I stole this idea from another blogger friend who blogged about her kids and their naughty adventures. I thought I'd extend it to my cats and their naughty adventures. Thanks for the idea and sorry about the plagiarising, Julie ;)
Hey, all you naughty kitty cats out there! Humans think that we are here to provide them companionship and love, but really we are here to make their lives as miserable as possible. The following are purrfect ideas to make your human as annoyed as possible.
1. If you are an outdoor feline, be sure to bring home lots of gross presents in the form of dead animals and rodents. For good fun bring home an injured, but not quite dead, mouse or bird. Then let it go in the house to watch your human really freak out. Chances are they will rescue that critter and you won't get to eat it for lunch, but watching your human scream and chase a flying bird or scurrying mouse around is quite comical. You also might get grounded to the house for a while, but usually its worth the funny antics.
2. Be sure to wake up your human throughout all hours of the night. Walking on their sleeping bodies, sitting on their heads, and meowing obnoxiously are the best ways to wake them up. Anytime after 2 AM is the ideal time for increased crabbiness. Other strategies may include knocking things off dressers, counters, or scratching on various objects within the room.
3. Make the biggest mess possible out of the litter provided to you in the litter box. The more litter you can scatter about, the better. If you can track it all the way into the bedroom, be sure to leave little pieces of litter in between your human's sheets. This is great fun!
4. Barfing. Try to barf as often as possible. The best way to achieve this is to overeat your food and then vomit it back up almost immediately. Or you can also lick and swallow your own fur to create little fur balls in your tummy. Both options will equally gross out your human. For best results, make that throaty "glub glub" right before barfing. For added effect, barfing on the carpeting will elicit more aggravation from your human. Few things are as fun as "glub glubbing" in the middle of the night and barfing on freshly washed bedding!
5. If you are an indoor cat, try to sneak out at every opportunity. Meow like crazy at the door and scratch near any exits. If the door opens, act like you don't care, but then bolt out once you see an out. Having your human chase you in hysterics is.......well, hysterical!
6. Every cat knows that the humans take the best seats in the house. Watch it carefully. When your human stands up, immediately lay down in the spot where they were just sitting. Chances are, if you arrange yourself in a super cute curled up position, your human will let you stay snuggled up. They will likely heat up another spot for you to steal once they stand up again. Pure bliss!
7. Leave your hair everywhere around the house. If your human is wearing black pants, make sure to rub up against them repeatedly. And, if you are lucky enough to still have your nails, be sure to claw on furniture as often as possible. If your human doesn't see you doing it, they will never know!
8. Just when your human gets comfortable, jump up onto that shelf full of breakable knick knacks. Pretend you don't hear them when they yell for you to get down. Those stupid humans don't realize we won't break anything. Its only when they try to physically remove us do things get knocked over and broken.
9. If your human wants to pick you up and pet you, act like you don't want to sit on their lap at that time. Wait until they are busy reading the paper or eating food and then demand to be pet. Lay on the paper so they have no choice but to see you and pet you.
10. In the ultimate act of annoying your human, be sure to walk where they are walking. If they are going down stairs, dart in front of them causing them to stumble. Its funny to watch their faces when they think they are going to fall. This comes with caution as your human could accidentally step on you or fall on you so be careful when trying this tactic.
By following these rules, you are certain to make your human's life full of funny adventures. Yes, we will rule the world someday! For now, we'll settle for ruling our houses.
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