Up to Her

My niece Nikki and I have always had a close bond.   Her circumstances were not the greatest being raised by an alcoholic father and a drug addicted mother. Her parents eventually separated which led to her mom being in several unhealthy and abusive relationships, which Nikki was witness to and probably victim of.  Her mom lost custody so Nikki went to live with her alcoholic father.  There, her life wasn't horrible, but it certainly wasn't perfect.  Nikki basically had no supervision from a very early age (she even landed in the hospital for malnutrition since she lived off of Doritos and soda).

Enter me.  As a child, I took her on special vacations to Wisconsin Dells and Valleyfair.  She spent days (and even weeks) at my house in the summer.  I was able to provide her with a little bit of stability, if even for a few days.  We were buds.

Then life happened. Nikki became a victim of her past, blamed her parents, and began acting out.  She spent time in several treatment facilities, but none seemed to impact her.  In fact, she began cutting on herself, drinking, using drugs (including needles), and was quite promiscuous (with girls so at least no risk of pregnancy....whew!).  And she never completed school.

Recently she finished treatment for drugs and alcohol, but weeks after, ended up with a DUI and domestic assault charge against her then girlfriend. 

She is now homeless.  Not welcome at her mom's house, and not willing to live with her dad, she is now staying at the local homeless shelter.

She phoned me last night to get a ride to the shelter.  By the time I got back to her, she found her own ride there.  Since she had inquired earlier about living with me, and being denied, she did not inquire again.  And I did not offer.  Part of me wanted her to experience the shelter, see where her life is going, where her choices have got her.  Part of me was upset, disappointed, and a bit disgusted with her.  I had high hopes for that girl and wanted her to be successful. 

But then I couldn't sleep last night. 

After careful consideration, I decided to offer my home to my niece.  Oh, there will be rules.  Strict rules.  After 19 years of not having any rules, this may come as a bit of a shock to her, but if she doesn't abide by them, she will be evicted.  At least I attempted.  At least I tried.  The rest is up to her.

There will be a contract (including rent) and basic expectations (including getting a job and obtaining her GED).  It will be clear that I am not here to provide entertainment for her, but rather as a stepping stone to a better life. 

Like I said, I will provide the tools, the rest is up to her.