As I was sitting on the toilet the other day, I noticed a sensitive spot on my rear end area. I took a peek. Who wouldn't? You totally would, and you know it. Anyway, I peeked. I was aghast to see a swollen reddened area. Naturally, I consulted my doctor of choice: Google. From the photos I found online, I deduced that I had meself a boil.
A boil! Gross. From that deduction, I made a further conclusion that I am indeed old. Not only old, but also fat since only old, fat people get boils.
Following the advice of
my doctor Google, I sat myself on a heating pad, soaked in the hot tub, and kept an eye on it as best I could.
Within about 2 days, my "boil" was black. Either I had gangrene or I didn't have a boil. Then I remembered a scooter mishap I had at work earlier that week. I was helping one of the little kids put away one of the scooters when I tripped over that son-of-a-bitch. The scooter, not the kid. The result was a handle bar to the ass. Problem solved! My boil was a bruise.
Since I did not have a boil, that could only mean
one thing two things:
1). I am not old
2). I am not fat.
Whew! I was worried for a moment. Though both of those things are debatable.
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