In order of appearance:
A butterfly. In the freezing fall. Flitting around my head. Not once, but twice.
A ladybug. On my stove. Crawling towards me.
A bald Eagle. At the "park"...our "park". Swooshing down from a tree. Right in front of me, nearly touching the ground. Up and Away it flew.
A bald Eagle. On the side of the road. In a tree. Sitting all majestic. On my Birthday.
A fox. On the frozen Lake. In the heart of the city. At the most populated place. At the most special time.
A red Cardinal bird. On my deck. Just hours after talking about loving cardinals, how rare they are, and how I haven't seen one in years. ON MY BACK DECK!
Could it be signs from beyond? I'd like to think so. Signs she is near to me. Now and always.
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Whisked Away
Whisk...she got sick.
Whisk....she went to the hospital
Whisk....she went to surgery
Whisk....she is on a vent
Whisk....she develops a rare flesh eating bacteria
Whisk....she is gone
Whisk....she went to the hospital
Whisk....she went to surgery
Whisk....she is on a vent
Whisk....she develops a rare flesh eating bacteria
Whisk....she is gone
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Quarantined
Nearly 3 weeks ago, my mom came down with the Shingles. For the first week, she was really really sick. Like, almost hospitalized sick. Naturally, I was at her house nearly every day helping take care of her, the dogs, and housework. As a child, I never had the chicken pox, but I did have the vaccine when I became an adult so I didn't think I was in any jeopardy of acquiring the pox while I was being exposed to the Herpes-Zoster.
Wrong was I. It took me almost 40 years, but I finally contracted a childhood disease. I got myself The Pox. As in Chicken Pox.
For the first three days, I was pretty sick with a high fever, chills, headache, aches, you name it. I was sent home from work when red spots started to appear throughout my shift, and the doctor the next day confirmed what we suspected. A prescription for fluids, rest, and a week (or more) off of work followed.
Now that all my spots have arrived I feel almost 100%, other than some itching (which hasn't been unbearable) and some unsightly blisters. The worst part for me was being unable (for a few days) to go help my mom. Since I am now feeling better, I can come to her rescue once again. I am still contagious, but she can't get what I have, and I already got what she has (kind of).
Finally, I get to use up some of my 720 hours of sick time at work, and now that I am not that sick (just contagious), I am sort of on a vacation. Well, minus going out in public. Since I am more or less housebound, I browsed through some Netflix options. I happened upon a documentary about a woman (in England I think) who died in her "flat". Though I didn't watch it, I DID read the description and some of the reviews to find that this woman died and was left undiscovered for THREE YEARS. I used to think that would be me. That I would die alone in my house without people realizing I was gone.
I am now confident I will be discovered long before 3 years. My friends have been amazing throughout my illness as well as my mom's illness. Daily texts, calls, and offers to help from SO MANY concerned friends is really overwhelming. One of my busiest friends took time out of her day to bring me an anti-itch care package which has been a Godsend. Grocery store runs, offers to bring me to the doctor, offers to bring me ice cream, and wellness checks are daily occurrences. Two unbelievably amazing friends have even offered to help my mom out when I couldn't!
With friends like mine, fears of being alone in my future have subsided. My friends are beautiful beautiful people with unselfish, golden hearts. Blessed!
Wrong was I. It took me almost 40 years, but I finally contracted a childhood disease. I got myself The Pox. As in Chicken Pox.
For the first three days, I was pretty sick with a high fever, chills, headache, aches, you name it. I was sent home from work when red spots started to appear throughout my shift, and the doctor the next day confirmed what we suspected. A prescription for fluids, rest, and a week (or more) off of work followed.
Now that all my spots have arrived I feel almost 100%, other than some itching (which hasn't been unbearable) and some unsightly blisters. The worst part for me was being unable (for a few days) to go help my mom. Since I am now feeling better, I can come to her rescue once again. I am still contagious, but she can't get what I have, and I already got what she has (kind of).
Finally, I get to use up some of my 720 hours of sick time at work, and now that I am not that sick (just contagious), I am sort of on a vacation. Well, minus going out in public. Since I am more or less housebound, I browsed through some Netflix options. I happened upon a documentary about a woman (in England I think) who died in her "flat". Though I didn't watch it, I DID read the description and some of the reviews to find that this woman died and was left undiscovered for THREE YEARS. I used to think that would be me. That I would die alone in my house without people realizing I was gone.
I am now confident I will be discovered long before 3 years. My friends have been amazing throughout my illness as well as my mom's illness. Daily texts, calls, and offers to help from SO MANY concerned friends is really overwhelming. One of my busiest friends took time out of her day to bring me an anti-itch care package which has been a Godsend. Grocery store runs, offers to bring me to the doctor, offers to bring me ice cream, and wellness checks are daily occurrences. Two unbelievably amazing friends have even offered to help my mom out when I couldn't!
With friends like mine, fears of being alone in my future have subsided. My friends are beautiful beautiful people with unselfish, golden hearts. Blessed!
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Magic
We all have those days at our respective jobs where we want to pull our hair out, scream, and perhaps even quit. Then we have those days that remind us why we do what we do, especially those of us in the social services area of work.
Today was one of those latter days. The kind that makes your heart swell and eyes well. A day of pure magic.
The past few days, I have been working with 6 middle school kids who are pretty resistant to being in the day program in which I work. Resistant to being there in the first place bubbles over into small battles over seemingly simple things....like going to group, cleaning up their lunch plates, being respectful to one another.
Change in our predictable schedule also becomes a struggle and today was the monster of all changes for this group. Today, our schedule included a field trip to a therapeutic horse ranch. On Monday (two days prior to "the horses", as we affectionately refer to our experience), five of the six kids were adamant that they were not going to go. So adamant was one kiddo that he had a 2 hour rage at home because his anxiety was overwhelming, and he thought by throwing this fit, he would be able to avoid this potentially uncomfortable experience. Another gal insisted she would not even come to the treatment program that day and most certainly she was not going to the horses.
The two days leading up to the field trip, we attempted to coach the kids in skills, calm their anxieties, and encourage them in all sorts of ways. Sometimes our attempts bred anger, and most certainly none of the hesitant ones were sold on going. We still had one very uncompromising gal and one very uncompromising boy.
Then today happened. I was surprised to see all six faces arrive at the program today. Our rigid gal was unusually quiet and withdrawn in the morning, and I was a bit concerned she would refuse to leave the building when the time came to head up to the horses. But the time came, and she hopped in the van no problem.
We arrive at the horse arena and went to observe the horses. The kids mindfully observe the various horses, and when they feel a connection, they raise their hand to claim which one they want to work beside. Our hyperactive, socially awkward boy surprisingly waiting last to pick his horse allowing all the other kids to have their first choices. His buddy ended up being the most vocal and energetic of all the horses, just as this kid was the most vocal and energetic of our bunch of kiddos. All kids picked their horses and approached them very cautiously, even our most resolute boy and gal.
They each brushed their majestic beauties, cleaned their hooves, and got to practice leading them around the arena. Building confidence and conquering fears all the while. Bright smiles on our most hardened kids.
Toward the end of our time, the kids got to ride their new found friend. Our uncompromising boy? Yes, he rode around the arena with the brightest smile I have seen from him. Not only that, but he encouraged the others to do the same, even the other boy who irritated him during their time together in the program.
Our uncompromising gal? She, too, wore a bright smile as she rode Shiloh. By the end of it, she was hugging her horse saying she did not want to leave and requested to have her picture taken. Perhaps even a tear was shed as she said goodbye.
This experience was beyond anything I have ever experienced. The connection between horse and human was something I had never seen. I'm still unsure if the animal matched the energy of the kid, or if the kid chose the animal because of shared characteristics. Maybe a little of both. Whatever it was, only one word can explain it. Magic.
Today was one of those latter days. The kind that makes your heart swell and eyes well. A day of pure magic.
The past few days, I have been working with 6 middle school kids who are pretty resistant to being in the day program in which I work. Resistant to being there in the first place bubbles over into small battles over seemingly simple things....like going to group, cleaning up their lunch plates, being respectful to one another.
Change in our predictable schedule also becomes a struggle and today was the monster of all changes for this group. Today, our schedule included a field trip to a therapeutic horse ranch. On Monday (two days prior to "the horses", as we affectionately refer to our experience), five of the six kids were adamant that they were not going to go. So adamant was one kiddo that he had a 2 hour rage at home because his anxiety was overwhelming, and he thought by throwing this fit, he would be able to avoid this potentially uncomfortable experience. Another gal insisted she would not even come to the treatment program that day and most certainly she was not going to the horses.
The two days leading up to the field trip, we attempted to coach the kids in skills, calm their anxieties, and encourage them in all sorts of ways. Sometimes our attempts bred anger, and most certainly none of the hesitant ones were sold on going. We still had one very uncompromising gal and one very uncompromising boy.
Then today happened. I was surprised to see all six faces arrive at the program today. Our rigid gal was unusually quiet and withdrawn in the morning, and I was a bit concerned she would refuse to leave the building when the time came to head up to the horses. But the time came, and she hopped in the van no problem.
We arrive at the horse arena and went to observe the horses. The kids mindfully observe the various horses, and when they feel a connection, they raise their hand to claim which one they want to work beside. Our hyperactive, socially awkward boy surprisingly waiting last to pick his horse allowing all the other kids to have their first choices. His buddy ended up being the most vocal and energetic of all the horses, just as this kid was the most vocal and energetic of our bunch of kiddos. All kids picked their horses and approached them very cautiously, even our most resolute boy and gal.
They each brushed their majestic beauties, cleaned their hooves, and got to practice leading them around the arena. Building confidence and conquering fears all the while. Bright smiles on our most hardened kids.
Toward the end of our time, the kids got to ride their new found friend. Our uncompromising boy? Yes, he rode around the arena with the brightest smile I have seen from him. Not only that, but he encouraged the others to do the same, even the other boy who irritated him during their time together in the program.
Our uncompromising gal? She, too, wore a bright smile as she rode Shiloh. By the end of it, she was hugging her horse saying she did not want to leave and requested to have her picture taken. Perhaps even a tear was shed as she said goodbye.
This experience was beyond anything I have ever experienced. The connection between horse and human was something I had never seen. I'm still unsure if the animal matched the energy of the kid, or if the kid chose the animal because of shared characteristics. Maybe a little of both. Whatever it was, only one word can explain it. Magic.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Miss Efficiency
Just call me Miss Efficient (or maybe Miss ADHD....you be the judge). At least I try to be (efficient, not ADHD). I remember how the powers that be at Target drilled efficiency into the heads of us cashiers. It would be safe to say I was productive even before this, but all of that training reinforced what I already felt in the core of my soul.
The older I get, the more skilled I am becoming at being efficient. And skilled I am. I'm so proficient that I can watch a 2 hour movie in about 1/2 hour! Tip number one at "movie efficiency": Fast forward all the boring or non important parts. For example, who needs to watch a chase scene in real time? You can just as easily see what is going on in the scene in fast forward. Generally there is no dialogue so you don't miss any key plot points. In fact, one could argue, that watching a chase scene in fast forward is EVEN faster; therefore, it is also more exciting. Plus you shave about 3-5 minutes off the time of the film! Brilliant.
Tip number two: Fast forward fight scenes and running scenes: For the same reasons mentioned above.
Tip number three: Fast forward any scene involving no dialogue where a person is just standing there, a song is playing, or someone is searching for something. You can make a "slow" movie, not so slow and again, you shave precious minutes off the film time.
Tip number four: Fast forward any movie that you may not enjoy, but you want to see how it ends. Or perhaps you want to be familiar with only certain scenes for pop culture reasons. Last night I did just that. I watched the first 5 minute opening of the film, fast forwarded the entire middle part, and watched the final 5 minutes. That is a whole 10 minutes of movie watching, and yet, I knowexactly enough of what happened in the movie that I feel confident I don't want to watch the entire film.
Not all movies are fast forward-able. I get that and respect that. Only those worthy of being fast forwarded will be sped up.
Now the question remains: efficient or attention deficit?
The older I get, the more skilled I am becoming at being efficient. And skilled I am. I'm so proficient that I can watch a 2 hour movie in about 1/2 hour! Tip number one at "movie efficiency": Fast forward all the boring or non important parts. For example, who needs to watch a chase scene in real time? You can just as easily see what is going on in the scene in fast forward. Generally there is no dialogue so you don't miss any key plot points. In fact, one could argue, that watching a chase scene in fast forward is EVEN faster; therefore, it is also more exciting. Plus you shave about 3-5 minutes off the time of the film! Brilliant.
Tip number two: Fast forward fight scenes and running scenes: For the same reasons mentioned above.
Tip number three: Fast forward any scene involving no dialogue where a person is just standing there, a song is playing, or someone is searching for something. You can make a "slow" movie, not so slow and again, you shave precious minutes off the film time.
Tip number four: Fast forward any movie that you may not enjoy, but you want to see how it ends. Or perhaps you want to be familiar with only certain scenes for pop culture reasons. Last night I did just that. I watched the first 5 minute opening of the film, fast forwarded the entire middle part, and watched the final 5 minutes. That is a whole 10 minutes of movie watching, and yet, I know
Not all movies are fast forward-able. I get that and respect that. Only those worthy of being fast forwarded will be sped up.
Now the question remains: efficient or attention deficit?
Thursday, September 5, 2013
When Life Imitates Bob Villa
For months, maybe years, I have been asking my brother to help me do a few things around my house. Things that I most surely can't do by myself. Things that require "a man". Being a non enthusiastic brother, his answer was always, "Yes, one of these days".
Well, one of these days came. My brother did not.
Not sure how it came over me, but one morning I woke up, went downstairs just to see how easy it would be to rip up the carpeting in my basement. It took some elbow grease, but I pried up the metal thingy that holds the carpet to the floor on the seams. Once that was up, the rest was not so bad.
This is the best "before" picture I have. This is midway through the carpet removal with half of the carpet still visible and attached. Carpet is quite heavy so I had to cut it in half in order to haul it up the stairs and out the door. By myself.
In the corners, underneath the carpet was rather damp and moldy. Spiders scurried from time to time. And cats were really good at getting underfoot. But I did it. By myself. Do you also see that large closet in the corner? Yup. I moved that too. By myself.
After researching how to apply epoxy flooring, I started the daunting task of scraping up the old paint on my basement floor to prep it properly so that epoxy would adhere.
Scraping sucked! I scraped most of this floor with a putty knife. It was overwhelming at first, and I am not going to lie. After the first day of scraping, I called "a man" to finish the job for me. He was unavailable and had also never applied epoxy before. So I did it. By myself.
Scraping became an obsession. Peeling paint was so pleasurable. Any little piece of sticking up paint just called my name and once I started to peel, I could. not. stop. I lost sleep so that I could peel. It was great. but it was NeVerEnDinG so I finally had to just tell myself enough was enough or I would still be down there peeling up that paint.
Next came sanding whatever paint was left on the floor. I used a handheld electric sander and did wear all the appropriate safety gear....
....Except there should have been a warning on the safety goggles.
I gave myself a black eye after poking myself in the eye with the goggles! Bob Villa would not be proud.
Then came power washing and acid etching the floor, which I did accomplish with a borrowed wet/dry vacuum. The above photo is the only injury I sustained despite pouring acid on the floor while wearing capri pants, no socks, and open toed sandals. Bob Villa would most certainly be appalled at my lack of safety measures. However, I was beaming with pride because I did it by myself.
Once all of that was done and dried, the floor was ready for the fun part. Painting!
And because when you start one project, more are sure to follow. So I decided to give my downstairs bathroom a make over as well. Below are some before and after photos.
Well, one of these days came. My brother did not.
Not sure how it came over me, but one morning I woke up, went downstairs just to see how easy it would be to rip up the carpeting in my basement. It took some elbow grease, but I pried up the metal thingy that holds the carpet to the floor on the seams. Once that was up, the rest was not so bad.
 |
| Ever try ripping up carpet with cats "helping"? Not an easy task! There is Muffin, one of my trusty helpers. |
This is the best "before" picture I have. This is midway through the carpet removal with half of the carpet still visible and attached. Carpet is quite heavy so I had to cut it in half in order to haul it up the stairs and out the door. By myself.
In the corners, underneath the carpet was rather damp and moldy. Spiders scurried from time to time. And cats were really good at getting underfoot. But I did it. By myself. Do you also see that large closet in the corner? Yup. I moved that too. By myself.
After researching how to apply epoxy flooring, I started the daunting task of scraping up the old paint on my basement floor to prep it properly so that epoxy would adhere.
Scraping sucked! I scraped most of this floor with a putty knife. It was overwhelming at first, and I am not going to lie. After the first day of scraping, I called "a man" to finish the job for me. He was unavailable and had also never applied epoxy before. So I did it. By myself.
Scraping became an obsession. Peeling paint was so pleasurable. Any little piece of sticking up paint just called my name and once I started to peel, I could. not. stop. I lost sleep so that I could peel. It was great. but it was NeVerEnDinG so I finally had to just tell myself enough was enough or I would still be down there peeling up that paint.
Next came sanding whatever paint was left on the floor. I used a handheld electric sander and did wear all the appropriate safety gear....
....Except there should have been a warning on the safety goggles.
I gave myself a black eye after poking myself in the eye with the goggles! Bob Villa would not be proud.
Then came power washing and acid etching the floor, which I did accomplish with a borrowed wet/dry vacuum. The above photo is the only injury I sustained despite pouring acid on the floor while wearing capri pants, no socks, and open toed sandals. Bob Villa would most certainly be appalled at my lack of safety measures. However, I was beaming with pride because I did it by myself.
Once all of that was done and dried, the floor was ready for the fun part. Painting!
 |
| Half way done! |
And my final project turned out great. In the beginning I didn't care if I screwed up royally because, well, its my house and also because its just the basement. Now I have a very clean, mold resistant floor. It still needs some decorating , but for now, THIS is my new and improved basement:
When I was describing all of this to my aunt, she said to me, "Honey, you need a man". And I proudly proclaimed, "Who needs a man?!? I did this All. By. Myself!"
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Road Tripping with Prairie Dogs
Just two days home from a fabulous road trip through South Dakota, I want to go back. Or at least go on another road trip somewhere. Initially, "South Dakota" elicits "what is in SOUTH DAKOTA?", "why THERE?" But let me tell ya, it has some of the most breathtaking landscape and scenery I have ever seen.
So below is basically just my itinerary. Nothing funny, fancy, or thought provoking. Just a recap of my Fun Trip mostly for my own memory....
Day 1 (Monday): On the road by 7:15 on our way to pick up our rental car (a Blue Chevy Cruz) in a torrential downpour. By 7:30, we were "married". That's right. "Married". After learning that it would cost an additional $10 a day to add another driver for the rental car, some random guy informed us that it does not cost extra for spouses to be added on as extra drivers. So, in that instant, we were spouses. We just saved ourselves about $100!
We were so overpacked that we had to cram all of our gear into the car. Literally. It was one of those "Quick! Shut the trunk" things where if you were to open the trunk from here on out, you had to use extreme caution for falling duffel bags. For real. Our back seat was plum full too. The down pour of rain and our impatience to get rolling may have impacted our organization skills. But we were off! My mission was to see buffalo and prairie dogs!
Ten hours later, we made it to South Dakota and toured the World's Only Corn Palace. We were curious as to what a Corn Palace was, and here it is a Palace made of Corn. Go figure. Its more like an entertainment auditorium for concerts and whatnot. The outside is made out of corn and the design is changed every year. When we saw a hungry pigeon gnawing on the outside of the building, we knew it was real corn.
After 13 hours of car concerting, we finally made it to Wall. Signs for Wall Drug litter the entire freeway as soon as you cross the Minnesota/South Dakota border. By this time, it was around 10:00 PM, so we just got our hotel and turned in for the night.
Day 2 (Tuesday): More rain and wind. Turns out Wall is a tiny tourist town with kitchy shops for rinky dink souvenirs and fun photo opportunities.
Our breath was first stripped away when we saw the rolling prairie hills. Grey sky, green grass dotted with tons of black cows.
South Dakota is Super windy. My vanity had to take a back seat and I rocked hats and bandannas. Not my best look, but it made for a much more pleasant and relaxing trip to not have to worry about my hair.
Then on to Sitting Bull cave. This is home of the world's largest specimen of Dog Tooth Spar.
We had to climb down 180 stairs to get into the depths of the cave. That meant we had to then climb 180 stairs OUT of the cave too.
Did you know that if you fart in a cave, the stench lingers for a long time and follows you? Thanks to me, we learned that lesson!
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| Some of the dog tooth spar. |
Back in the car to head to the Black Hills. On our way there, we stopped at Bear Country where we drove around a free roaming zoo of sorts. All kind of animals roamed in sectioned off areas. The highlight was the hundreds of bears that came right up to the car.
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| This guy made us chuckle. He was just sitting there looking at the scenery. We called him the "meditating bear" |
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And some of the most stunning terrain on the Needles Highway. Rock formations and spooky, windy roads proved to be truly Awesome. One could think they were on a different planet by the unearthly feel that the Needles emit.
That night we stayed in Hill city to return to the Black Hills the next day to explore and hike.
Day 3 (Wednesday): Weather is finally cooperating. In the mid 50's, some sun, Breezy. We venture to hike Harney's Peak, which is the highest point between the Rockies and the Andes. This was the Mother of all hikes. Six miles round trip, 3 of which is uphill, climbing this ancient "mountain".
 |
| We hiked to that "castle" in the background. In actuality, it used to be a fire tower |
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| At the top of Harney's Peak. |
The return trip was much easier, but we were both ready to relax in the car and drive the Custer Wildlife Loop. My mission of seeing "Buffalo" (more properly called "Bison") and Prairie Dogs came true! Bison everywhere!
Where there is Bison, there are Prairie dogs as well. So cute!
In addition, we saw Pronghorn deer
And the "begging burros"
My biggest regret is not hanging out with these burros longer. I fed this guy carrots. Next time, I will park, chill, and talk to my buddies longer.
After talking to all the critters, we headed back to Wall so that we could spend the following day in the Badlands.
Day 4 (Thursday): Windy (Badlands was under a "wind advisory"), but sunny and warmer. On our way to the Badlands, we found this little spot where we could hang out with the Prairie Dogs! Dream come true! We got to feed them and hang out with the little critters.
We spent the rest of the day here, in the sacred, spiritual lands. The Badlands!
Initially, we were going to camp here, but because of the weather (there was also some threats of a thunder storm) and our eagerness to start our long trek back home, we decided against camping. Next time, we said. So, East we went towards home and ended up staying in Pierre, the capital.
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| Did not see a rattlesnake, though I was calling for them. I only wanted to see one from a distance. A long distance. |
So, I came to see "Buffalo" and Prairie Dogs, and got to see so much more. More than I ever thought was possible in South Dakota.
On my journey, I couldn't help but think of the Native Indians who were forced to give up their sacred land and now live in some of the worst poverty in America. But that is a blog for another day, another time.
For now, I will relish in the beautiful landscape that is America and give thanks for the beautiful perfection that surrounds us each and every day.
Memorable Quotes:
Me: Slow and Steady Wins the Race
Her: Water is life. Hydrate or die.
both of us: Winning! In reference to farting and who had the stinkiest ones. Cows won, but I came in second.
Saturday, March 9, 2013
My New Mantra
Ever since I saw this, I have been consciously saying this to myself nearly every day. Not sure who wrote it (but I do know it was from someone who had gastric bypass surgery) and it isn't grammatically perfect, but the message is clear.
I CAN DO HARD THINGS
YOU CAN do hard things.I know, you're saying, "What's your point?"Sometimes, when faced with a challenge-- especially if you're a recovering addict as so many of us are, when you approach something difficult, your inner voice says, "Holy crap-- I can't DO that"...and you do an about-face-- you reach for the drug (or Ring Ding) of choice. To feel uncomfortable… and not to comfort yourself, is a hard thing but you can do hard things.
YOU CAN do hard things.I know, you're saying, "What's your point?"Sometimes, when faced with a challenge-- especially if you're a recovering addict as so many of us are, when you approach something difficult, your inner voice says, "Holy crap-- I can't DO that"...and you do an about-face-- you reach for the drug (or Ring Ding) of choice. To feel uncomfortable… and not to comfort yourself, is a hard thing but you can do hard things.
When it's late and you're tired, and you know you are supposed to walk, you said you would, and it's looking like it might rain-- it's hard as hell to lace those sneakers up and get out there—
but you can do hard things.Protein shakes can taste yucky. It's hard to remember all those calcium supplements. It's hard to get 64 oz of water in. It's hard to plan meals, buy expensive and healthy choices, stay out of the cake in the lounge at work-- but you can do hard things.
but you can do hard things.Protein shakes can taste yucky. It's hard to remember all those calcium supplements. It's hard to get 64 oz of water in. It's hard to plan meals, buy expensive and healthy choices, stay out of the cake in the lounge at work-- but you can do hard things.
You don't have to self-medicate. You don't have to eat those chips. You don't have to duck and avoid every unpleasant, difficult challenge in your path. Sometimes, the best bet is to admit their existence..."Yes, hard things, I see you trying to get in my way, but you know what? I CAN DO HARD THINGS!"
Sometimes this means having to survive a host of feelings you never felt before because you never let yourself feel them before-- stress, confusion, anger, rage. You can't numb them out or sand off their edges-- you have to stand right in your space and let them have a go at you-- and grit your teeth, and say to yourself, "Go ahead, get in my way. I'll get through this. I can do hard things."And you will find that you will survive them. And as you survive them, you will face new ones, standing a little taller, because in time you will eventually understand and rely on the fact that you can do hard things. And eventually the "pass me some Ben and Jerry's--my boss is a jackass" response gives way to something new-- something that sounds more like this:"Go ahead, Boss, bring it on. I'll have that on your desk by five.""No thanks, Nancy, it's gorgeous but I really can't have an eclair right now.""I guess I could just park back there and walk.""It's only 8 ounces and I don't have to love the stuff, I'll just drink it quickly.""If I spend ten minutes planning now, I won't be faced with tough choices later."
Post RNY living is no joke. It's not easy. It's not fun. It's not all "Whee, I'm a size 6!" Not everyone takes it as badly as I did, but there were days I *literally* cried because a kid at a store could have a cookie and I couldn't. I felt sorry for myself and holed up in my jammies, burning candles, and chatting here to avoid my fridge.When I started, I could literally not walk further than my car, which is about 100 feet from my door. I bargained with myself that getting down to maybe 250 pounds would be JUST FINE, I didn't need more than that because the thought to ask more from myself was ridiculous, impossible-- who the hell loses 220 pounds? That's not even humanly possible, seriously!And I found out the answer to who does that : it's ME. *I* can lose 220 pounds-- I know it because I *did* it . I can get in my supplements. I can learn to accept my new, imperfect body. And with planning and management, I can make a post op life that still provides pleasure, joy and fulfillment.And I don't do those things because they are easy-- I do them because they're hard, but I *can*. I can do hard things.And so can you. And you will. So the next time it's all too much (and it is for me too, although less often as I grow), look your RNY challenge-- whatever it is--- boldly in the face and say, "I can do this. I can do hard things."Then pull out all the stops and grab the brass ring-- it's there for the taking!"
Whatever your challenge is, YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS. And so can I!
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Getting My Ski On
January and February can be a funky time in these parts, especially if there is no snow in which to have fun. The dead of winter. Dark, grey days can create dark, grey spirits. Knowing all too well the heaviness of this time of year in the Northland, I took some days off work so that I can have some FUN and lift the heaviness that has fallen on my soul yet again.
Finally we have a winter that has substantial snow suitable for snowshoeing and skiing. During these 6 days off, I am embracing Every. Single. Moment. Perfect weather, and fun friends, has made for some of the best skiing I have had in years. The other night, I skied under the light of the full moon and had one of the best laughs I have had in a very long time.
Some days have been super ski days with skiing in the morning AND the afternoon. I feel like I need to get all my skiing in during these 6 days because once I head back to work, its no turning back. I will be working 12 shifts in 11 days. Just thinking about that makes me tired.....
BUT for THIS week, I am enjoying quality time with nature.
Snowshoeing with the dogs is always great fun. They roll around in the snow collecting snowballs.......
Or becoming one.........
Before too long, skiing and snowshoeing season will be over and we will morph into ucky mucky spring, but I intend to take advantage of this glorious snow that has been absent the past few years. Lots of good skiing can still be had; its only March!
And just as easily as it sneaks in, the darkness lifts and once again I can think a little straighter, breathe a little lighter, and laugh a little easier.
Finally we have a winter that has substantial snow suitable for snowshoeing and skiing. During these 6 days off, I am embracing Every. Single. Moment. Perfect weather, and fun friends, has made for some of the best skiing I have had in years. The other night, I skied under the light of the full moon and had one of the best laughs I have had in a very long time.
Some days have been super ski days with skiing in the morning AND the afternoon. I feel like I need to get all my skiing in during these 6 days because once I head back to work, its no turning back. I will be working 12 shifts in 11 days. Just thinking about that makes me tired.....
BUT for THIS week, I am enjoying quality time with nature.
Snowshoeing with the dogs is always great fun. They roll around in the snow collecting snowballs.......
Or becoming one.........
Before too long, skiing and snowshoeing season will be over and we will morph into ucky mucky spring, but I intend to take advantage of this glorious snow that has been absent the past few years. Lots of good skiing can still be had; its only March!
And just as easily as it sneaks in, the darkness lifts and once again I can think a little straighter, breathe a little lighter, and laugh a little easier.
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