Spring has sprung once again here in the Northland. Its supposed to be a time of excitement and renewed energy. Days are longer, warmer, and happier. Nature is lighter, brighter, and full of movement.
I'm not sure what the heck happens to me during this time of year, but when the world is coming alive, I start freaking out. Spring is a time of great anxiety for me. Perhaps its change. Change and I do not get along, and my brain tends to think the worst is about to happen with any change that presents itself.
For me, Spring equals IMPENDING DOOM. Its an increase of expectations to be a part of the world. Gone is the comfort of being wrapped up in electric blankets. Gone is the excuse to remain inside hunkered down "because its too cold out" (even though I spend a lot of time outside in the winter). For me, there is a bit of comfort in having the sun go down at 5:00 in the evening and having a blanket of snow covering the ground. We had a late season snowstorm just a week ago, and man, I felt a peace come over me. It felt relaxed and right.
When I hear people talk about the joy and excitement that Spring and Summer bring to them, it makes me question what the heck is wrong with me. Though there are many many aspects of the warmer seasons that I look forward to, anxiety overshadows it all with a black cloud of fear. Fear of what I do not know exactly. I feel almost.......lonely?
As a way to combat all of this anxiety, below is a list of activities that I am looking forward to participate in during the next few months.
Reading in the sunshine
Biking
Kayaking
yard work
bonfires
picking up garbage on the side of the road (a favorite pastime of mine)
beach days
swimming
walks by the river
hikes
sleeping with the windows open (even though I do this year round)
grilling out
mowing the lawn
Camping
Yes, there is much to look forward to. Only the thing is, I am not looking forward to ANY of that.
