Catching a Breath

I don't know how parents do it when one of their children is sick.  The worry and sadness I have felt for Valentino these past few days has been horrible.  It started a few months ago when he developed a cough which was very painful to watch, and I'm sure very uncomfortable to experience.  So we went to the vet and he was diagnosed as having "allergy induced asthma".  I declined steroid injections for him, choosing instead to remove what I thought was the cause of his allergies (new litter).  For a while, his coughing improved, but did not cease completely.

These past few weeks, his coughing has become more frequent and more and more worrisome:

So back to the vet we went.  Chest X-rays and blood work revealed that my poor Tino has feline asthma.  We returned home with at prescription for Predisone, but after doing a lot of research online, I decided I did not want to subject him to a medication with several adverse side effects (hair loss, aggression, increase risk for diabetes, etc).  However, I came upon a relatively recent treatment for asthmatic cats.  An inhaler called the AeroKat.

It has a little mask to fit over the cat's face so they breath in the inhaler medicine.  Seems a little silly for some of you, I'm sure, but I'm willing to do whatever is best for my buddy.  The inhaler has less side effects, and goes directly to the source of the problem rather than a pill that travels throughout his system.  So I ordered one of these contraptions, along with some inhalers (a daily flovent and a rescue albuteral).  Its taking a while to arrive so until then, I'm doing some more research and ridding my home of potential allergens.  In doing this, I have found so many good websites dedicated to asthmatic cats and have watched numerous YouTube videos of cats receiving their medication via AeroKat.  It has helped ease my worries, some, to see the ease of its use. 

Once his medicine arrives, both Tino and I can breathe a little easier. 

Thank you, Mr. Stranger

Dragging myself out of bed to head to work each day has been a bit of struggle for me recently.  Thoughts of calling in sick, or just giving up completely and going on welfare, are at the forefront of my mind. 

Not really.

However, we have all had those days where heading into work has been more painful than having your eyeballs poked out with a fork.  On those such days I am ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS reminded of a random fellow whose path crossed mine more than ten years ago. 

A stranger.

Someone whose name I know not.  Someone whose face I know not.  If our paths have crossed since that initial meeting, I am not aware of it.  This stranger with whom I had only one encounter has literally changed my way of thinking.  Forever.  Our conversation resonates in my mind more than any other conversation I have had with anyone, ever.  Lately, I am reminded of this on an almost daily basis.

It happened when I worked as a cashier at Target some 15 or so years ago.  I was grumpy having to be at work instead of enjoying the rare, most perfect Duluth summer day.  Beautiful.  Warm.  Sunny. 

As a cashier, we were encouraged to "schmooze" with our "guests" and they sometimes schmoozed with us.   Usually this small talk revolved around the weather since Duluthians find the weather one of the most interesting of topics.   A gentleman entered my line and bought some small item.  I greeted him in the usual manner.  He mentioned what a nice day it was outside.  This comment was difficult to hear when I would have rather been outside enjoying it than working inside at a cash register.  Our conversation went something like this:

Me:  Hello.

He:  Hi.  What a nice day we are having outside today!

Me:  Yeah, I wish I was out enjoying it rather than working today.

He:  I was just thinking I wish I had a job to go to today.

With that, he just walked away.  His head hanging just a little lower than when he first entered my line.  I watched him walk away, and was forever changed by one simple sentence.

That moment and those words impacted me in ways that he will never know.  I think of him often and wonder what his circumstances were, what he is doing now, and if he enjoys going to his job each day if he has one.

Whenever I get grumpy about having to go to work, I immediately think of him and grow a little more thankful that I GET to go to work. 

More than that, though, I am reminded how our words and actions, even in our simple, everyday interactions can have an impact on one another.  For better and for worse.  How many people are out there thinking about a conversation that I had with them?  Have I changed their lives like this stranger changed mine? 

Thank you, Mr. Stranger, for continual reminders to be thankful for what I have, and for illustrating so perfectly how powerful words can be.

Pushing 40

My doctor ever so kindly welcomed me to the almost 40 club when I complained about my achy hip.  She not so blatantly said, "Welcome to almost 40".  Yup, almost there.  But not quite.

You know you are almost 40 when you celebrate your Birthday playing old lady Bingo at a casino.  And you can't keep up with all the gray haired chain smoking ladies with their ornate bingo bags. 

You know you are almost 40 when you are the only one among your friends who did not get carded entering the casino.  Where you need to be 18!

You know when you are almost 40 when 9:00 is past your bedtime.

You know you are almost 40 when the kids and teenagers at work tell you that you remind them of their mom.  Or grandma.

You know you are almost 40 when just looking at that ice cream sundae winds up on your butt and thighs.

You know you are almost 40 when the conversations with your friends have now evolved into talking about all your various health concerns and body aches and pains.

You know when you are single and almost 40 when your coworkers remind you of your crazy cat lady status as evidenced by "all the Friday nights spent with your cats and all the Christmas cards featuring your cats". 

Key word here, folks:  ALMOST.  I'm not 40 yet, bitches!  Its better to be pushing 40 than pushing daisies.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get my "dobbers" and head to Bingo. 

I Am Woman.....

......Hear me roar......

The headlight on my car burnt out just the other day.  Immediately I give my brother a call and play helpless so that he will go fetch me a new light bulb and change it for me.  Only, he doesn't answer any of his 3 pay-as-you-go cell phones.  In fact, two may be out of commission.  So I did what anyone would do; I told my mom to call him later that night to relay the message that I needed my headlight changed.

Well, she forgot.  And, let's face it, had my brother been beckoned, it could have taken weeks, if not months, to no longer drive a "pa-diddle" (is that a well known term for a car with only one headlight or just a local term?)

With a friend's inspirational quote streaming through my head, I decided to be "smart enough to read a manual, or use google" to get this hopefully simple task accomplished.

Off to Wal-Mart go I.  Not even asking a Wal-Mart dude which light bulb I needed, I used the little electronic thing-a-ma-bob to select the correct bulb, learning, in the process, how much car light bulbs cost......$50 for a set of two of them!  Yikes.

Page 226 of my owner's manual (yes, I actually have it and keep it in my glove box) showed me a three-step process of changing my headlight.  It took all of 10 minutes, and really was easy as 1, 2, 3.  No tools required.  I even got my hands a little dirty.  And the best news of all......They work!

Now, I am at home and a little restless because I really want to go out for a drive in the dark to see how much better my new lights work, and I will appreciate them even more knowing I did it all by myself.

ROAR!

Epic Failure

So, I have been trying to fall asleep for a little bit, and had this brilliant idea to blog.  Blog about what, I don't know.  It started out to be a post about how my life is boring and in need of some "spice".  But then I didn't want to seem like I was complaining because my life really is blessed, and change brings about so much anxiety for me.  Really, I am content with things as they are. 

Then I thought about writing about my summer time adventures with Dairy Queen Blizzards, backyard bonfires, and buddies, but currently lack the inspiration and creativity to make that specific blog post worth reading.

Of course, I could write about rescuing a lame squirrel, followed a month later by saving a young Robin.  But that is pretty much the story.  I saved a squirrel.  I saved a bird. 

Naturally there is always the subject of my cats, but the title of "Crazy Cat Lady" is already beginning to adhere so I have to ease up on my cat love for now. 

So this is my epic failure of a blog post.  And, sadly, that is all I have for the moment.......

My 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon

I have been told I resemble a variety of celebrities:  Meg Ryan.  Nancy Kerrigan.  Leah Remini.  Leona Lewis.  None of them resemble one another, and I really don't see my likeness to any of them.  However, all are pretty favorable to be compared to, so I am not complaining.

The other day at work, a teenager, who happens to have asperbergs, informed me that I look like Jon Bon Jovi....only in female form.  At first I was insulted to be compared to a male 12 years my senior, but then I googled him.

And had to admit, that I could see the resemblance.  We both have piercing blue eyes, kinda shaggy dishwater color hair, and an angular face.  Mine minus the facial five o'clock shadow (I hope!).   In fact, I can see myself in Jon Bon Jovi more than I can see myself in Meg, Nancy, Leona, or Leah.

(And, a strange aside here, if I ever was blessed enough to have a baby girl, her name would most likely be "Jovie".)

Now how does this all connect to Kevin Bacon, you may ask.  Bear with me.  It has been said that all people can be traced back to Kevin Bacon within 6 degrees, and I found my 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon......kinda.

1.  I have always thought my brother, back before he got into drugs, resembled Kevin Bacon.
2.  I have always mixed up Kevin Bacon and Jon Bon Jovi and can't really tell them apart.
3.  The teenager told me I looked like Jon Bon Jovi.  Since I get him mixed up with Kevin Bacon, I must also look like Kevin Bacon
4.  Since I obviously resemble my brother, who happens to resemble Kevin, it stands to reason that, I too, must resemble Kevin on some level.
5.  The teenager later said that I also looked like Kevin Bacon

Blue eyes, shaggy dishwater hair, angular face.  

So, there you have, my "connection" with Kevin Bacon in only 5 degrees.

It could always be worse, though, a patient once told a staff member that she (the staff member) reminded that patient of Sponge-Bob.  The patient was blind.  Like, for real, she was blind.

Starting a New Job

I really want to blog, but have no ideas what to write about.  I could write about how Tino has become too smart for his own good.  (He has finally learned how to escape.  He is almost in the same league as Houdini.  Though it allows him to make some new neighborhood friends, it about gives me a heart attack just thinking about the "what ifs".  If he gets much smarter, he may just ruin the privilege of going out in the outdoor cat area, for him and for the others.) 

Even though I already kinda blogged about that, I don't want to write an entire blog entry about my cats yet again. 

When cats don't make good blog fodder, I guess that leaves work.  In the last 13 plus years I have been at work, never has there been this much upheaval and change.  Change is certain, necessary, and anxiety producing.  Especially for me.  Change scares me.  It forces me to come outside of my comfort zone.  I have created a nice little, sheltered box for myself and to venture outside of that box is much like an agoraphobic exiting their house for the first time.  I feel like I can't breath; my tummy turns flip;, I want to run away back inside never to emerge again. 

But without change, there is no growth.  Growing and learning is fun and exiting!  It keeps work interesting, and these changes have the potential to help me do my job even better.  In the meantime, I feel like I am starting over at a new job.  And maybe, I won't be as good at my new job as I was at my old one. 

Playing Favorites

Its been a while!  I haven't been neglecting you, dear blog, its just that I have nothing to write about these days.  I have been consumed with cell phone games, namely Draw Something and Words With Friends.  Yes, those games are more addicting than ice cream! 

First things first, Let me say Happy 2nd Birthday to my blog!  The celebration, or lack thereof, happened just a few days ago.  That momentous event did not go unnoticed by me, but again, I was too busy trying to draw a frog with my finger on my cell phone.  So, Happy Birthday!

This post is not about not blogging, however.  Nor is it a post about my innumerable obsessions.  Instead it is about my CATS!  After all, what else is there to talk about when nothing much is going on, right?

Tino is most definitely my favorite cat.  Most "parents" don't admit they have a favorite, but I certainly don't hid that fact.  I hope my other two cats don't notice the extra food in Tino's dish everyday or get jealous when they hear me utter "I Wuv you" all day long to my best buddy.  But believe it or not, this isn't about him either.  Nor is it about Milo, a favorite among many friends and family members because of his squishy face and gentle soul.

Nope, this time it is about Muffy.  She is nobody's favorite.  Don't get me wrong, I love her dearly; its just that her annoying habits are, well.....annoying.  She licks at my bare skin, she claws on the furniture, and she chews cords. 

Most of my cords in the house do have cord protectors around them, but this morning she found a bare cord to sink her teeth into.  Don't worry, she didn't get electrocuted or anything (but would anybody really care if she did?).  Oh, I would care deeply; I just don't think "outsiders" would give a rip.

So this morning she was chewing away, and I was annoyed.  I kicked my laundry basket at her in hopes of scaring her away from the outlet, which did work.  However, it also hit Muffy which startled her and possibly hurt her a bit.  She walked away from that outlet, turned her little orange head towards me, and uttered a "fuck you" meow like no other.

I felt bad because my intention was not to hurt her.  Well, she was pissed.  She was so pissed that she didn't come running like she always does when I poured my cereal.  Rather, she was hiding out behind my chair peeking at me with cat squinty eyes.  Booring guilt into my soul.  Immediately I apologized and walked over to pick her up for some "I'm Sorry" snuggles.  But she ran away from me!!  She ran downstairs.  The ultimate shove off. 

Tears welled up in my eyes thinking she was going to hate me forever.  I had to leave for work and spent most of the day fretting over what I would come home to.  Afraid maybe she pulled some cat shenanigans like barf on my bed or pee in my clothes.  Or worse yet, that she would run away when she saw me.

None of that was so.  In fact, as I am writing this, she is snuggled up on my lap purring.  Maybe we both learned a lesson today, but I am afraid she will return to chewing on cords in no time.  And, look, she got a whole blog post about her!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I must get back to drawing with my finger.

My Valentine

Every Valentine's Day I get a special Valentine in the mail from a man who loves me so much.  My Daddy.  What makes it extra special is that I know my dad goes shopping, picks out the card, and even addresses the envelope himself.  One would have to know my dad in order to understand the complexity and motivation all of that entails for him.  He is not one to do anything for himself.

His cards always make me giggle.  Usually they are are meant for a juvenile daughter as seen below:

Or the Disney Princesses:

In his eyes, I will always be his little girl.  This year, though, the card was a little different.  It was meant for a more mature reader, but it was meant for a daughter to give to her father, not the other way around:

Either way you look at it, the message is still the same, and the "error" makes it all that more endearing.  I save each of his Valentine's cards as they are probably the only thing that has been given to me by him and him alone.  He does it without any help or coaxing from my mom.  I do believe he even places the stamp on the envelope and places the card in the mailbox himself.  And for those reasons, it makes my Valentine's Day cards from my dad, the most important cards I will ever receive. 

Happy Valentine's Day!

After Hours "Rafting"

How many people are lucky enough to have a job that allows them to go Rafting at 10:30 at night (and get paid for it).  Don't tell my boss, but I am in that fortunate group of folks. "Rafting", you ask? "That's right", say I.  Rafting... or dancing... or kick ball... or mending shark tanks... or exercising reflexes on the ever intimidating Reflex Ridge. 

The Unit just acquired an XBox Kinect, and I'm not sure who has been enjoying it more:  the kids or the staff. 

Once all the children are nestled all snug in their beds, the staff come together for the best hour of the work day.  Its a great team building and bonding time for us.  We get to genuinely laugh and experience fun all the while getting paid.  Not to mention burning off all the stress eating calories consumed throughout the course of a shift.  Of course our fun is interrupted every 15 minutes to check on the kids ensuring there is no hanky panky going on (but as we know, those tricky teenagers can perform hanky panky under blankets during a movie with staff right in front them :) )

The real benefit of that final hour of the night is not solely for fun and laughs.  Its a time to let go of all the sad stories we are immersed in each and every day.  A time to escape the world of suicide, acting out, and self injury. Instead of bringing home all the pain, we are able to leave it on the River Rapids or at Reflex Ridge. 

That XBox is a built in therapy "necessary" for both the patients and the staff.  One I intend to take full advantage of.  Just don't tell my boss.

Freedom

My niece finally moved out.  This makes me both ecstatic and a little bit sad.  Ecstatic because I have my house to myself again.  I can pee with the door open, move around without wondering if I am disturbing the resident in my basement, and leave my house without worrying if there will be a drug deal or a robbery (or worse) at my house.  I have reason to believe she acquired a gun so the potential certainly existed for some shady shenanigans.

However, I really wanted to be the person who turned my niece around.  The hero.  The person she remembered to have been the only one who believed in her when everybody else abandoned her.  The one she thanked, years from now, when she was somewhat successful because of the guidelines I set up for her when she came here. 

.........The one that would visit me in the nursing home when I have nobody left...........

Not all bad came of this, though.  She did get a job which is a big step.  Whether or not she'll keep the job remains to be seen, but at least she is a productive member of society for the time being.  She seems to be be free from shooting up (though I think she is using synthetics).  The vial of liquid turned out to be........water (though I don't doubt her mom would have lied for her).

And the manner in which she left my house was not confrontational or difficult.  It was a mutual decision once she got her job in Cloquet.  She can't drive; therefore, getting to and from her job would have proved quite challenging.  Plus, I kept the invitation open of visiting me on weekends or whenever. 

At any rate, I am happier, considerably less stressed, and am embracing my ability to pee with the door open.

Jesus Gets Another Kitty (and Other Short Stories From Behind the Locked Door)

A few years ago, a coworker with a dark sense of humor retired.  Her dream following retirement was to write a short book and title it "Jesus Gets Another Kitty" since so many of the kids we see have maimed so many kittens.  Its not uncommon to hear about how a kid nuked a cat in the microwave or have otherwise tortured the poor souls. 

When this coworker retired, I had a crazy notion to help her get started on her book, and I had a head full of ideas about some of the illustrations.  My problem:  I can't draw.  Therefore, I enlisted the help of my friend, Amy, to draw the ideas that were circulating in my head.  She captured them purrfectly.....uh, perfectly. 

Enjoy the visual experience of Jesus Gets Another Kitty (title by Annie, Ideas by me, illustrations by Amy).......

The Cover.  Here we see Jesus with his new unfortunate feline......

Our proud hellion nuking the poor cat.....

The precocious unsuspecting cutie sending the cat off to space.....

The emo teenager just giving the pussy a ride.....

In the end, the cat gets revenge.... 

A Rehash

As we embark on the year 2012, I thought I'd revisit the the same questions I answered last year as a way to reflect on this past year.  So Here Goes...

What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?  
It may seem quite small to most, but in 2011, I tried new food.  Mock Duck, Tofu, and Sushi all passed by these lips, over my tongue, and down my throat only to land into my tummy, and well, I think you know the rest.  Tofu and Mock Duck were alright, but the Sushi nearly gagged me.

Did You keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't usually make New Years Resolutions, and I didn't exactly make a resolution last New Year either; however, I DID resolve to make healthier changes, which I accomplished!  Since June of 2011, I embarked on a healthy quest, and as a result, have lost 20 pounds.  I'm very proud of that, and plan to continue on that journey into 2012.

Did anyone close to you die?
Though he wasn't "close" to me, per se, my Uncle Jack did pass away early in 2011.  He lived his life in a group home as a result of a tragic car accident that left him brain damaged at the age of 15.  At his memorial service, it was clear how many lives Jack touched.  One group home staff in particular shared how Jack was instrumental in changing his personal life.  From Jack, he learned about having a positive attitude, humor, and appreciating a simple cup of coffee.  I'm certain Jack is surrounded by coffee, pancakes and beautiful girls wherever he may be.

Also passing away was my dear friend's mom, Paulette.  Paulette was my buddy at all of the Birthday celebrations that my friend Olivia hosted.  Since I don't have kids, I was always kind of at a loss to socialize with all the other mothers, so I hung around Paulette who was so good at making me feel welcomed and important.

What countries did you visit?
I'm not much of a world traveler, but I did venture out to Michigan this year in search of pod-like hot springs.  Though the pods weren't what we expected, the trip itself exceeded our expectations.  The Porcupine Mountains, the cute town of Houghton, and the best trip buddy a person could ask for made for one swell vacation.  Perhaps a trip to the Southwest in 2012 is on our agenda?

What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Patience and Tolerance. 

What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? 
The day I was with my friend when she was diagnosed with colon cancer.  Since that is her story, I won't go into details, but when she was diagnosed, it was almost as though I was diagnosed along with her. 

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Changing my hair style.  After having the exact same hair for decades, I updated my tresses.  Though it isn't a drastic change, its just more modern.  Not sure that an updated hairdo qualifies as an achievement, but it is actually something I have wanted to do for many years so I will count it.

Another big achievement was my healthy lifestyle change and 20 pound weight loss.  No small feat let me tell ya!

What was your biggest failure?
Not stepping up to the plate more.  There were times I could have done more to help out all those who were struggling with their own trials, and I instead avoided a phone call or a request to babysit.  To quote Oprah, "When you know better, you do better".  Now I know better.

Did you suffer illness or injury? 
I did not, but seems like 2011 was the year of sickness.  So many friends and coworkers were sick this past year.  Not just flu sick, but like really sick.  Then, of course, there was my mom's illness which was a very scary time.  Thankfully all of those we were sick are on the road to a much healthier 2012!

What was the best thing you bought?
An IPhone!!  Finally I ventured into the Technology Age and got myself an IPhone.  The funny story is that I bought myself an IPhone as a gift to a friend.  (I would have got the phone anyway, but it made for a fun Christmas gift!)  That and new underwear ;)

Whose behavior merited celebration?
So many people.....let's see.  A friend and coworker who took in 2 young children to her already large family, a friend who maintained a positive attitude and a sense of humor while undergoing chemotherapy, and a another friend who was the epitome of strength for her family when her mom lost her battle with cancer. 

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I guess that has to be my niece.  Though she is attempting to make a better life for herself, her behavior this past year really was appalling.  Drugs, sex, DUI's, unemployed, and unschooled.  With the right opportunity, I am hopeful all (or most) of that will change in the upcoming year.

Where did most of your money go?
I shared a lot of money this year.  And Saved the rest.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My trip to Michigan.  Beyond that I AM really really really excited about seeing those I love healthy next year!

What do you wish you'd done more of?
I wish I would have helped my friend more when she was struggling to find a balance between caring for her ill mom and her two young children.  Though I did help out, I just wish I had done more.

Did you fall in love in 2010?
 Naw. Love is overrated.

What did you want and get?
IPhone!

What did you want and not get?
To win the lottery, but I guess you gotta play in order to win, huh?