Learning to Trust

Until recently, I never understood it when I heard people say, "God spoke to me" or "God told me.....".  On an emotional night a few weeks ago, I turned to my journal as a means to sort out my emotions and thoughts on the world.  This particular night, I was journaling and praying.  I'm not a super religious person, but I do consider myself quite spiritual.  I have had one way conversations with God, and I do pray and count my blessings most every night.

After I was done journaling on this evening, I revisited some old journal entries which sometimes brings about a greater understanding of what I am experiencing at the moment.  I came across an entry from February of 2010.  I was reflecting on the past year (2009) and I wrote:

"2009 was the year I learned to trust.....Trust in life, trust in God."

Upon reading this, I immediately felt a sense of peace that what I was fretting over was going to be OK.  With this new found sense of contentment, I wiped away my tears, smiled, and surrendered to sleep.

It was a pretty profound moment which resurfaced with me today.  And then I understood.  God spoke to me.  For the first time, He spoke to me.  Or rather, for the first time, I heard Him.  He spoke to me, through my own words, and reminded me again to Trust. 

Trust.

Such a big word and an even bigger concept.

But a concept I think I understand.

Nature's Song

Music is not a part of my soul like it is with so many of my friends, and so much of the world.  I dig music, alright; I just don't need it.  More ingrained in my soul is the songs nature produces.

When I am out and about, I see so many people who are out in nature, but not really experiencing it.  Ear buds plug out the beautiful sounds of birds singing, leaves rustling, and water trickling.  When I am on the trails roller blading, skiing, walking, all without ear buds, I appreciate all the sounds nature has to offer. I listen and I hear.  A part of me feels sad for those unfortunate folks who could be hearing the most beautiful music ever.

Waking up in the early morning to the sounds of birds happily chirping away is my favorite alarm clock.  It brings an instant smile to my face no matter how early they awaken me. 

Even the quiet stillness winter brings is magical.  A blanket of freshly fallen snow produces a silent sound unlike any other.  The sound of peace. 

I breathe it all in and peace overcomes me as well.

My Disneyland

Before there was me, there was a family of five.  My 3 brothers and my parents.  This family took family vacations, had a family camper, and also owned a family cabin.  By the time I came into the world, we no longer had that camper, the cabin, and for some reason, we stopped doing things as a family unit.  Perhaps a fourth child added one too many children; perhaps our age differences were so vast that it made vacations too difficult; or perhaps by the time I joined the family, my parents were just too worn out.  Whatever the case, I don't remember one time when the entire family loaded into the car and enjoyed a family outing of any kind.

My mom never drove and my dad worked odd hours (and drank whenever he wasn't working).  My Auntie Dorie kind of became my second parent, and if we ever went on a mini vacation, it always included my mom, my aunt, my best friend and me.  We spent many a weekend at local beaches, local fairs, and slightly out of town road trips.

Once I got a little older (around 10 or so), my brothers were  in their mid to late teens.  Like most teenagers, they didn't want to hang out with the family anyway.  In fact they reveled in the thought of staying by themselves, having parties, blaring their music, drinking, and smoking pot all without the parents, and especially without their tattletale younger sister (it was often said that I was actually babysitting my brothers when all the siblings were left alone together).

But I digress, back to family vacations.  Or lack there of.  Like I said, family vacations did not exist in my household.  Then the family vacation of all family vacations presented itself.  It became a "family tradition" for about 5 years or so.  Once a year before school started, my mom, dad, aunt, her boyfriend, my best friend, and me would load into the car for a weekend getaway.  To Da Range.  Most families take off and go to Disney World, Hollywood, or the Grand Canyon.  Not my family.  We went less than 2 hours north to the grand area known as The Range. 

We stayed in a Holiday Inn in Virginia, MN.  This wasn't any old Holiday Inn.  This hotel had a mini golf course, ping pong table, arcade, and not to mention the pool and hot tub.  My parents allowed me to bring my best friend so that I stayed out of their hair and had someone to interact with since all my brothers were at home getting high.

It may not have been Disneyland, but it was Disneyland in my eyes.  And one of my few memories of my mom, my dad, and me having so much fun together.

A Cat's Guide to Ruling the World (or at Least the Household)

I stole this idea from another blogger friend who blogged about her kids and their naughty adventures.  I thought I'd extend it to my cats and their naughty adventures.  Thanks for the idea and sorry about the plagiarising, Julie ;)

Hey, all you naughty kitty cats out there!  Humans think that we are here to provide them companionship and love, but really we are here to make their lives as miserable as possible.  The following are purrfect ideas to make your human as annoyed as possible.

1.  If you are an outdoor feline, be sure to bring home lots of gross presents in the form of dead animals and rodents.  For good fun bring home an injured, but not quite dead, mouse or bird.  Then let it go in the house to watch your human really freak out.  Chances are they will rescue that critter and you won't get to eat it for lunch, but watching your human scream and chase a flying bird or scurrying mouse around is quite comical.  You also might get grounded to the house for a while, but usually its worth the funny antics.

2.  Be sure to wake up your human throughout all hours of the night.  Walking on their sleeping bodies, sitting on their heads, and meowing obnoxiously are the best ways to wake them up.  Anytime after 2 AM is the ideal time for increased crabbiness.  Other strategies may include knocking things off dressers, counters, or scratching on various objects within the room.

3.  Make the biggest mess possible out of the litter provided to you in the litter box.  The more litter you can scatter about, the better.  If you can track it all the way into the bedroom, be sure to leave little pieces of litter in between your human's sheets.  This is great fun!

4.  Barfing.  Try to barf as often as possible.  The best way to achieve this is to overeat your food and then vomit it back up almost immediately.  Or you can also lick and swallow your own fur to create little fur balls in your tummy.  Both options will equally gross out your human.  For best results, make that throaty "glub glub" right before barfing.  For added effect, barfing on the carpeting will elicit more aggravation from your human.  Few things are as fun as "glub glubbing" in the middle of the night and barfing on freshly washed bedding!

5.  If you are an indoor cat, try to sneak out at every opportunity.  Meow like crazy at the door and scratch near any exits.  If the door opens, act like you don't care, but then bolt out once you see an out.  Having your human chase you in hysterics is.......well, hysterical!

6.  Every cat knows that the humans take the best seats in the house.  Watch it carefully.  When your human stands up, immediately lay down in the spot where they were just sitting.  Chances are, if you arrange yourself in a super cute curled up position, your human will let you stay snuggled up.  They will likely heat up another spot for you to steal once they stand up again.  Pure bliss!

7.  Leave your hair everywhere around the house.  If your human is wearing black pants, make sure to rub up against them repeatedly.  And, if you are lucky enough to still have your nails, be sure to claw on furniture as often as possible.  If your human doesn't see you doing it, they will never know!

8.  Just when your human gets comfortable, jump up onto that shelf full of breakable knick knacks.  Pretend you don't hear them when they yell for you to get down.  Those stupid humans don't realize we won't break anything.  Its only when they try to physically remove us do things get knocked over and broken.

9.  If your human wants to pick you up and pet you, act like you don't want to sit on their lap at that time.  Wait until they are busy reading the paper or eating food and then demand to be pet.  Lay on the paper so they have no choice but to see you and pet you. 

10.  In the ultimate act of annoying your human, be sure to walk where they are walking.  If they are going down stairs, dart in front of them causing them to stumble.  Its funny to watch their faces when they think they are going to fall.  This comes with caution as your human could accidentally step on you or fall on you so be careful when trying this tactic.

By following these rules, you are certain to make your human's life full of funny adventures.  Yes, we will rule the world someday!  For now, we'll settle for ruling our houses.

A Carnie By any Other Name

Every time this year a carnival comes to town.  A rinky dink, traveling carnival complete with fast rides, expensive games, and carnies.  Our city has a sordid history with carnies that led to the hanging of 3 innocent African Americans back when lynching was still commonplace. 

The carnival also marks the first time I made a vulgar comment directly to an adult.

I was in 6th or 7th grade at the time.  A friend and I were at the carnival by ourselves having a grand ole time on the rides and just walking around doing what pre-teens do.  We happened upon the Tilt-A-Whirl.  My friend wanted to ride and begged me to join her.  I protested.  Rides that move in a fast circular motion results in an upset tummy for me.  Hell, even riding in the backseat of a moving car gets me a little queasy.  So I declined her offer to accompany her on the Tilt-A-Whirl.

The ride operator heard our conversation and offered a proposition.  This nice man said, if I waved to him when I felt a little ill, he would stop the ride. 

What a nice guy!  So, I hopped on aboard the Tilt-A-Whirl and was happily whirling around and around and around. 

Then, my stomach started feeling a little unhappy.

On the next go 'round, I waved to the nice man to signal him that I was beginning to get sick in anticipation of him stopping the ride.  Only he waved back as though he were waving at a long lost friend with a goofy smile upon his face. 

Huh, this nice guy must have misunderstood my wave for a hello.  So, I try again and flag him when I we go around him again.

He chuckles again, waves again, and made that damn ride twirl faster.  And faster.  And faster.  And he kept us on longer than usual too.  Just to see a young girl barf. 

I wish I could have barfed because I would have let loose on his shoes, or better yet, in his face.  But, the contents of my stomach stayed at bay.  Instead, I got off the ride, looked at the laughing carnie and called him an Asshole.

Yes, an Asshole. 

Not exactly the worst thing I could have said, but at the time, I thought I was shattering the child/adult barrier.  And it left a big enough impact that I remember that moment every year when the carnies roll into town.