Playing Hero

Rescuer.  That is who I am.  Rescuing nearly every member of my family out of whatever crisis they may be enduring has been a constant in my life since as far back as I can remember.  Be it money, babysitting, advice, moral support, or a place to stay.  I rescue because A). They need rescuing and B). It feels good.  Like Phoebe from Friends said, "There is no selfless good deed".  She argued that people do good deeds for the sole purpose of feeling good, therefore concluding that even doing good is selfish.

And really, what is wrong with that? 

By making myself feel uplifted, the receiving people reap the benefits so its a win-win situation.  Full circle you might say.

But there is a downside of being the hero.  With that comes expectation that the receiver will succeed in that if you help them out, they will flourish.  As in the case with the Touhy family from the Blindside movie where they took in a homeless teen who went on to become a professional football player.  He strived because of the opportunities the Touhy's provided, their belief in him, and his own will to succeed.

Though that was a "true story", real life doesn't always work out like Hollywood. 

Finding a box of needles and a vial of an unknown fluid in my niece's belongings the other day just about crushed me.  Sure I was concerned for her safety, but really, it was more about me.  I felt like a failure.  I provided her with a place to stay when her own parents would not welcome her.  And beyond that, I laid down some pretty strict ground rules which she not only agreed to, but also welcomed.  I couldn't "save" her.

Then I put my work hat on and reminded myself that it wasn't me.  It was her.  Her choices, her decisions.  I can provide the opportunities, but she needs to have Michael Oher's will to succeed.  I can only do so much, and like I said before, the rest is up to her.

Now, that vial is in being tested to find out what that fluid was (methadone?, morphine?).  Nikki claims it was water which she used to flush out her needles when she was using.  She says she hasn't used in several weeks, and that this box happened to be in her belongings when she moved her stuff here.  When she found it in her belongings, she "freaked", didn't know what to do, and put them aside.  She says this with sincerity, and I want to believe her.  However, I am also realistic and skeptical of this crafty drug user who is residing in my home.

We're still waiting for the test results of what that fluid was.  If it is water, I will continue playing rescuer.  If it isn't water, well, I may have to hang that hat up on this one.