Great Big World.  I turned the radio off for months after my mom died. This is the song that did it to me.

Timshel by Mumford and Sons.  This song brought music back into my life.  It was a very healing song for me.  I listened to it on repeat for weeks.  It helped me see that I "am not alone" and reinforced that I have the greatest friends surrounding and supporting me.

Brave by Sara Bareilles.  Whenever this song comes on the radio, I like to think my mom is telling me she wants to See me "Be Brave".  I'm trying.

Try By Pink.  On those days that I want to just stay in bed, this song reminds me that "you gotta get up and try".

Your Song by Elton John.  A very meaningful song to me.  My friend "serenades" me with this song on some of our drives.  I now think of this as "My Song".  In some of the darkest points, this song helps remind me that we have purpose and can impact those around us.  Truly a song with a deeper meaning than I can't accurately put down in words on this blog.

So, as of now, this is the soundtrack of my life.  Hoping the next album is full of songs of hope, happiness and love.