All day long I have been ruminating about not wanting to go to work this weekend. For starters, the weather has finally decided to get nice. After a week of fog, rain, and wind complete with tornado warnings, this weekend is supposed to be fairly nice. Sunny and warm. Nice weather, particularly on the weekend, makes going in to work that much more difficult.
Secondly, work is a little dicey with more than one acting out kid, and I hear we have been working short handed quite a bit lately. So my anxiety is sky high tonight mostly because it has been a few days since I have been "on the unit". Entering into the "unknown" always causes me to bite my nails and raid the fridge a little more than normal. Like going to the dentist, the thought and anticipation of going is far worse than actually going. Once you are there, its not all bad.
Thirdly, I have been dreading working 16 hours all weekend long as I typically do doubles throughout the weekend. Then it occurs to me: I do not have to do doubles; I can go in just for my scheduled shift, and then go home. Sometimes I forget that. Truly I do. Immediately I begin to feel better about going to work tomorrow knowing it only has to be for 8 hours if I want it to be. Or I can double. The choice is mine to make which alleviates a small percentage of my anxiety.
A coworker told me the other day that I have an abusive relationship with my job. I wouldn't quite say that, but sometimes I feel like it is a marriage. I'm just waiting for my ring.
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