Conflicted

Life sure has become interesting quickly these past few weeks.  First, we both got the flu (or something similar that lasted weeks), then we had the tree guy issue (still not resolved).  Just a few days ago, our fridge decided this was a good time to die.  A new fridge has been ordered but will not be delivered for another week.  Thankfully it is winter so we have been able to use Mother Nature as our refrigerator and freezer.  All this just a week before Christmas.

But wait, there's more!

Of all things, I am pondering a career change.  After nearly 24 years on the unit, another job kind of popped up for me.  On a whim, I decided to apply.  I updated my resume halfheartedly, submitted it, and got a job interview.  I went into the interview blind and didn't really care the results of the interview since I already have a decent job that I usually don't mind.  

But then, I got offered the job!  

Now what do I do?  I'm trying to just sort out all of the thoughts in my head and thought I would just kind of ramble away here and see where my thoughts take me.

My new job would be as a bereavement coordinator through hospice, which is something I have been interested in ever since losing my mom.  A few of my friends have reached out to me after the passing of their mom, and I have been able to support them.  It brings me fulfillment and I can relate to the deep grief that losing a loved one brings.  

With this new job, comes working more:  both more days and more effort.  It also brings more autonomy with some days being able to work at home.  Less pay hourly, though over time, it would pay more as my current job is nearly capped out with my wage earnings.  I'm not in it for the money though.  I am in it to help people through their grief journey.  To provide some sort of support and connection during a time that one can feel alone and confused.  

Not to mention it would be a challenge, mentally stimulating, fresh, new, exciting.  Scary.  

But do I want to leave my current job?  A job I know and (used to) love.  A job that allows me to not work a lot but has the opportunity to pick up and make a lot of money if needed?  A job that is "easy".  One where I could do crossword puzzles and get paid a decent wage to do so.  But one where I am also kind of bored that feels like groundhog day.  

 One thing I do know, is that I used to work A LOT.  After my mom died, I slowed down a bit.  I decided that I wanted to enjoy life more.  Living life was more important that working so much.  And I have done just that for the past 9 years.  Living a life of leisure full of adventures: day trips, bike rides, kayaks, hikes, etc (before I got sick with Lyme anyway).  Not sure I want to sacrifice my ample opportunity of leisure.  

Just some random thoughts.  No clear answers.   One minute I am certain I will take the job, the next I am certain I will not.  Either way, it is validating and empowering to know that I CAN do something else if I so choose.  They hired me.  They wanted me!  They even adjusted the work hours in order to hire me.  Only I want them to adjust the hours even more.  I asked, and was denied.  Perhaps I ask again.  Perhaps I leave it up to that.  Ask again.  If they want me bad enough, they will hire me.  If not, maybe it just isn't meant to be.  I don't know.  

Monday I will be talking with Amy about it more seriously and I'm hoping it will bring some clarity for me.  I'm just proud I went through the process and even considered getting out of my comfort zone.  Whatever is meant to be, will be.    

Just blessed to be employed and to have options!