Monday, May 31, 2010

Sad State of Food

This is my fridge after working several double shifts in a row:



The truth of the matter is that my fridge looked like the even before working all those doubles. Actually, the milk is newly purchased so that wasn't even in there until I finally had a day off to run to the corner store to pick it up.

The beer and the Sierra Mist are not even mine. They belong to 2 different friends who thought I might be thirsty. Since I drink neither beer nor soda, there they sit. I figure I better have something in the fridge to keep cool or it may think it doesn't have to work anymore and conk out on me.

My goal is to get to the grocery store before returning to work at the end of the week. I hear cherries have made their entrance into our grocery stores so that may just motivate me. I hate grocery shopping more than anything else in the world.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

My Three Selves

I heard a quote the other day that went something like this:
"We are all 3 people. The person You think I am. The person I think I am. And the person I really am. The closer those three people are to one another, the more successful and happy you will be."

I really liked that quote, but am a little bit embarrassed to admit that I heard it on Oprah the other day. Even more embarrassing is that Kenny Rogers said it while referring to Dolly Parton (saying her three people were very close together). So I don't often admit to the origin of that quote, but found it pretty profound.

My goal is to try to merge my three selves so they are close to one another. Honestly, I don't think my three selves are that far from one another, but know they could be more tightly knit.

I'm not quite ready to blog about the differences in my three selves, but within me, I know where the controversy exists. Who would have ever thunk that Kenny Rogers would have me reflecting on ways to improve my own happiness?

Saturday, May 29, 2010

The Man who Has Everything and Does Nothing

So, who is the asshole who decided to make Father's Day just a few days away from my Dad's Birthday? Well, maybe the "asshole" is the person who made my dad's Birthday just days away from Father's Day. But that would be calling my Grandma an asshole, and since I never met her, I don't think that is quite fair. So the creator of Father's Day gets the Asshole Award.

Not only do I have to think of ONE gift to get him, but thinking of TWO gifts is nearly impossible. Some suggest I should get him one large "Two-for-One" gift which would be just dandy if I could think of a large gift to get him. He has everything he could possible want and need AND he has no hobbies to speak of.

Seriously, my dad is the most difficult person in this entire world to buy a gift for. For real. He does nothing but drink and smoke, and since I refuse to support the two habits that are killing him by buying him booze and cigs, I am at a loss. It used to be rather easy to buy him a smallish gift that he loved. Candy and crossword puzzles. But, he now has a monthly subscription to a crossword magazine and no longer eats candy like he used to, so that idea is in the crapper.

My dad has to be the laziest human on the planet. Even if I were to get him a gift certificate to get his car washed, he would have my brother drive his car to the car wash place. Crazy, right? Sometimes I think he had kids just so that we could do things for him. No, I don't think that, I KNOW that.

When I still lived at home, it was fun to buy him gifts because I would just think of tools or gadgets that would make life easier for ME, and I would buy him those gifts. He loved them, but I got to actually use them. I remember I wanted a hose reel so the hose was not all askew in the grass when I mowed the lawn. Father's Day came and my dad got a hose reel for a gift! Perfect! I no longer live at home so that trick won't work anymore.

After 30 some odd years of buying him gifts for Christmases, Father's Days and Birthdays, I am at a complete loss. This year, He may have to settle for a card.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Adventures in Concert Attending

I should start by saying that we survived without being raped, murdered, or kidnapped.

Looking back on the night that could have been my last night alive, it is quite comical. It all started when my friend, Wendy, invited me to see a Daughtry concert in Minneapolis. I figured "why not"; I had watched Daughtry's climb to fame on American Idol, knew some of his songs, and was looking forward to some good company in the car for the 2 1/2 hour drive. So away we went.

Remember the movie "Adventures in Babysitting" starring Elizabeth Shue? Wendy and I could have been stars of that movie with our adventures in Concert Attending. Downtown Minneapolis is a foreign area for both us small town girls, but we're both capable and intelligent adults. The first foreshadowing clue that the evening ahead would be more than ordinary was when I nearly killed a lady crossing in a crosswalk. Did I mention she was in a wheelchair? In the process I almost got us killed as well.

I am driving my car and make a simple turn across a 2 lane highway. In doing so, I notice the wheelchair lady making her way across the street. Instinctively, I brake for her, but it turns out I am now stalled in the middle of the 2 lane street of approaching traffic. We hear Honk Honk from the oncoming traffic as a warning signal for us to move, but my only option would have been to knock off this seemingly nice lady. Meanwhile the wheelchair lady gives us a very concerned look on her face and she tries to make her motorized chair travel just a bit faster. We made it across unscathed. And so did she.

Scene two of our Adventure involved the questionable ramp we parked our car which clearly advertised "EVENT PARKING: $4". We pull in to this ramp that was a cross between quite fancy and uber scary, complete with a steep ramp, automatic arm lever and self serve windshield cleaning materials. We were smart and parked by a door and I even remembered to bring my parking ramp ticket "just in case". That proved rather useful later on in the evening.

We finally made our way to our venue after travelling blocks and blocks through a skyway system that led us through a bank, a restaurant, a mall, and numerous shops. It did occur to me that perhaps this skyway system could be closed after our concert let out, but it IS a skyway afterall, AND we parked in EVENT PARKING so naturally we'd be able to get back to our ramp, right? Ahem....

Both of us enjoyed the concert, and gave thanks that neither one of us got a nosebleed from the height at which we were sitting. Though I do think that we both were sending up silent prayers that we'd be able to get to the car following the concert.

Fast Forward to the climax of our very real movie. The concert has ended and we're just hoping that the doors to the skyway are not locked. They aren't. Whew, what a relief! We continue on our journey through the skyway until we approach the mall area where we encounter what we were so afraid of. No further access into the skyway! We are now in a slight panic. Do we walk outside? The only problem is we don't know where exactly we'd be walking to. I do have the parking ramp ticket with an address, but we don't know the area nor do we trust the area to be walking aimlessly lost.

While discussing our options, a very nice gentleman offers his assistance. We tell him our problem and after some discussion, he offers to drive us to our vehicle. He is wearing a Target Center shirt (clearly an employee), he introduces himself as "Brian", and point blank tells us that he is "not a creep or anything". He resembles Bill Gates and seems very sincere and gentle. But so did Ted Bundy.

We are both conflicted. Either walk Downtown Minneapolis to some unknown destination or hop in a vehicle with a strange middle age man. Wendy has her cell phone and begins texting her boyfriend our decision to accept a ride from Brian. He clearly doesn't hear the hidden message in the words of the text that indicate this could be our death sentence, and he very simply texts back "be careful".

Brian seems rather nice, makes small talk, and he even shows us the building where his sister works...for what reason, we don't know. We learn he has a wife and daughter. Using the address from the parking ramp ticket I cleverly brought along, he very harmlessly drives us to our destination where we have to alert the security guards to open the doors so we can get to the car. It all worked out very much in our favor and we are indebted to Brian for helping out two lost girls. In all the confusion and nerves, I neglected to offer a token of our appreciation to Brian, but I think he knows just how grateful we are. Both that he helped us out and that he didn't kill us.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Happy Taste Buds

Since Summer is upon us early here in the "Northland", I thought I'd take a brief moment and give pause to one of my favorite things. Ice Cream. It is also mentioned in the title of my blog so it is about time I pay homage to my title. I have already paid homage to the cats of my world, but now its time to shine some light on the greatest of God's creations (cue the Godly Aaaahhhhhhh).

It is such a chore to even know where to begin so I'll just dig right in much as I would dig in if I had a gallon of ice cream in my freezer. Ice cream is not allowed at my house because it wouldn't last but a day at most so all the commercial ice creams are exempt from this blog entry, though they very well could make an appearance at a later date.

I am not one to stray from my favorites. I stick to the tried and true. If I went out to eat at any given restaurant, I pretty much know what I am going to order before I even enter the door. So the following are my favorite "tried and true" local ice cream treats.

Folks in these here parts generally rave about a local ice cream shoppe called Portland Malt Shoppe. Though, I have sampled their ice cream, they are not my preferred place to go get an ice cream fix. What makes it very convenient is that you can go for a walk on the Lakewalk and reward yourself with an ice cream cone for the walk back.

When in need of a quick ice cream fix, I of course head to the DQ. Not by coincidence, I happen to live only a few blocks to the nearest Dairy Queen. The one by my house is kind of chintzy on their serving portions, though, and if I need to feel like I got my money's worth, I will drive a bit further. Plus my DQ is only open for the summer season. In other words, its not a "Cool Treats/Hot Eats" DQ; just simply a "Cool Treats" DQ.

At the DQ, I do venture out of my comfort zone from time to time and will order a variety of treats. One can never go wrong with a Cherry Dip Cone, but when Ice Cream is involved, I needs me some chocolate too. The Mudslide and Peanut Buster Parfait are classics, but my old standby is the Chocolate Covered Cherry Blizzard! YUMMY! Oh, and have you ever had any DQ treats with cocoa fudge? What a sensation.


One can hardly go wrong ordering at the Cold Stone Creamery. We have been lucky to get not only one, but two Cold Stones in our city. Cold Stone isn't my very favorite ice cream in the world, but it does have its place. The ice cream is very creamy, ooey, gooey, and RICH. A little bit goes a long way. I have tried almost every single creation made by Cold Stone with the exception of the coffee flavored treats. My favorite is my own creation whereby I take the Founder's Favorite creation, take out the caramel, and add in raspberries. Nothing is more decadent. Plus its fun having the option of having a waffle bowl or cone!


But when I want my entire Ice Cream hunger satisfied, I head to good ol' Bridgemans. In staying loyal to my yummy raspberry/chocolate pattern, I ALWAYS get the Hot Fudge Raspberry Torte ice cream sundae! That is to die for. Ice Cream lover's size is only $1.00 more and all the calories are completely worth it.


It would be sacrilegious to blog about all this ice cream and not go out for a sample of at least one of these sinful creations. Looking forward to having happy taste buds later on today!

Sunday, May 16, 2010

On My SoapBox

This may come as a shocker to the general public, but dogs and cats have some bad habits. Before one decides to adopt a dog or cat, one must first educate themselves on some of those "bad habits". Take cats, for example; some cats meow incessantly, some are counter walkers, most are early risers and, in so doing, will wake their respective person. By nature, cats are hunters. Unless a person has an indoor cat, be prepared for gifts of mice, birds, and various other creatures. Its in their nature and should not be punished for such acts. If you, as a human, do not approve of some of these habits, please do not bring a cat into your household.

Dogs: Loveable, Loyal, Excitable, Cuddly....just to name a few of the positives. Along with the good, come the "bad". Poop, Dependency and Barking. Dogs, being dogs, bark. That is what they do. Any human with an ounce of brain matter know that dogs bark. Two year olds learn that.

"What does a doggie say?"
"Woof Woof".

When dogs bark continually, it can be rather annoying and should be handled in a very effective and humane manner. If disciplined appropriately, dogs can learn not to bark, or at least respond to a command to stop. They should not be shocked, hit, kicked or have an object thrown at them for barking! Dogs bark, people!

Not to be mistaken for a hyprocrite, I admit that I have given my naughty dogs and naughty cats spankings. Much the same as a parent might tap their child on the fingers or swat their child on a diapered tushie, I have given spankings. Alternatively, I have also used a squirt bottle and, in fact, sleep with one at my bedside for early morning shenanigans from any one of my 4 felines.

The past few days, I have spoken my mind on two separate occassions to strangers who have, in my opinion, mistreated their furry family member.

The other day, I was outside with my 2 dogs, and the neighbor dog was outside as well. Of course, the neighbor dog saw us and began to bark at us. He just wanted to play too. Then his owner came out the door, yelled at the dog, and then proceeded to hit the dog forcefully. I spoke out and told that guy he didn't need to hit his dog. He looked at me surprised and brought his dog back inside the house. Hopefully he didn't hit him anymore.

Then today, I took my dogs for a walk on the street. We passed a house that had dogs in the yard and the owner was outside doing yardwork. Naturally, his dog began to bark at us trespassers and the guy picks up what I thought was a rock and threw it very hard at the dog.

I spoke up. "Dogs bark. You don't need to throw things at him!"
He responds, "Oh, it was his tennis ball". As if that made it alright. He threw that ball at that dog so loudly that I could hear it hit the dog from where I was standing; across the street.

It feels good to stand up for what I think is right and I am going to continue doing so. Whether it be animals, kids, or the elderly, I'm going to tell it like it is, and report anything I think needs to be reported.

Be kind!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

My Daily Visitor

Almost every single day of the week, I look forward to a visitor. This visitor usually brings me gifts of some kind which is why my anticipation is heightened. Some gifts are unexpected treasures that brighten up my day. Other presents are not so much fun. Nonetheless (who really uses that word?), I look forward to my visitor each day.

Sundays bring some disappointment because I know for a fact that my caller will not be coming to my house that day. Rumor has it that there is a possibility my visitor may not be able to come on Saturdays anymore either which will undoubtedly lead to a very long weekend. On the bright side, it will make Mondays that much more pleasant.

Today, I was eagerly awaiting my visitor. I saw her coming up the road to deliver my daily gift! My eyes widened in curiosity of what she would bring for me. With some exaggeration I will say that my heart began to beat a few beats faster. Imagine my extreme disappointment as she passed right on by my house without even stopping. The nerve!

My heart sank, my shoulders slumped, and I let out a sigh as she delivered some gifts to my neighbor. No mail for me today. Maybe Monday.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

When Talent Scouts Come Knocking

Have you seen this kid? He is quite simply Amazing.



With You Tube these days, people can be over night super stars. This kid, Grayson Chance, is an internet sensation and even made his debut on Ellen today. He's only Ten.

When I was 10, I was singing to Reba McEntire songs from a cassette tape in my bedroom with a hair brush. I had visions that there were talent scouts hiding in my wooded backyard looking for the next singing prodigy. Oh, but I would be fooling all those talent scouts! You see, I was only LIP SYNCING the words so it really looked as if I had the voice of Reba! When those scouts found out I wasn't really singing, they wouldn't care because I had impeccable lip syncing ability. I would be the next Milli Vanilli. Complete with dance moves and everything.

Despite my many delusions, those scouts never appeared. If only You Tube existed back when I was an aspiring artist. I very well could have been an overnight lip syncing phenomenon, and could be working as a famous impersonator on the Las Vegas Strip today.

Good luck to you, Mr. Grayson Chance! I'm sure there are bigger venues in your future!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

I Have a Timmy on my Back

As a person ages, mysterious apparitions appear on various bodily parts. Unsightly age spots, moles, bumps just to name a few. Tonight as I am soaking in my new jetted bathtub that could give me an enema if I was positioned just right, I notice a cyst of sorts. Actually I have noticed it in the past, but always thought it was an ingrown pimple or bug bite. Tonight it occurred to me that I have a Timmy on my back.

Timmy is the mysterious name that my mother gave to her fatty mass on the back of her shoulder. It is this benign, ugly, fatty lump that just sits there. Her lump is quite large and a person could cup their whole hand around her lump if they were so inclined.

Timmy's little brother took up residence on my back. Right in the smack dab middle of my back on my spine. Thankfully he is just a little guy, and I am hoping he doesn't grow up to be a big boy.

Now all you alarmists out there reading this, don't go crazy and start telling me it is some cancerous growth. It is quite simply a benign cyst. An ugly one at that. And his name is Timmy.