Jesus Gets Another Kitty (and Other Short Stories From Behind the Locked Door)

A few years ago, a coworker with a dark sense of humor retired.  Her dream following retirement was to write a short book and title it "Jesus Gets Another Kitty" since so many of the kids we see have maimed so many kittens.  Its not uncommon to hear about how a kid nuked a cat in the microwave or have otherwise tortured the poor souls. 

When this coworker retired, I had a crazy notion to help her get started on her book, and I had a head full of ideas about some of the illustrations.  My problem:  I can't draw.  Therefore, I enlisted the help of my friend, Amy, to draw the ideas that were circulating in my head.  She captured them purrfectly.....uh, perfectly. 

Enjoy the visual experience of Jesus Gets Another Kitty (title by Annie, Ideas by me, illustrations by Amy).......

The Cover.  Here we see Jesus with his new unfortunate feline......

Our proud hellion nuking the poor cat.....

The precocious unsuspecting cutie sending the cat off to space.....

The emo teenager just giving the pussy a ride.....

In the end, the cat gets revenge.... 

A Rehash

As we embark on the year 2012, I thought I'd revisit the the same questions I answered last year as a way to reflect on this past year.  So Here Goes...

What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?  
It may seem quite small to most, but in 2011, I tried new food.  Mock Duck, Tofu, and Sushi all passed by these lips, over my tongue, and down my throat only to land into my tummy, and well, I think you know the rest.  Tofu and Mock Duck were alright, but the Sushi nearly gagged me.

Did You keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't usually make New Years Resolutions, and I didn't exactly make a resolution last New Year either; however, I DID resolve to make healthier changes, which I accomplished!  Since June of 2011, I embarked on a healthy quest, and as a result, have lost 20 pounds.  I'm very proud of that, and plan to continue on that journey into 2012.

Did anyone close to you die?
Though he wasn't "close" to me, per se, my Uncle Jack did pass away early in 2011.  He lived his life in a group home as a result of a tragic car accident that left him brain damaged at the age of 15.  At his memorial service, it was clear how many lives Jack touched.  One group home staff in particular shared how Jack was instrumental in changing his personal life.  From Jack, he learned about having a positive attitude, humor, and appreciating a simple cup of coffee.  I'm certain Jack is surrounded by coffee, pancakes and beautiful girls wherever he may be.

Also passing away was my dear friend's mom, Paulette.  Paulette was my buddy at all of the Birthday celebrations that my friend Olivia hosted.  Since I don't have kids, I was always kind of at a loss to socialize with all the other mothers, so I hung around Paulette who was so good at making me feel welcomed and important.

What countries did you visit?
I'm not much of a world traveler, but I did venture out to Michigan this year in search of pod-like hot springs.  Though the pods weren't what we expected, the trip itself exceeded our expectations.  The Porcupine Mountains, the cute town of Houghton, and the best trip buddy a person could ask for made for one swell vacation.  Perhaps a trip to the Southwest in 2012 is on our agenda?

What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Patience and Tolerance. 

What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? 
The day I was with my friend when she was diagnosed with colon cancer.  Since that is her story, I won't go into details, but when she was diagnosed, it was almost as though I was diagnosed along with her. 

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Changing my hair style.  After having the exact same hair for decades, I updated my tresses.  Though it isn't a drastic change, its just more modern.  Not sure that an updated hairdo qualifies as an achievement, but it is actually something I have wanted to do for many years so I will count it.

Another big achievement was my healthy lifestyle change and 20 pound weight loss.  No small feat let me tell ya!

What was your biggest failure?
Not stepping up to the plate more.  There were times I could have done more to help out all those who were struggling with their own trials, and I instead avoided a phone call or a request to babysit.  To quote Oprah, "When you know better, you do better".  Now I know better.

Did you suffer illness or injury? 
I did not, but seems like 2011 was the year of sickness.  So many friends and coworkers were sick this past year.  Not just flu sick, but like really sick.  Then, of course, there was my mom's illness which was a very scary time.  Thankfully all of those we were sick are on the road to a much healthier 2012!

What was the best thing you bought?
An IPhone!!  Finally I ventured into the Technology Age and got myself an IPhone.  The funny story is that I bought myself an IPhone as a gift to a friend.  (I would have got the phone anyway, but it made for a fun Christmas gift!)  That and new underwear ;)

Whose behavior merited celebration?
So many people.....let's see.  A friend and coworker who took in 2 young children to her already large family, a friend who maintained a positive attitude and a sense of humor while undergoing chemotherapy, and a another friend who was the epitome of strength for her family when her mom lost her battle with cancer. 

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I guess that has to be my niece.  Though she is attempting to make a better life for herself, her behavior this past year really was appalling.  Drugs, sex, DUI's, unemployed, and unschooled.  With the right opportunity, I am hopeful all (or most) of that will change in the upcoming year.

Where did most of your money go?
I shared a lot of money this year.  And Saved the rest.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My trip to Michigan.  Beyond that I AM really really really excited about seeing those I love healthy next year!

What do you wish you'd done more of?
I wish I would have helped my friend more when she was struggling to find a balance between caring for her ill mom and her two young children.  Though I did help out, I just wish I had done more.

Did you fall in love in 2010?
 Naw. Love is overrated.

What did you want and get?
IPhone!

What did you want and not get?
To win the lottery, but I guess you gotta play in order to win, huh?

Playing Hero

Rescuer.  That is who I am.  Rescuing nearly every member of my family out of whatever crisis they may be enduring has been a constant in my life since as far back as I can remember.  Be it money, babysitting, advice, moral support, or a place to stay.  I rescue because A). They need rescuing and B). It feels good.  Like Phoebe from Friends said, "There is no selfless good deed".  She argued that people do good deeds for the sole purpose of feeling good, therefore concluding that even doing good is selfish.

And really, what is wrong with that? 

By making myself feel uplifted, the receiving people reap the benefits so its a win-win situation.  Full circle you might say.

But there is a downside of being the hero.  With that comes expectation that the receiver will succeed in that if you help them out, they will flourish.  As in the case with the Touhy family from the Blindside movie where they took in a homeless teen who went on to become a professional football player.  He strived because of the opportunities the Touhy's provided, their belief in him, and his own will to succeed.

Though that was a "true story", real life doesn't always work out like Hollywood. 

Finding a box of needles and a vial of an unknown fluid in my niece's belongings the other day just about crushed me.  Sure I was concerned for her safety, but really, it was more about me.  I felt like a failure.  I provided her with a place to stay when her own parents would not welcome her.  And beyond that, I laid down some pretty strict ground rules which she not only agreed to, but also welcomed.  I couldn't "save" her.

Then I put my work hat on and reminded myself that it wasn't me.  It was her.  Her choices, her decisions.  I can provide the opportunities, but she needs to have Michael Oher's will to succeed.  I can only do so much, and like I said before, the rest is up to her.

Now, that vial is in being tested to find out what that fluid was (methadone?, morphine?).  Nikki claims it was water which she used to flush out her needles when she was using.  She says she hasn't used in several weeks, and that this box happened to be in her belongings when she moved her stuff here.  When she found it in her belongings, she "freaked", didn't know what to do, and put them aside.  She says this with sincerity, and I want to believe her.  However, I am also realistic and skeptical of this crafty drug user who is residing in my home.

We're still waiting for the test results of what that fluid was.  If it is water, I will continue playing rescuer.  If it isn't water, well, I may have to hang that hat up on this one.

Learning to Share

My whole life I have never really had to share.  I had my own bedroom growing up, and having 3 brothers, I never even had to share clothes, belongings, or even toys really. Never have I had a roommate let alone a house guest if only for a week or so.  What's mine has always been, well.......mine.  And I like it that way.

So now that my niece has moved in, I have to learn to share.  Its an adjustment for sure.  For example, I came home from work today intending on doing laundry only to find the dryer full of all of her clothes.  She is not even here to remove them.  So I can either remove them myself or wait a bit longer to do my own clothes.  At least it is a good excuse to postpone the laundry :)

Sharing is not easy when I have spent 37 years doing what I want to do when I want to do it.  However, sharing my stuff is far easier than sharing my space.  Gone are the days of bathing (and peeing) with the door open. 

On the upside, my cats have a buddy when I am not home.  I have an extra body to help with shoveling or hauling in groceries.  Selfishly, it gives me peace of mind knowing I am doing the right thing by helping out a struggling family member.

And, if I die or take ill, I have someone who will be right here to find my lifeless body so the cats don't eat me.

Stands to Reason

My parents are the most difficult people in the world to buy gifts for, but I think my dad even has my mom trumped in that department.  Buying gifts for him is extremely difficult.  Every year at this time I get a call from my brother who asks me for ideas.  Of course I keep the good ideas for myself, and by the time those are used up, I am fresh out of good ideas. 

So when that predictable annual call came this year, I, naturally, had no ideas.  My brother called my mom, my aunt (my dad's sister), and me all for advice on what to get Dad.  We all came up empty.

Then my brother informs me that he is going to call on someone he sought advice from last year.  Someone who gave him some pretty decent ideas. 

The local Bartender.

My brother and I chuckled at the absurd reality that the Bartender knows our dad better than anybody in our entire family.  But the fact is, he has always spent more time at the bar anyway, so it stands to reason I guess.

Giving Birth

I did something I never thought I'd do today.  I gave birth.  Well, not to a bouncing human baby or anything, but rather to a rectangular piece of technology.  Otherwise known as a cell phone.  An Iphone 4 to be exact.

After months of contemplating the inevitable, I decided to join the modern times, abandon my stubborn ways, and purchase this new appendage.

An acquaintance warned me against getting one insisting that it would be the equivalent of  getting a child.  Indeed it is. 

Like a child, I must protect it.  Before leaving the house, I now have to take notice of where my phone is, and bundle it up to take along for the ride.  When it is in my presence, I must always be mindful of where it is, what it is doing.  When it is not in my care, I will, certainly, be wondering what it is doing.

And tonight, while washing dishes, my new "child" cried for me.  I debated whether or not to abandon my household duties to answer its cries, but decided it could wait.  Afterall, I don't want to spoil it, and my dishes had to get clean.

That brings me to my pledge.  I vow to not be a cell phone snob.  I won't make my new phone my priority when I am hanging out with buds.  Certainly I will become adept at hitting the "ignore" button.  My phone will not venture with me on most hikes (or at least be on SILENT) as I want to experience nature without the intrusion of technology.  I vow I will put my physically present friends above my technology texting friends remembering that the texters can wait.  It does not have to be much different than having a land line in that messages can be left, texts can be returned, and there is no law that says a phone MUST be answered (though I think some people believe that law does exist).

Much like a new baby requires an adjustment period, so does this new rectangular child of mine.  For the next few days, I will want it within my sight at all times, be scared to leave it when it comes time to go to work, and be eagerly anticipating  when I can pick it up once again.

Also, like a new baby, It was love at first sight.

Up to Her

My niece Nikki and I have always had a close bond.   Her circumstances were not the greatest being raised by an alcoholic father and a drug addicted mother. Her parents eventually separated which led to her mom being in several unhealthy and abusive relationships, which Nikki was witness to and probably victim of.  Her mom lost custody so Nikki went to live with her alcoholic father.  There, her life wasn't horrible, but it certainly wasn't perfect.  Nikki basically had no supervision from a very early age (she even landed in the hospital for malnutrition since she lived off of Doritos and soda).

Enter me.  As a child, I took her on special vacations to Wisconsin Dells and Valleyfair.  She spent days (and even weeks) at my house in the summer.  I was able to provide her with a little bit of stability, if even for a few days.  We were buds.

Then life happened. Nikki became a victim of her past, blamed her parents, and began acting out.  She spent time in several treatment facilities, but none seemed to impact her.  In fact, she began cutting on herself, drinking, using drugs (including needles), and was quite promiscuous (with girls so at least no risk of pregnancy....whew!).  And she never completed school.

Recently she finished treatment for drugs and alcohol, but weeks after, ended up with a DUI and domestic assault charge against her then girlfriend. 

She is now homeless.  Not welcome at her mom's house, and not willing to live with her dad, she is now staying at the local homeless shelter.

She phoned me last night to get a ride to the shelter.  By the time I got back to her, she found her own ride there.  Since she had inquired earlier about living with me, and being denied, she did not inquire again.  And I did not offer.  Part of me wanted her to experience the shelter, see where her life is going, where her choices have got her.  Part of me was upset, disappointed, and a bit disgusted with her.  I had high hopes for that girl and wanted her to be successful. 

But then I couldn't sleep last night. 

After careful consideration, I decided to offer my home to my niece.  Oh, there will be rules.  Strict rules.  After 19 years of not having any rules, this may come as a bit of a shock to her, but if she doesn't abide by them, she will be evicted.  At least I attempted.  At least I tried.  The rest is up to her.

There will be a contract (including rent) and basic expectations (including getting a job and obtaining her GED).  It will be clear that I am not here to provide entertainment for her, but rather as a stepping stone to a better life. 

Like I said, I will provide the tools, the rest is up to her.