My Little Secret

I now know why Superman wears his underwear on the outside of his clothing:

He swaggers down the street with a calm confidence.  He is definitely "all that and a bag of chips".  His shit certainly does not stink.  And nobody is gonna mess with a dude like that.

I get it now.  I really get it.

One of the best things I did on my vacation was to purchase new underwear.  I cannot stop talking about my undies.  I'm telling coworkers, men and women alike, all about how I have robots on my butt.  They are so fun and, like I do with most new things, I have now become obsessed with my panties.

I get out of bed in the morning with a bit of excitement for picking out a new pair of underwear to put on for the day.  As I slide them on, I peek in the mirror, say "oh yeah", and give my booty a love tap!  Oh, my God, I cannot believe I am blogging about my underwear.........times are slow for blogging topics I guess.

Still, my undies are on my mind all day long.  I choose my panty of choice based on my activity of the day.  For example, my favorite pair of underwear are grey with pink robots all over them.  I mindfully chose not to wear them to work one day in case I had to work on another floor.  I did not want to "waste" them on people I don't care about.  So I saved them for a day I was certain I would be working with my usual coworkers.  Does this sound a bit messed up to you?

Nobody sees them.  Or at least, they are not supposed to see them.  But that day I forced at least two coworkers to take a peek at my robot undies.  And last night at a bonfire, I showed the whole crowd (only they weren't the robot ones this time).  I was sober mind you.

Yes, this may seem all a little too obsessive and extreme, but wearing my novelty panties makes me feel happy.  I, too, walk with a little more confidence (I admit my shit does indeed stink, and I don't believe I come with a bag of chips....) all because of the simple pleasure of my little secret under my pants. 

OK, that sounded dirty.... ;)

What I Did for Week 3 of my Vacation/Staycation

Only one more day of bliss.  One more day to do whatever whenever however.  No time table to keep to, no alarm to wake to, no kids to strap down on a bed.  I was blessed to have very good weather for the duration of my vacation and I certainly made the most of each day. 

Week 3 was a little more of the same, but the following is the remainder of the list of what I Did on My Summer Vacation:

1. I totally forgot to mention on my first list that I mastered the technique of peeing in the woods.  I'll spare you the details, but I successfully tinkled several times without splashing pee all over myself.
2. See #1 above....I peed on Park Point today....
3. I got some Mom Time in which is always a blessing
4. I mourned the loss of my 80's bangs, but grew to embrace and enjoy my side sweepers.
5. Walked bare foot on the beach.
6. Sat on a rock overlooking the city contemplating how little grasshoppers look like tiny robots.
7. Snuggled with Tino on the chillier mornings under the blankies.
8. Part way winterized my garden
9. Appreciated each and every second and gave thanks for the sunshine.
10. Mentally prepared for the return to work.
11. Plucked 235,123 grey hairs from my head....man oh man, they popped out like whoa recently
12. Finished yet another book.  Ahhhh.

It went so fast, and now I can look forward to having days off.  I keep having to remind myself that just because I head back to work, doesn't mean that I will never a day off again.  Back to the Salt Mines I go.......

What I did for Week 2 of My Vacation/Staycation

I am now officially beyond the halfway point on my vacation.  Less than a week left and I have to return to work.  The only bad thing about being on vacation is that it makes it that much more difficult to return.  Well, here is a list of my second week of vacation activities:

1. I called 911.  Yup, on my neighbors who were having a domestic dispute.  However, the real motive for the call was to phone up my friend who could give me the play-by-play from her 5-0 radio (police calls).  It was pretty uneventful.....
2. I officially entered the 21st century.  Though I am still getting used to my new do, I am growing fonder of it by the day.
3. I got big girl underwear.  Or rather, as it was clarified to me, I got teenager underwear.  I had been wearing "Old Lady Undies" AKA Hanes Her Way (though the bikini style if you must know), but now I am wearing novelty panties which I LOVE!  What is better than having a pair of panties with a ruffle or cute saying on the butt?  I tell ya, I love my new undies.  Probably the best thing I did on my vacation sad as that may be ;)
4. I played some Super Mario World.  I get into those games, sweat, and get pretty worked up.  Its so fun!
5. I rode my bike.  I haven't been on my bicycle for many many years, but a nice 10 minute bike ride might just awaken that desire.
6. I have been brushing my teeth with a new SoniCare toothbrush.  Fun and so clean.
7. I stepped out of my comfort zone hard core and went out on the town with the ladies for a bachelorette party.  Good times in a Hummer Limo, more drinks than I have had in years, and belly laughs galore!
8. I painted my nails!
9. I went on a spending splurge and bought new clothes and a few accessories.
10. Not once did I inquire how work was going, though information was offered to me unsolicited. 
11. Went to the movie "The Help" which was an excellent and powerful film.  It takes a lot to make me cry in a movie, and this one started the waterworks on more than one occasion, but then it pushed the funny button and had me laughing.
12. Helped out a friend a few different times while she struggled with some family health issues.
13. Spent the day at the beach!  One of my main goals was to spend the day at the beach.  Too bad the water was too frigid to actually go in for too long.  In fact, I could only go in while "high stepping" (running quickly with high knees).  And even then, my calves and feet began to get numb.
14. Continued to obsess over Words With Friends.

And that pretty much wraps up my second week of vacation.  I wouldn't want to have spent it any other way!

Letting Go is Not Easy

Dearest Poofy Bang,
I miss you so much!  I cannot get used to this new intruder, the side sweeper.  Desperate as I am to embrace and welcome this foreign being, I just cannot summon the same feelings I had for you.  You were easy, comfortable, and made me feel polished.  Though I know it was your time to go, I just had to make my feelings clear.  After spending over 3 whole decades together, you are hard to let go.  I'm hoping it is just a matter of time before I develop the same affection for my new found bangs.

Ode to the Poof

Dearest Poof, Oh how I miss you so!

It is so hard to let you go.

With your slight curl and ratty way,

Birds could play in there all day!

Full of spray and a mile high

You could almost touch the sky!

A sticky mess when you'd get wet

But to me you were heaven sent.

I'm hoping my new side sweeper

Will better show off my Peepers.

More easy flowing and care-free

I still look like Peppermint Patty.

Entering the 21st Century

An amazing thing happened this week.  It may be a decade too late, but it happened.  I stepped out of the 1980's and entered the 21st century.  My hair style has been updated.  Its been a long time coming, and something I have wanted to do ForEver, but I have never had the courage or the know-how. 

My hair has been a bone of contention for me for my whole life, and I am still not convinced I love it.  It is taking some getting used to.  Yesterday, when I got the ever important "Mom Stamp of Approval", I sighed a breath of relief.  Why my mom's opinion of my hair matters to me is a mystery, but it does. 

So today I took the plunge and got an official cut. Gone is the 80's rat's nest poofy bang, and enter the side swept bang.  Though I don't think she cut it exactly as I envisioned.  Then again, my hair is very different from the general public's hair, and it does its own thing, is far too baby fine, and is lacking a modula (the inner shaft of a hair follicle). 

So I went to my hair stylist with THIS in mind:

But I came out looking like THIS:

True facts.

I am just hoping it is a learning curve, and once I learn to style my hair better, it will look better.  At any rate, I am in the 21st century now.  My luck the poof bang will be back in style just I am learning how to do this new do. 

What I Did on My Vacation/Staycation

Time off from work is a glorious thing, and I finagled a whopping 3 weeks off from work this summer.  Believe you me, I am cherishing every single second.  Here is what I have done on my vacation:

1. Spent quality time with quality friends
2. Roller bladed
3. Helped a few friends rake in a ton of dough
4. Watched the sunset over Lake Superior (Michigan!)
5. Saw the night sky with more stars than I have ever seen, including shooting stars (Michigan!)
6. Stayed up late and then slept in.
7. Read some good books (Handmaid's Tale!)
8. Brushed the cats and got enough fur to make a million pillows (ya know, if I were to make pillows out of my cats' fur)
9. Became laboriously addicted to Words With Friends
10. Honed my vocabulary skills (see above number 9)
11. Learned what "Jimp" meant (to jizz in your pants) from above #9
12. Pined for things I do not have, but relished in what I do have.
13. Took an entire day off from life by not answering my phone (it only rang once anyway),not talking to anyone (other than 4 words uttered to my cat), and having no responsibility.
14. Went into a bat cave (Michigan).  Well, kind of a bat cave, more like an old mine shaft.
15. Gave thanks for good health (mine and others).
16. Thought about work, but only fleetingly
17. Walked the beach of Lake Superior, both in Duluth and in Michigan
18. Hiked the dogs nearly every day (except on my day off from life day).
19. Went frog catching (but stopped after scaring the poor little critters so did not catch one)
20. Got eaten alive by mosquitoes.
21. Had an adventure for my tummy in which I tried Tofu and Mock Duck.

And the best part is, my vacation is not over yet.  I still have 2 weeks to go!!  There will likely be a part 2 of what I did on my vacation/staycation as I inch closer to heading back to the real world.

A beautiful sunset on Lake Superior

Running like Chariots of Fire on the Beach

Entering the bat cave!

Froggin'

Whitewater Paddling

Today was an adventure equivalent, in my mind, to cascading over Niagara Falls in a barrel.  Only, it consisted of me paddling what I have termed "a safety boat" down the "forgiving" St. Louis River.  The so called safety boat is an inflatable one person canoe ("Ducky" is the more technical term).  I have been down this river once before, but never on the mercy of my own power.  The last time was a team effort in an inflatable raft.  Truth be told, I didn't pull my own weight on that excursion.

However, this time was all me.  Well, all me, with the verbal instruction of the best teacher a novice whitewater paddler could have!  As I struggled to get the feel of how the Ducky maneuvered, Beth and her trusty sidekick, Kevin, kayaked beside me talking me through each step of the way.

We started out slow and easy.  Paddle like this, and the boat goes like that.  Paddle like that, and the boat goes like this.  OK, easy breezy. 

Then, we happen upon the first set of rapids (I believe called "Classroom").   My heart palpitated just a bit as I paddled through the bubbling forces beneath me.  A sense of exhilaration once I reached the calmer water.

With each section of rapids, the water gets bigger! Faster! Louder!  We reach the rapids known as "One Hole", my new enemy.  As we approached the forceful water, waves swirling every which way, my heart again felt the anticipation of beating the rapids.  Only this time the rapids beat me.

I felt my boat turning into the swirling waves, and was oblivious to know to take control and attempt to get my boat straight again.  It was like slow motion in real time.  I saw the swirling, brown wave coming at me, and I knew it was not good.  My fight or flight response went to "flight" and I quit paddling, an error that led to my first swim in the big drink. 

Before I went under, I remember yelling "Help" and I looked at my friend and instructor whose face foretold my fate. 

I got flipped into the hole.

Not the exact hole I fell into, but you get the drift.....

The Ducky hit the "eject" button and catapulted me into the River.  Then my "fight" response kicked in and a million thoughts went through my head.  I remained calm. I remembered I had a life jacket on (Thank God and Beth) and let myself rise to the top and go where ever the raging water was going to take me.  I popped up, saw Beth and swam to her kayak while her husband rescued the empty boat and and paddle.  I hopped back into my safety boat for more raging rapids ahead.

Because I got flipped, each set of rapids brought about a sense of fear, but also excitement.  I was determined to make it through each time without being tossed into the water.  We did portage over a set of rapids called "Electric Ledge" which is a mini waterfall in my eyes.  Looking back at that massive force of water, I was so glad we did not go down those rapids.  However, a small part, a very small part, of me was also disappointed because I wanted to defeat them!  Maybe next time.  Maybe.

When we successfully made it though the final set of rapids, I breathed a sigh of relief.  Relief, Pride, and admittedly, Disappointment that the fun and excitement was over.  But, I made it!  I made it down the Louis!  And I only went for a swim once, which isn't too bad.  Beth tells me the St. Louis was a Class 3 river today.  I might be more of a Class 1 or 2 kind of a gal, but I can certainly see why so many people have a passion for kayaking. 

Sadly, there are no pictures from today's adventure (the photos posted are "borrowed"), but the images and memories will forever be in my head.  And I hope to get out and paddle again sometime in the near future.

Thanks Beth and Kevin for one on my most favorite adventures!