Failed Tomorrows

Every single day for me is yet another failed tomorrow. Each night when I go to bed, I tell myself my goal for the next day. It all started with that eye opening photograph of myself. After I saw those pictures, I was amazed that I didn't even look like myself. My face was filled out. My hips and tummy were wide. My butt gigantic. Sounds self defeating, but it was very weird to see those pictures and not even recognize the image I saw in the photo. I needed to do something and I would start.....tomorrow. "Tomorrow I will eat better. Tomorrow I will start to exercise more. Tomorrow....." For me, tomorrow never comes. Last night I had a grand plan. One I won't go into boring details here, but it was going to work alright. This time, this plan would be fool proof. But I have proved to be the fool once again.

I actually did very good until about 1:00 this afternoon. My self control was first tested when a coworker brought cookies to work. Oh, I did have one, but only one. I consciously decided I didn't like it very much and had no desire for a second, third or fourth. It was tested a second time when another coworker brought a box of chocolates to work. My goal was to not eat one. They sat staring at me, calling my name. I resisted and then proceeded to pat myself on the back.


Then I caved when a coworker offered me a scone at the end of a very hectic, unenjoyable day. The little thought went through my head, "don't do it.....don't do it..." But I did. I don't even like scones!! It was a HUGE scone at that. . . and I ate the whole thing. Its not all bad, though, because I did show SOME restraint in choosing the raspberry scone over the chocolate chip scone.


People talk about "mindful eating"; I even sat in on an hour long class on mindful eating once a month for several months. It is something I actually practice; though you wouldn't know it. For Example when that scone was offered to me, I mindfully said, "no, you don't even like scones. You don't need the scone. You just finished lunch and you're not even hungry". I took the scone anyway. Not only did I take it, but I ravenously ate the whole damn thing. With each bite, I mindfully told myself "This is not that tasty. Its a challenge to eat because you are so full. Don't eat anymore". Yet I continued to mindfully eat the rest of that scone. Ugh.

Tomorrow I'd like to try again. One of these days my tomorrow may actually happen.

I did accomplish one goal today, though, I never did eat a piece of that chocolate.